I am a mother to six and now I have three granddaughters and soon to have another one. I have a job I hold down and I do volunteer work also. I divorced a while ago and I have three of my children living with me. (Teens, what fun we are having)
It has been two years now that my mother came to stay. Background on mother. She is 68, has a chronic illness, limited mobility and now has mental health issues.
She left my stepfather due to his being "nasty" towards her when she got out of the hospital. I am not entirely clear on all the details. My mother and I never really had a close relationship and for many years I never spoke to her. She came to stay with me in 2007 while she was moving houses, for six months as she could not tolerate the dusty environment. At that time she seemed pretty stable, and my children were young so she didn't have to fight for any attention as such.
She called me crying after Christmas 2017 begging me to come and get her. (She was up North and I am down South in a large city) I initially let things "settle" and didn't respond to driving to get her at first because I am busy and really didn't want to go through with her staying "just a little while" as before. I went up to see her in the hospital and she looked a mess. I felt pity and against my better judgement said I would bring her here. My DD was with me and as she is my baby I asked her what she thought. She liked the idea of building a relationship with her grandparent.
It has been a living nightmare.
When she came down here she immediately asked why she couldn't have the same room that she had before. That room is now my teenage daughter's room. She makes little remarks now and then to my daughter that "when I had that room..." My daughter is fed up with it at this point.
My mother is doing everything possible to destroy the relationship I have with my own children. She lies about things, and so my two middle sons have just stopped coming around "while nan is there"
She exaggerates her illness to the point of calling for me at unearthly times of the morning to say she needs help. She texts me constantly with silly things, including while I am at work. While I am allowed to carry my phone for emergencies, I am not supposed to be checking it almost every minute. She tries to grab any spare time I have and utilise it for herself she seems to forget that she really isn't the only person in the house I look after. On the only day I get off, she makes excuses to have to go out to the shops.
Now in order to combat her apparent loneliness, I have tried to get her into daycare centres for her to make friends and have some sort of activities so that she will not be so reliant on me. Every time she has attended one day and found excuses about why she isn't going again. The most recent being that her mobility scooter is causing problems for the lady who drives the pick-up van.
I do literally everything for her. I serviced her mobility scooter after it stopped running. I had a stairlift installed into the house so that she could access the bathroom as using a commode was embarrassing her. I take her to all her appointments and collect all the medicines that she needs. I have written a list of contact numbers clearly for her so that she can contact the doctors involved in her care if she needs. I am at a loss now on what more I can do. She is very very needy to the point that my children are avoiding her when in the house. I have a teenage son who as autism and even he is getting fed up with her now (and trust me that says a lot as he tolerates a lot of things)
I have tried to sit her down and explain how busy I am. In fact before I brought her here I did tell her that it wouldn't be like before when you came down my kids are grown and we are all very busy in our day to day life.
Continuing to have her here is eventually going to destroy my family I feel. We as a family have already been through a fair amount and I have just been informed that I may have to move from the house that we have made a home for many years. So what with work, my own worries and my family I really am being pulled apart by my mother.
Am I just being out of order to try and return her to her own place?