To feel a bit nervous about 2 y/o daughter being a flower girl

[RoseAdagio]

Its for my sister in law who absolutely adores our little girl, so we don't want to let her down. I suspect if the stars all align and it works well, my daughter would also have enormous fun throwing rose petals around and wearing a pretty dress and stuff like that. It would also be lovely for my daughter when she's older to feel like she was a part of something like that, even though she won't remember it. So far so good.

The issues are -
1pm church ceremony. She is currently 20 months old and naps between 12.30-2.00/2.30 (roughly, ish, with some variations). I'm guessing a church ceremony probably takes an hour?

Also, even if we can make her nap times work for the day - she is a toddler, toddlers do not like to sit still and be quiet, and I don't want her to ruin the ceremony for everyone else (including bride and groom) by kicking off if she gets bored. Or by loudly announcing that she has done a poo and needs changing or something like that.

Erm....help!? Any tips on how to manage gratefully received as I don't want to let them down!

Any practical tips for how to manage this gratefully received!

I would discuss your concerns with the couple. They might be happy to plan for you to walk with her if necessary or to let you decide closer to the time.

I had this dilemma with my 15 month old at the time. He wasn't part of the wedding but sat nicely through most of the ceremony eating breadsticks. When he got fed up I took him to the back of the church and a nice lady got some toys for him to play quietly. It was hard work and I didn't get to enjoy the ceremony but he did what was required. Not sure how I'd deal with s 2 year old at nap time though! I remember waking up early to make sure he had s nap before we left for the ceremony, which gave me change to get ready in peace. Don't envy you though. Weddings with little ones are nowhere near as fun as pre kids! Good luck!

She could very easily be dropping naps by July, so I wouldn't be stressing out about a situation that you don't have any control over until closer to the time and you see what it is she actually needs sleep wise. My dd who is now 2.8 months only has occasional naps now. And has been like that for the last 3-4 months.

My son was our page boy at almost 2 and my niece our flower girl age 3. They both did brilliantly, walked down the aisle holding the adult bridesmaids hands. The key I think was that my son was with mil until literally about 20 mins before ceremony so he had a small lunch and then got changed at last minute and my niece was with her mum and had small lunch until 20 mins before when she got dressed and I did her hair lol she wouldn't let me friend who was the hairdresser do it but that was fine.

There were so many family members and friends and their similar age cousins to distract them that it was fine. Our son who wasn't known for napping at all did crash for about half an hour inbetween the meal and the evening bit. Niece didn't nap and was fine.

Just have some small toys, mini books or colouring pencils in a bag or there's always peppa pig on YouTube lol!

My niece and daughter were my flower girls at 2 and 3. They were fine (although a civil ceremony so significantly shorter)
Are there any adult bridesmaids? Mine walked with my sister and my Sil so I think that made it a lot less intimidating as they both had an auntie to hold their hand!

Oh and get some small, non staining snacks! Plain rice cakes, crackers, a treat of some white chocolate buttons....hungry toddlers are most likely to kick off!

I think it will be fine, so long as you go with the flow and set expectations.

Have trainers ready. Be prepared (and prepare the bride) that you might have to carry her if she’s grouchy having just woken up.

She will be nearly 2 and a half by the time the wedding actually comes around. Most 2.5 year olds can go without a nap for one day, especially when its exciting and lots of people around to keep them entertained.

Maybe pre warn the bride and groom now and make a decision nearer the time. It wont really affect their plans for the day much either way, only whether they choose to get her an "official" flower girl dress, which they wont be able to buy until nearer the time anyway to make sure it fits.

My dd was starting to drop her nap by 20 months. I’d assess and plan much closer to the time.

Dont worry about it til nearer the time, my daughter changed from a toddler to a little girl around that age. At 22 months could only speak the odd word, was napping really well, still refusing to get in a car and stuff even if she wanted to go somewhere.

By 2 years and 3 months she was speaking in (short) sentences, was toilet trained, dropped her nap (even though we tried to carry on with it), and had a much greater understanding for example you have to do x if you want me to do y then she would. With things I wasnt sure whether she was going to like or things she may find daunting I'd just find a YouTube video and talk her through it (like fireworks night). I'm sure you could find a video of children walking up the isle and throwing petals or something and what the crowds either side will look like. You could practice if you have people round closer to the time so she can see what it feels like to have a room full of people watching her.

Even if your daughter hasn't dropped her nap she should be a bit more flexible so keeping her up til 1.30 or 2 shouldn't be a disaster

Do this a month before the wedding so there is still time for the bride to change arrangements if your daughter drops out

Also is there other adult bridesmaids that your daughter could spend some time with as she may be much more comfortable walking down the isle holding their hand.

I had 2 year old flower girl and page boy. The flower girl did her thing perfectly, the page boy had a tantrum just before the ceremony and refused to take part. I was impressed that one of them made it down the aisle to be honest! Don’t overthink it, I’m sure the bride and groom understand what 2 year olds are like if they’ve got older children of their own.

Don’t worry about this! Just tell the bride and groom that you will need to put your DD’s needs first and if that means carrying her away in the middle of the ceremony then that’s what will happen.

Just take it as it comes and make her welfare your priority. She’ll probably have fun, but if not, you whisk her out and comfort her/let her nap.