New Years AIBU

[DilemmaADay]

Bit of background before posting: Me and DP have been together a year, no DC, not living together but talks of it, still early days and very happy together. So here's my AIBU...

Over the December period, I've been invited to a couple of parties by different friends. All friends are in the same group with their partners (around 10 of us in total). They have invited DP to the parties as they want to meet him. DP has said he cant make any of these parties as he works weekends and its impossible to get time off in December, fair enough.

We've both been invited to my best friends party for new years now, I asked DP and he said he couldn't attend because hes working at 9am the following day (party is an hour drive from where we live). So I guess my AIBU would be a more what would you do...

1. Go to the party without DP and leave him at home out of annoyance, and be grateful I have a job that allows for weekends off .
2. Stay at home with DP, miss the party and explain to my friend I'm now not attending.

I don’t really understand why he can’t go, couldn't he just leave early in the morning? I’ve had jobs that limit socialising so found ways round it such as joining people late into a night out or not drinking too much and leaving early the next day etc. Does he find ways round it for his friends?
I’d go to the party because I think he’s just being awkward; if it was a case that he doesn’t finish work until 11pm that night then fine but it kind of sounds like he just doesn’t want to.

Just go on your own

Realistically if he is up and drinking at midnight he won't be able to drive to work for 9am. You cant leave a new years eve party before midnight. On the day people would be cajoling him to stay, have another drink etc

Nobody goes home early on NYE. Would you be happy going home early? Would you be happy not having a drink because you had to drive the next morning. If he works in hospitality or retail he is likely to be exhausted by NYE anyway.

Sounds like another excuse for not wanting to meet your friends...

I don’t blame him, you presumably won’t want to leave until after midnight then it’s an hours drive home and he has to be at work a few hours later.

I’d personally stay home if he had been working so much if I thought there was a future for the relationship.

You would not be unreasonable to go, but equally, if somebody left me home alone on NYE, I would be seriously considering the future of the relationship.

I don’t think it would be much fun to go to a NYE party that involved an hour’s drive (each way??) and then be expected to be up for work at 9am.

Do you think he is trying to avoid meeting your friends?

Presumably he works in retail or similar? It’s early days in your relationship so why not stay home & have a lovely meal and evening in?

Poor bloke working every weekend and New Years Day-what job does he do?

Of course, people can go home early on NYE. How silly.

If you want to go to the party, then go (without the huffiness). Ask your boyfriend to come for the early part and he can leave when suits him. Or he can not come if that's what he prefers.

If this is how his job works, then you need to find a way to make your social lives work for you.

I would be slightly peeved at missing a friends party but I would be more annoyed if my other half left me home alone on NYE!

What’s he hiding would be my first thought or rather who is he hiding from.

Well you sound nice. Hes working not on some jolly. What do you expect him to do if he works weekends and that's how it is. You are trying to make it sound like he is intentionally doing this, when it's just work.
If I was working over the entire holiday period the last thing I would want to do anyway is socializing.
If you are serious about him I would think you would give the party a miss.
You really cant expect him to travel 2 hours and then be up for work on NY day.

I'm confused as to why there isn't option C - go to the party together, leave at around 12.30 He can drive so won't have been drinking and wil be fine to get up and go to work.

He doesn't want to meet your friends. I'd be questioning the relationship.

He can go, it's only an hour away. He's being a fanny.

I would not go on the grounds of one of you starting work at 9am on New Year's Day. Both of you can drink on NYE too.

An hour isn’t that long/far. He could have offered to drive as he is working the next day and you could have had a nice night out together, but he doesn’t care enough about seeing the New Year in with you to do that, he’s just says he won’t go.

Why does he want to spend time with your friends ?

Is he always so selfish?

@autumnfresh - sad thing is hes genuinely working, we've met each other's families, I've met most of his friends, hes met a couple of mine, public on Facebook etc, so dont think theres a secret family out there :)

@fedup21 he works in warehousing, mainly shift work unfortunately.

Thanks for the opinions here, I can see both perspectives of go to the party and dont go to the party

Personally I think he should make an effort to go to at least one of the Christmas parties, but I do see his point about NYE.

He's stuck there with you, an hour from home until 12.30am at the absolute earliest, sober with loads of people has never met getting pissed. Even if you stay over there, he still will have to really watch the drinking so that he can be up and drive to work at 7am.

If the Christmas parties are more local, and assuming he doesn't work evenings then he could at least show face for a couple of hours.

He is not being unreasonable. However you do need to consider if you are happy to socialise around his working hours. Unfortunately your bff working hours do seem quite restrictive and you dont seem happy to accept them.....