Not listed on title deed of DH's overseas house

[tippingpoint14]

DH bought a house in country A just before we met. He's just finished paying it off. Been married five years when we bought our place in country B where we now live.

I contributed a significant deposit to our house that I had saved over the years before we met. The house is in both names. Yet his house OS is only in his name.

He says we can't change the title deed to include me unless we are physically there. We've visited a couple of times since we married but it never seemed to get done for various reasons. He's been there a couple of times alone since but says I also need to physically be there to make the change, which I won't be able to do for some time.

I'm struggling to understand why we can't add my name from afar, but I'm not familiar with the ins and outs of these things.

Does anyone have any knowledge that could shed some light?

[Drabarni]

See a solicitor and find out for yourself what the law is in Poland. If you are splitting you can't always rely on him to tell you about the law and property. You have to find these things out for yourself.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

You really should be paying a proportionate amount towards the bills. 50/50 when you are part time and on a lower income isn't fair at all.

[monkeyplanet]

He may be telling the truth, in my home country overseas you have to be physically present to make changes to the deeds, in the event of death you would need a death certificate, will and either a marriage or birth certificate as well so very strict.

[Nanny0gg]

There are certainly things here that aren't right.

I'd get legal advice regarding the situation here and in Poland. Their laws regarding marital assets may not be the same.

Find out exactly where you stand.

Any chance you can talk about the current situation regarding payments though? He's screwing you over.

[Tistheseason17]

You should be paying proportionate share of joint liabilities based on your income share of the total household income - not 50/50 if you earn less/more than 50%.

You have bigger problems you need to sort I think..

[Wincarnis]

Get legal advice ASAP. I had a similar situation (not Poland) and it didn’t end well due to local laws.

[vivacian]

I don’t understand why OP is getting such a hard time. She’s obviously in a financially unfair, if not abusive, relationship.

[HUZZAH212]

Speak to a solicitor, and personally while I'd raise the question of addressing equal finances whilst on maternity. I'd not stop paying into joint finances incase he gets wind divorce may be on the horizon and secures his Polish property. I've no idea how Polish law stands on property but a solicitor can look into it for you. What's to say he couldn't transfer deeds of the house to his parents or a family member, and you might end up with zero recourse.

[FizzyGreenWater]

Having a baby is a good time to sort this shit out.

Your finances are joint.

What should be happening is that all money goes into a pot. All expenses are paid. What is left over is divided into joint savings (BOTH NAMES!) and fun money. Equally split.

He earns more... because you are going part time to take the brunt of child-rearing? Then in that case, it won't be possible for you to go part-time and do this after all, as if you are not going to be working as an equal team you cannot take on tasks which disadvantage you financially but benefit him socially/domestically. If he won't throw his lot in with yours, then you are two equally divided agents and everything needs to be split down the middle. So you go back to work full time and he needs to pay 50% of the costs of a nanny. Oh and recompense you for the time you've taken off, 50% of the loss of income through mat leave you endured to bear and take care of the 50%-his baby. And yes he should keep his overseas home and you want your deposit back...

It doesn't work, living like this - unless you're with a financial abuser of course, and then it works out very nicely for them.

[vivacian]

How is he contributing to the care of your child?

[FizzyGreenWater]

Have to say though, if you split and you're married and you've got a young baby to consider, him having an overseas property that he's refused to put you on the deeds for is a great leverage for getting even more than the 65-70% of the house you would probably be awarded anyway, especially with your deposit taken into account... He's got his house in Poland so he can just fuck off there, right!?!

[HUZZAH212]

@Vivican OP isn't getting a hard time. She's just being advised to seek proper legal advice. Unless someone on MN has been in her exact circumstances then they can't give her proper advice. Plus that's still unlikely to be legally qualified advice. It's not going to stand up in court that 'mummyof1' on MN said 'well XYZ will happen' 🙄

[tippingpoint14]

@Nanny0gg Our conversations end in fights and things don't get resolved.

I'm never completely sure how much he earns because it fluctuates, but he would earn at least double what I do. Often more.

We have a joint account for the mortgage and we have always paid half each into it - even while I was on mat leave. We also have a joint account for bills and we were always putting an equal amount into that too, up until some time after I went back to work when I said I was going to pay less given I would only have about a fiver left over each week. I also pay my phone and other bills myself so literally couldn't pay them otherwise. So I started paying a bit less towards the joint account for bills.

He says he makes up for it because he pays for groceries and petrol. The amount in the joint account was never enough to pay the bills so he would add to it when necessary. Now that we have the rent money (though it's not much) it goes into that account and has taken a bit of the stress off.

The lack of action on his OS assets is part of many concerns of mine. We recently did our tax and whereas I will receive a return because I paid too much he will owe money because he didn't pay enough. When we left the accountant he said he was relieved for my return so it could pay off his debt. Then said he would pay his ongoing tax out of our rent earnings from now on. Both comments had me taken aback.

[ScreamingLadySutch]

Yes that is what my ex did.

But you are still entitled to half under British law

[isspacethefinalfrontier]

Why does it matter op? It's all marital assets now?

Maybe, maybe not. What is the legal position in Poland?

[vivacian]

I'm never completely sure how much he earns because it fluctuates, but he would earn at least double what I do. Often more.

FFS why do women get in to this kind of relationship and have kids in this kind of situation.

[tippingpoint14]

@vivacian Thanks. Makes me feel much better and really helpful.

[BlouseAndSkirt]

OP you have not set this thread up in a way that makes it easy to help you.
Plus there have been spectacular lapses in comprehension by lots pf posters.

I suggest you post in Legal, put Poland in the title and get some informed advice.

Poland house: For how many years did your money pay towards it? Have you got a record or proof of your contributions to that house?
You need to ask specifically about the law in Poland, but as you are not married and if your name is not on the deeds, I would guess it would be hard to claim. You could always ask]k a Polish lawyer here to advise you.

You house here: when you buy a property jointly with someone else you can buy it as 'joint tenants' or as 'tenants in common'. As joint tenants you own it as a partnership and automatically own half, and if one dies the other owner inherits their share. As tenants in common you can have a deed that says exactly what proportion you own and how much deposit you put in. The solicitor should have talked this through with you when you bought?

If you are on maternity leave you are now operating as a family team, for the time being, he has a wage coming in but you are providing the childcare for your joint child that enables him to earn. So it is extremely unreasonable to expect that financial contributions remain the same. What is equal in terms of payments is not always what is fair.

[vivacian]

Sorry OP, it makes me angry and scared reading this, and it just gets worse.

[NotStayingIn]

Yes he is financially abusive. I would get a lawyer. Sorry you are in this situation OP but it’s great you are now aware. The trick he pulled with getting you to contribute evenly whilst on maternity is disgusting. You should have put your foot down then, but I get that at the time it’s all a bit overwhelming.

Take legal action now before you get screwed over even more. I would use the tax rebate you got for that, it will be a wise investment in your future.

[Nanny0gg]

Definitely get legal advice. You're being taken for a ride. And hang on to your rebate!
Ducks in a row time...

[Ferretyone]

@tippingpoint14

Should you be [in view of what you say] contemplating divorce then it does not matter [legally] whose names are "on the deeds". The court will ask for a form ["Form E"] from each party on which all assets are listed. The starting point is 50:50

[HUZZAH212]

Is DH a Polish national?

[floraloctopus]

Do you think it’s financially abusive to have expected me to pay half the mortgage while on maternity leave?

It's hardly what a decent husband would do is it? I'd say it was certainly extremely unreasonable.

[tippingpoint14]

@vivacian I can't speak for other women who find themselves in shit situations, but here goes.

Up until very recently I was under the impression my upbringing was okay. Not great, but okay. Most people who would have observed our family would have thought so too. However, my parents hated each other and the whole family is repressed.

My mother has never told me she loves me, and has instead spent my life tearing me down. Every. Chance. She. Gets. I was sexually assaulted at one point by a "friend". Stupidly told her and she told me to just "ignore that silly man" and never mentioned it again. Laughed it off.

She knows a few things about my husband that a "normal" mother would tell her daughter aren't right and encourage her to leave. Yet she cuts me off when I talk, rolls her eyes and throws me under the bus when he is around so they can both have at me. She's told me I'm lucky to have him.

I'm a big girl now and starting to realise how wrong this all is. But when you grow up like this you think it's normal. You attract a certain type of person and it just strengthens the idea of normality.

So this is one example of how "ffs... women get in to this kind of relationship and have kids in this kind of situation".