What’s the nicest way to do this

[24hoursofsun]

My parents will be travelling for medical treatment to another city. A family member had kindly offered to put them up, possibly for a long period of time. As everyone is, the family member obviously has a household budget. Would it be rude or undercut their kind gesture for me (or through my DP) to offer some money to offset the costs of hosting? If it’s not rude, what’s the best way to offer?

I’ve not been in your situation but I don’t think it’s rude to offer. Unless the relative in question has form for taking kind offers the wrong way.

I’d probably call them, say “I’m so happy/glad/grateful (whichever) that you have offered to take X in whilst they’re getting treatment, I want to offer what support I can, the best way I can do this is cover some of their cost of living with you so that they don’t have to worry about it whilst staying with you.”

Obviously you know your family better than this internet stranger, but if they are usually fair and level headed they shouldn’t take offence to a well-meaning offer.

Could you send a hamper to your family member? Include things like drink, dried food, toiletries etc?

Talk to your parents before doing anything. They may already have this covered.

I would have thought that was for your parents to sort out, not you, by offering a contribution towards the household costs for the time of their stay. If you want to do anything, send a gift, but not money.

Um surely this is your parents' business to sort out?!

They are making the offer to your parents, not you. Without being rude, I don't really see where you come into it.

What you would certainly be undercutting is your parent's ability to manage their own affairs. If this were me I would thik it odd for that offer to come through you, it seems very patronising towards your parents. They aren't putting up your parents for you.

It rather implies your parents are socially unaware - is that the case?

I get it. If this were my mum, I would be considering how to contribute to this family, not my mum. It wouldn't necessarily occur to my mum. Even though she is a generous woman.

OP, it's not rude to offer, but would the money be better coming from your parents i.e. they put £100 in their hands?

My parents would have thought of contributing years ago, but wouldn’t necessarily think of it now.

I suggest you talk to your parents about how their stay will work, and how their guests will accommodate them.

Your parents should be offering to make a proportionate contribution to the weekly grocery bill plus an additional contribution to utility bills.

Their presence in the house after medical treatment will probably have a big impact on heating bills, particularly if their hosts are normally out of the house during the day.

Are payout sure these relatives understand what they are in for and how the stay will be? It might be a good idea to also consider a plan b incase this become too much for everyone.