To stop contacting this friend

[GreyWalls7]

Quick background- been friends with this woman for a number of years, used to be really close at one stage but not so much in recent years. Meet up regularly to catch up and always get on well when we do. More recently, friend has stopped replying to WhatsApp messages, I can see she's online often through the day but not opening or reading my messages for up to a month or two, sometimes only if I send another message. I mentioned this recently and she claimed that it was the other way around (even though I can clearly see from the chat history that this isn't the case). Latest is that I sent a message about catching up which is still unread.

WIBU to just assume she isn't interested and not persue anymore, even though I will miss the occasions we did catch up? Feel as though the friendship is now one sided and no longer worth the effort or hurt.

Yes I would assume she isn't interested - I sympathies- this sort of situation can be upsetting

Yeah, I'd just let it die.

Stop instigating and contacting and if she doesn’t contact you then let the friendship go. I’ve done that myself previously. Yo can’t force friendships. They should happen naturally.

Yes, this is actually happening to me at the moment and it’s someone that I don’t want anything to do with anymore. The messages are actually becoming an annoyance now.

Thanks for the answers - think I will just let it go...

@Caravanholidayfun can I ask why you haven't just told the other person? I don't feel I deserve an explanation from my 'friend' but I'd much rather she would just say that she's no longer interested than allow me to carry on thinking we are friends

Can I bump this?

I would stop messaging her first and see if she reaches out. If you send her a reply and she dosnt then respond, don't send her a second message.

If she's busy and but still wants to be friends she'll reach out.
If she dosnt then you know it's run it's course and move on. X

@GreyWalls7 urgh I don’t really know. We weren’t hugely close and we lost touch seemingly mutually for a while then her circumstances changed and she got back in touch and it just kind of annoyed me that when she had other things going on I wasn’t good enough to prioritise but as soon as she didn’t she got in touch. Then when I stopped replying her messages got a bit ... not aggressive but very much I know you’re ignoring me so I will keep messaging you until you either have to block me or tell me to fuck off which I really didn’t like. Also her message were only ever ‘hi, how are you?’ which really annoys me because I feel like if you want to chat bring something to the table.

Thanks for answering @Caravanholidayfun.
I suppose there are two sides to every story. It isn't a nice feeling to be rejected but I'm going to take a step back and try to move on, focus on the friends who do care.

I'm going through this too op. I have decided just to stop being the instigator and if she happens to suggest plans again I'll know not to get my hopes up. I agree just to focus on the friends who actually reciprocate my efforts!

Sorry to hear that @Longfacenow it's not a nice feeling is it? I only wish she would give me the real reason, particularly as this friend was so straight talking and honest!

I’m not trying to play devils advocate but is it possible she’s going through a hard time or suffering from depression? I only ask because when I sink into a depressive state the first thing I do is withdraw. I’ll be ‘seen’ online but I’m usually just checking for any emergency messages and then come off the app. It’s awful for me to do and I have struggled from the opposite end of your OP. I’ve had an awful bereavement this year and my DH is currently awaiting a diagnosis that may be Cancer. I have a well meaning but persistent friend who messages me every day but my head is so taken up with the above and caring for my DC that I just can’t engage with a well meaning but ultimately general chit-chat type of conversation, I’ve tried explaining this kindly to said friend but it hasn’t worked.

Well try thinking of it this way: why would you want to be friends with a person who treats you like this? I would stop messging her and in addition, if she messaged me, I'd ignore it. I'd actively make the choice myself not to put up with this shit.

@NaviSprite I'm so sorry to hear that and hope the diagnosis is not what you think
She still meets other friends, I can see that on Facebook.

Ah, then in that case she’s being a dick sorry OP

Sometimes people are busy.
If she values your friendship she will contact you.
If her life is difficult at the moment it may take a while
That's ok.
Friendships go through stages. Let her have space. Eventually she will come to you if she misses you.
If she doesn't, give it a month and send another bright and breezy message (short)
Then leave it up to her

Thanks for the comments. Think I'll let the friendship fizzle out as it's run it's course obviously.

This is happening to me, almost identically. I’m going to let things fizzl,e out. There’s no point if someone doesn’t contact you for months. Sadly sometimes people that we think of as good friend, on reflection were just making use of you.
I mourn the loss of what I thought was a great friendship at the time.
Value the friendships that you do have.

I've been on the otherside. Except I've been reading messages and not replying for days, although I'm positive I've already responded. I had a baby 4 months ago so am putting it down to baby brain at the moment. It's not that I don't want to see my friends, I'm just very tired and still in a bit of a bubble of hopelessness 😳

It does sound like she's trying to fade the friendship out. You likely haven't done anything wrong and she's clearly ok if you've seen her on facebook socialising with others. She's probably just at a different phase in life to you or really busy. Stop contacting her. If she is phasing you out she'll be relieved and you won't hear from her again, or if she does contact you she was just busy and your lack of contact should prompt her to get in touch. At least you'll know either way!

I'm letting mine fizzle too. I think when someone is on lots of social media and seems to be prioritise liking posts rather than texting me or phoning me back for weeks it is sending a message in itself and I need to face it!

This thread makes me sad. Sure we are all more likely to click or gravitate to some people more than others, but often when someone is busy or goes quiet we have no idea what is going on for them. Maybe they are having work or family issues, maybe they lost someone they love, maybe they are are trying and failing for a baby, maybe they are unwell, maybe they have money worries. Can we honestly say we know everything that is going on? Being a parent is amazing and tough. Maybe they reach out because they thought so highly of you, and circumstances beyond their control made it difficult to before. Maybe they are quiet because they are struggling with something. We want our kids to be kind to each other, we should definitely be kind to each other!

If you really want the friendshio why not try ringing? A few missed calls which arent returned and youll lnownfor sure

I’m having the same issue, a friend of 25 years suddenly not replying for weeks at a time when we usually speak daily. I noticed she only replies if I instigate several times so I decided not to anymore and I haven’t heard a peep from her, despite seeing her online and talking to mutual friends. Constantly cancels plans to meet up so I stopped arranging things or agreeing to any suggestions. To me it’s a sign the friendship is over. Possibly they don’t know the best way to do it to save our feelings, but it’s been an eye opener as I realised I don’t enjoy her company anymore. As hard as it is, it’s best to know this way instead of through a fallout. I do agree with the comment about the possibility of depression though, I generally withdraw from any contact from anyone when I feel low. Enjoy time with your real friends, she will eventually realise she lost a good friend.

This has happened to me. Annoyingly, when I stopped initiating contact she got in touch - took about a month. She asked when I was free to meet up & I replied 'lovely to hear from you! Anytime ok with me, when are you free?' She didn't reply.
I'm going to delete if she contacts me again.