to think family court is a horrific place to be...

[bakabakabeyond]

...if you are a victim of domestic abuse? All I am doing is protecting my baby son from the man who physically, sexually, emotionally, financially etc abused me. He neglected my son, and mistreated him terribly. I'm traumatised and extremely scared of him. How am I going to cope with being cross examined? I wish our awful parliament would stop screwing around and stop delaying the domestic abuse bill. How will I ever get through this? I'm going to fall apart. Help!

Have you got a solicitor? My experience is you won’t be cross examined the solicitor won’t allow it

I can't afford a solicitor or barrister. Can't get legal aid even though I only take home a small pay cheque. Can't get pro bono as case is too complex. I am screwed.

Yep, it was horrific and i got a "good" outcome. It was more traumatic than criminal court

I cannot add anything but just wanted to send you some and hope it goes ok.

https://rightsofwomen.org.uk/ hope it goes ok I'm sorry you are going through this

You can claim legal aid as a dv victim. Message me if you like

Hey op, I think if you take out a non molestation order against your ex then you qualify for legal aid. It is definitely worth looking into - also some solicitors will give you a free consultation.

It's also definitely worth looking into a McKenzie Friend - some people charge but you could also use a family member.

We are going to family court later this month and it is a horrendous experience, and that's with legal representation. I really hope you find some support xx

You need a solicitor through legal aid, get on it straight away you simply must not go into this alone.

It doesn’t need to horrendous though. I sit there in a sweat shirt reading undefeated and laugh internally to myself. It helps.

I’m back there next month, every time I wipe the floor with my ex and his barrister simply because I am right

Yes and I had solicitors and barristers up to my eyeballs (sadly he did too), was an awful, scared, expensive and violating experience. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this

I'm not eligible for legal aid. I own a house. My ex still lives in it and is refusing to sell. I am up to my eyeballs in debt. Legal aid is means tested regardless of abuse

Look for a MacKenzie friend. They can be found - good and bad - and free or paid. These are people who will help you present your case but they cannot act as Barrister. The family court is a sensible place these days but you do need "evidence". That will include medical records and copies of documents in a "bundle". It is absolutely pointless simply saying "DP/DH said this -- did this". Cross examination will be limited by the judge but if you give evidence the OH can cross examine. There is a truism "cross examine do not examine crossly". The object of cross examination is not speculative. Again "do not cross-examine unless you know the answer"

@bakabakabeyond

Ok then you can do this alone. I’ve done it twice and the only advice I would give you is pause and think before you speak. Find a focal point in the room, a clock painting or something and fixate on that and know that the truth always comes out in the end

As part of the settlement the court may well order - if asked - a sale

@bakabakabeyond

For those saying get Legal Aid, the threshold is very low. If you are on certain benefits you will immediately qualify; if you are on a low income it is worth applying, but you might not get it, or be asked to contribute towards it.

Do you have the support of a local charith that supports DA survivors? Some have mentors who will come to court with you. You can ask the courts for a screen, and other measures so that you are not stuck face to face with your abuser. You can ask if the questions can be relayed from the judge rather than direct from the other parent (I am not sure if they will always grant this, though).

I am not going to lie, I had a very traumatic first Family Court experience, I wish I had known that someone from the local DA agency could have been there with me (and I had a solicitor). It is OK to get upset, though - just explain that something is triggering for you and ask for a moment to compose yourself.

And yes - it is disgraceful that the DA bill still hasn't gone through!

You're not even automatically eligible if you're on benefits. I was on maternity leave when I applied and on 0 pay. Living off universal credit. Still didn't qualify

I've got support from my local domestic abuse and sexual abuse charity. I have someone coming to court with me. It makes me feel no better about the fact that my ex is solicitored up to the eyeballs and I am not

Judges in family court will ensure it is fair for you, they are chosen specifically for this role

Legal aid is provided to dv victims regardless of income or property ownership. I am currently using it.

@shouldlaugh that's just not true at all.

Oh OP I'm so sorry you can't get any help.

Make some clear notes listing the behaviour and tell them you are scared to death of the proceedings and of your ex husband.

You will be ok I promise, I got through this with a nasty crafty and believable monster and got full custody of my son despite the fact I'm not very coherent when I'm scared. You can so this.

I'm right behind you

My ex had an expensive barrister, I still won.