Crying and feeling let down

[probablyoverreacting1]

I had an operation a month ago for a chronic illness, and have had a pretty miserable recovery. Some of my friends who were out of town decided to visit another the city I live in and explore. They messaged me asking if I wanted to join and I was thrilled at the possibility of having a proper day out the house and seeing them again.

I said I'd love to join because I've been laying around feeling sorry for myself for a few weeks, but I probably won't be up for trekking round the whole city as I'm still recovering. I said I'd meet them at a certain museum they were planning to go to and join them for that. They didn't have a planned time to get there so I told them to let me know when they're leaving the place they were going to beforehand and I'll make my way.

So I've been excited to see friends again because I haven't left the house for a while thanks to the surgery and I live in my own so don't get that much human contact anyway. The day comes, apparently they arrive in the city past midday, later than they were planning, because they just didn't get up and get out early enough. I asked if they were still planning to go to the museum and they said yes but will have to rearrange their plans for the day because it closes at 6.

I put on a face full of makeup and get ready feeling really positive about the day. Waited. Waited. It's getting late and I message them again. Apparently they lost track of time and don't have time to go to the museum so they're hanging about for little longer then going back. So I'm not seeing them today.

I know I must just be fragile at the moment but I've spent the last 15 minutes crying. It's just upset me because it would have taken such little effort planning on their part to include me in the day. If they told me they couldn't make the museum I would have joined for something else. I feel like an idiot because I've been sat at home staring at my phone waiting for the message telling me to make my way and wasting my day away. I wouldn't be reacting like this under normal circumstances but they all know how tough it a time I've had with my illness/surgery and it would have made my day to have a day out with friends which I haven't done in a while. I just wish someone would sometimes make an effort with me.

What a bad piece of behaviour. When you message to say you're ready and waiting it would have taken nothing to reply "excellent, I'll drop you a couple of our locations as we wander. If it looks like we won't end up at the museum you can pick another one to meet us."

The simple act of staying in touch rather than leaving you in silence really matters.

I agree with Bluetac. Sometimes standing up for yourself is a good thing.
Sorry you had such a disappointment

That's rubbish - sorry, OP. They've been inconsiderate and thoughtless

Hi op. I’m sorry to hear about your day. It sounds like your friends are pretty thoughtless, especially if they’ve not seen you or asked how you are after the op??? No wonder you feel upset, I feel upset for you! It’s easy for an outsider to say but I would seriously reconsider your friendship with them. Would you have done the same if the roles had been reversed? I’ll guess the answer is no. Please don’t accept this behaviour from them, and when (or if!) they get in touch please let them know how you feel. It’s really rude op and self absorbed.

Yes they were mean, living in the moment and not collectively thinking about you.

I hope you can recover from this, people are just selfish sometime's and don't see the hurt they cause.

From your point of view it seems so little effort, but it completely changes what was supposed to be a relaxed, unplanned day if you are having to keep an eye on the time. So yanbu to feel cross and disappointed, but on the other hand yu were a little unreasonable to not read the situation better

YANBU OP, I’d be really upset.

I know this doesn’t help but I think it was a lack of consideration on their part.

I really hope you feel better soon.

OP, I think you sound like a really lovely person, whom most people would be lucky to have in their life.

This is another hard day for you but you will have better days and lighter days to come.

Your friends have been thoughtless but that is their issue.

Move on and focus on yourself.

You sound like a great girl who will thrive and survive.

I'm sending you huge goodwill, as I imagine others will, who read this thread.

💐💐

That was really thoughtless of them. It’s totally understandable you were disappointed. I’d have hated that even without the added layer of feeling physically (and therefore emotionally) fragile. Have they got in touch since?

I’m not sure whether you should let them know how upset you were or not- whether just cooling off with them a bit and finding new friends might be better, long term. Though that’s obviously not as easy if you can’t get out much.

But the only way you can really deal with it right now is to decide that tomorrow is another day! Can you put on your makeup once again and spend Sunday visiting the museum by yourself? Or somewhere else? Actually going places alone is sometimes better - you can go where you like, when you like, do what you like, and all at your own pace.

I wish you all the best for your recovery - you sound lovely, they clearly don’t deserve you and you should put yourself first.