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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To offer a small gift to my neighbours for their patience.

18 replies

DuckWillow · 16/11/2019 14:36

I don’t think IABU but other neighbours say “don’t bother”.

So the back story is we live in social housing and recently DH came into some money. Not enough to buy a house or anything like that but enough that he could update his car which was high in mileage with a enter version and have the garden landscaped.

So we got several quotes and then the landscaper arrived and the work is now nearly done.

I have a shared drive wih one of my neighbours.

These neighbours are “odd”. They are reclusive and they deal in a minor way with drugs, I suspect they may be addicts themselves but they function. He works on and off but mostly they are in the house.

When the landscapers arrived they and I knocked to let the neighbours know that there would be a skip on the drive and some building materials but that these would be strictly kept to my side. They said this was okay and this has been done.

The workers are great and at the end of every day they have tidied, swept and hosed down residue to keep the path and driveway clean.

However the husband has been beyond rude to the landscapers. He has moaned, complained and sworn at them. If the landscapers truck is a smidgen over the front of their drive he is out telling them to “f**king move it”. And is moaning about any dust on his car.

Now I get that dust on his car is annoying....it’s not a brand new vehicle...it’s very old but it’s their only vehicle so it’s precious to them.

What I want to do is either pay someone to come and clean their car (or am happy to do so myself) and/or drop in a card and some biscuits saying “thank you for being patient” and acknowledging that the last week has created a certain amount of nuisance to them l

To be clear his partner/wife had not been out to complain.

So ...I said this to other neighbours who have said I shouldn’t bother. And it must be said they have caused real issues recently in the street BUT for the sake of being civil and acknowledging the inconvenience to them I feel I should do it.

Oh wise Mumsnet......what do you think?

Get the car cleaned and drop in a family box of biscuits and a card.
Not bother.

I’m going with the first one in my head.

OP posts:
ilyjccs · 16/11/2019 14:38

However the husband has been beyond rude to the landscapers. He has moaned, complained and sworn at them. If the landscapers truck is a smidgen over the front of their drive he is out telling them to “fking move it”. And is moaning about any dust on his car

I wouldn’t be wasting my money on someone like that. It’s a nice gesture OP and in other circumstances, I’d say yes do buy something. But your neighbour has been a dick so doesn’t deserve a gift

Majorcollywobble · 16/11/2019 14:39

I wouldn’t bother.
A card saying thank you for your patience when the husband hasn’t demonstrated any could be misconstrued.
You did the right thing initially so don’t worry .

Butchyrestingface · 16/11/2019 14:40

Er, NO. Not for a rude, foul-mouthed, drug-dealing twat like that.

But you do you.

BlackCatSleeping · 16/11/2019 14:41

Don’t bother. If they had been kind and understanding, I’d get them a thank you gift, but they’ve been rude and unpleasant, so why bother?

BrickTop999 · 16/11/2019 14:42

Id defo not bother
People like that would read into it that you are somehow taking the piss as they certainly wasn't patient
I’d have as little to do with them as possible

DuckWillow · 16/11/2019 14:45

He has been a nightmare. I gather he may be a battered husband so I guess his life isn’t easy. Police have been out recently to him and he seems to be spending odd nights sleeping in the car.

I don’t have a lot to do with them usually but I hate inconveniencing anyone. I genuinely feel bad about his car getting dusty. And funnily enough the landscaper has just told one of his young workers to knock and offer to clean it. He says he can’t touch it without their permission so is offering to get any dust off.

OP posts:
OneDay10 · 16/11/2019 14:45

No an apology is more than enough. It might give them an impression that you tip toe around them and might make life difficult for other things that come up.

BlackCatSleeping · 16/11/2019 14:50

I think that’s even more reason to leave it.

ilyjccs · 16/11/2019 14:59

And funnily enough the landscaper has just told one of his young workers to knock and offer to clean it

And if the guy who cleans it is accused of so much as getting a scratch on there, you could be opening a can of worms

Butterfly02 · 16/11/2019 15:00

Nice sentiment but if he's unreasonable may backfire on you definitely wouldn't do it yourself.
I had a porch built on my last home was and had my neighbours windows cleaned afterwards. But did ask first and they said yes and thank you!

honeygirlz · 16/11/2019 15:01

If he approaches you about the car, then offer £20 max for a car valet clean.

Don’t offer anything off your own bat.

I would also keep the landscaper out of it in case they accuse him of damaging the car.

Toddlerteaplease · 16/11/2019 15:24

Not if they've been rude. No way!

TheReluctantCountess · 16/11/2019 15:32

I was going to say yes, until I read the bit about him being rude. So no, don’t bother.

gavisconismyfriend · 16/11/2019 15:52

I would pop a card and biscuits round. Think it’s a lovely idea and just because they’re being rude doesn’t mean you should go against your own nice nature. Might not mention patience - as another poster says, that could be misconstrued as sarcasm given the circumstances.

FreyaMountstuart · 16/11/2019 16:08

Do what you think is right

DuckWillow · 16/11/2019 16:11

Thanks all, he did accept with thanks the offer of car cleaning and that’s been done. He’s happy with that and the landscaper is now jet washing the path and drive.

I might just drop round some biscuits and an apology about all the noise. I won’t mention anything else.

OP posts:
Frenchw1fe · 16/11/2019 16:18

Just take biscuits, without a card, and say just something for the inconvenience.

A little kindness goes a long way.

worriedmumtoteen · 16/11/2019 16:18

Not bother. He’s been unbelievably rude and aggressive. Why reward that?

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