to bubble with anger at dd1 who will not fall asleep without cuddling me, when I taught her this horrible routine?

[dontwanttogetoutofbed]

it was cute for the first while, but I can no longer stand sitting next to dd1's bed as she falls asleep (or not) by playing with my hair. usually i end up screaming (silently, since dd2 is sleeping in the same room) at her, that she better close her eyes and go to sleep or else, or that mummy really doesnt like her behaviour... its my fault since I never taught her to fall asleep on her own? any advice?

How old is she?

2.5

Well, yeah YABU because you taught it to her...but there is a way out.

My own 13mo princess requires me to watch her fall alseep and keeps her eyes open until the very last millisecond to ensure that I do it. She then freaks out when she wakes and discovers that I wasn't watching her all night. Its my fault, I taught her that it was OK for me to do that so she has no other idea of normality. Really pisses me off but what can I do?

I am going to try sleep training next week. Create a new routine and absolutely stick to it. It will include a story and a decent amount of time with me in her room, but an end point where I leave while she is awake. DS never had a problem with this and I'm sure she wont after the 1st couple of nights.
I'll let you know how it goes...

Aw, I know that one. Its actually more frustrating because you feel like its your fault. Nothing wrong in her doing it if you are happy BUT if you are not you have to change it.

She's old enough to change it right? Time for a new routine? Can you get her all involved in making up a new way to go to sleep. Something else to cuddle. LAST cuddle and mean it. Or mooch about her room while she gets sleepy then have some ritual before you go... (just ideas)

But it made me laugh (and cry) when I was a friend asked me if dd had a special toy or comforter. Yeah. Me.

i have wanted to change her routine for a while, however my big problem is that dd2 shares the bedroom, and most likely the crying that will go on will mean two dds crying and tired.....
but i guess thats it i have no choice.
i will try any tactic (last cuddle, last book, anything....)

PS my dd (16mth) has just learnt to go to sleep on her own. From wide awake. No crying or nuffink

Since 8mths or so (when she started getting the where have you gone thing when she woke up), i have let her see me leave when really really sleepy (but never left her crying for more than about 5 seconds so go back in a lot). Kind of gradual thing.

But the last few nights she can suddenly self settle. Hmmmm.

How old is DD2?

Perhaps she could start to stroke a long haired toy instead while you sit by the bed, and then you gradually withdraw inch by inch over a period of weeks? The idea is that although you eventually move out of sight, it's so gradual she hardly notices. You end up sitting by the door, then just the other side. I've done it with both DSs, still sit outside the door with DS2 (or more likely do a few upstairs chores) but must admit didn't have the physical contact thing to deal with as well.

Maybe it needs to come from her?

So ask her during the day how she should go to sleep because mummy needs to go downstairs etc (with some suggestions). Act it out and 'pretend' to go to sleep. Make it fun and a game and something she is eager to do -

'hee hee look at you, you are going to sleep cuddling bear. night night! [then come back] haa haa, night night. look mummy is going downstairs!'.

Actually this sounds demented but is what I do with my dd - we put her bears to bed and she says night night and closes the door, then comes back later and sees that they are fine etc etc. Might even be more for me, but seems easier.

(i don't do the crying thing anyway)

Been there! Sounds just like me and my DS. I breast fed my son to sleep until he two and it took for me to be 2/3rds of the way through my next pregnancy to give me the push to get him sleeping on my own.

What worked for me was the slowly slowly yet firm route. At first I got him to accept sleep without suckle, breaking him off and cuddling him at shorter intervals over a few weeks. Then the cuddling time got shorter and shorter every night and I would sit in a chair next to the bed saying 'shhhh now, sleepy time'. Then I removed the chair next to the bed and hovered outside the door putting him back to bed if he got out etc. Now he goes to sleep on his own after his book, bath, milk, cuddle, tucki-in, teddies placed next to him and final kiss.

He did cry a bit some nights and I would try to guage how upset he was. If he was really upset I would be back in his bed cuddling him and reassring him, but generally it was slowly, slowly, step by step but firm.

You can do it. Also, watch out for those day naps because they can make it harder at night.

Good luck and it can be done.

Got the basic idea from Elaine Pantley's fantastic 'No Cry Sleep Solution'.

His own, sorry.

Also, my son is about 2 yrs 4 months and has been going to sleep without me next to him for about a month.

keeping her with you downstairs then carrying her up to bed at a later stage an option or co-sleeping?
I know to most not hte idea, but they do eventually grow out of it, and as frsutrating it is sometimes....it's abetter situation that way....because in general, tis not actually a problem

just to day, I second pastalady's book recommendation!

BTW, my DD is 5mo, and I put her to the moses basket sleepy but awake since she was born but since she was 4mo needs me to help her sleep! I'm beginning to think that some sleep theories are just that - theories