Long story, I got divorced 5 years ago. Totally amicable. 2DC. He couldn't afford to move out and pay child support as he had huge debts going back years before we were together and had just done an IVA.
I decided that it wasn't worth our children's MH to argue about money and so we shared childcare to the extent that I am the resident parent and he has them whenever the kids want to go there or if I am working away. Some weeks he will have one dc 3 nights a week and occasionally the other dc a max of 2 nights away.
We also had a £10k child tax credits overpayment (long story) that I agreed to pay off as I knew he couldn't afford it. I earn more than him.
Get on really well. Argue occasionally but spend all family occasions together and work stuff out.
Recently he has been getting really tough on the kids, as a result (I think) of his girlfriend not particularly liking my kids. He lives with her and her 2DC.
I am a single parent and I'm literally paying out every penny so that I can survive, I have 3 jobs and am just keeping my head above water. I'm starting to resent that I'm doing this and he isn't paying a penny; but I've not said anything as I don't want to rock the boat. The kids will be at their house and she will take her kids out for treats and leave my kids behind. To be fair their dad doesn't bother going but I still wouldn't leave kids out.
The kids have started to not want to go to his as they say that his gf is more tough on them than her own kids and they are always in trouble.
We recently had a row and I brought up how his gf treats my dc. She then rang me and spent 25 minutes moaning about how my children are ungrateful and rude and I need to face up to it. Her kids on the other hand are angels. I do not recognise these children she is describing. People often comment on how polite and kind my children are (although they can be horrible sometimes, I'm under no illusions).
I've said that I don't want my DC around someone who clearly hates them and so their dad can not have them at her house anymore, but can see them whenever he likes otherwise. He has chosen not to see them as he won't give in to "my demands". To clarify he has never given me a penny child support and I have never asked him for a penny, although if the kids we'd a haircut etc we take it in turns to pay. And he pays about £150 a month for childcare, I pay £75.
He's now saying that I am using the children as pawns to get at him as I just want money?! WTF?? I've never asked for child support. Although to be fair I have commented recently how I am skint and he doesn't give me anything. But I have never stopped him seeing our kids or asked for money.
He is now messaging my children saying I won't let them see him as I hate his gf.
AIBU? What do I do?