To leave my husband

[pinksparkleunicorns]

He doesn't love me anymore.

It's clear, he is very depressed. I am too.

He is angry all the time. I can't get anything right. He only sees my faults, not the good. I just seem to make him angrier. I think no matter how hard I try, he will still be angry. So I have just stopped caring and stopped trying. He puts me down and undermines me in front of the children.

I think if we carry on I will end up either dead (suicidal) or having an affair with someone who makes me feel human again.

Incase it's relevant (so to not drop feed):

We have four DC. All 2 years apart. All under 7.5.

One of our DC has special needs.

I have financially contributed the most to our home. Until I had our DC. I then went part time. Now DH is full time and constantly throws it at me that he in the breadwinner and I should be thankful. I still work, but part time. Career progression went on hold while our children are young.

I think have body dysmorphia. Friends have alluded to this. I feel disgusting but apparently am slim (ish), quite pretty and (according to others) 'out of his league'. I'm 5'3 and a size 12-14 so I am not sure how true any of this is.

I am worried about the DV we have had. DH has pushed me. I have slapped him. (Both a handful of times).

Writing it down it seems pretty clear, we are over ......right? Or should we try to get help for depression first?

Yes you need to leave him, its clearly not working

This sounds like a toxic environment to raise the children. Separating will likely ease some of the stress and strain you have over your relationship/self esteem. This can only be a good thing.

Thanks, I guess the writing is on the wall.

I just have to work out how to do this financially and logistically

You would not be unreasonable to leave him. You would be unreasonable to stay with him.

This is a toxic environment for you and your children and you need to get away from him.

I'm sorry, it won't be easy. But you must know its the right thing to do.

You sound like you are both under enormous stress! Can you get a break, get help or therapy in some way? Even if you break up, you still have four children together and so you'll need to deal with him.

Depression is just being used as an excuse for textbook abuse. Stop it.

None of what you describe is in the diagnostic criteria for depression.

Get your children out of that environment.

Ok. Go on a benefits calculator. See what you are entitled to as a single mother. Then, go on to the CSA website and see what maintenance he will provide.

Use this as a starting point to see how quickly you will have the finances to leave and actually live. Money isn't everything of course, but you need to be pragmatic about these things.

Would he leave the home? Seeing as the alternative (presumably) is you and 4 young children having to re-home themselves elsewhere.

Just go speak to someone who can give you some legal facts and advice an then guide you on the best way to handle it. It's easy to say your going to leave but it is very hard to follow through with it but if your so unhappy you need to Put yourself first for once you've got 4 young Dc an you can never be a good mum when your feeling so shit. A happy mum is the best!

Xx