To think that sometimes in life there will be people you just don’t get on with?

[FabledBunny]

Is it clash of personalities or what?

Does anyone else feel like this? When you meet a new person via friends etc or someone new starts at work and you just can’t get on with them and sometimes you can’t even pinpoint what it is about them?

Then on the flip side you meet new people you instantly click with and could chat to for hours?

I need a shake i think 🥺

I have definitely found this to be the case. It's as if you and the other person are talking a slightly different language. If I meet someone like this I try to say as little as possible to them, while still being polite.

I think its a chemical reaction you get with some people. Just unexplained but there

Yep and unfortunately that can happen with family members and their partners too.

So true.

I have a situation atm with a new girl who started at work and try as i might i just don’t click with her, like a pp said like we are talking slightly diff languages!

For some stupid reason its sitting heavy in my mind, i think because i consider myself to be a nice welcoming person and this girl has been slowly boiling my blood for the past few weeks and ive ended up in tears over it! Its ridiculous and i feel so silly to have let it get to me. Ive tried distancing myself but she seems to aim for me!!

I only just started to feel settled in my job and feel like i finally knew what i was doing and was enjoying going to work for the first time in months. Now this new girl has changed everything and it doesnt feel the same at all there. Im now not looking forward to go to work on monday. 😢

Hi op I've had some similar issues too. However, someone said to me recently you go to earn money not make friends.
Keep being polite, but most of all concentrate on doing the best you can at your job.

Yep I agree. There’s one woman at work who just blanks me, not sure what Ive done to offend I get on with everyone else. But I just keep my head down, do my hours, am polite to her if we need to discuss work but apart from that zilch.

There's two possible reasons.

1. Often the reason you don't like them is that they have something about their personality that you also have, and don't like, but don't consciously acknowledge.

e.g. Loud people complain that someone they've just met is too loud, or an indecisive person might dislike someone who can't make their mind up etc.

1. We cannot understand an alternative behavioural style. E.g. Optimistic, upbeat behaviours can be thought of as 'rose tinted' by more skeptical or pessimistic behavioural styles. Because people don't distinguish behavioural styles from personalities, it's the person we say we don't like, and not the style of behaviour.

Also, as my Gran summed it up, 'there's nowt as queer as folk !'

Definitely, I even find at work that I probably didn't really gel with about 1 patient at week (out of maybe 60).

I'm currently helping at a youth group and I find one of the other volunteers incredibly annoying (it's completely my fault and not hers though). I doesn't help that she reminds me of my mother in law.

Yup, there are always people you are not going to get on with, or even actively dislike.

I found myself feeling a lot calmer and happier with life in general when I realised this. I used to spend ages agonising over why this it that person didn’t seem to like me etc etc until I realised that more often than not I didn’t like them either. The trick is how to deal with this day to day.

I do think there are people who are just not meant to get on.

I have this with someone DH knows and introduced me to (a man and woman - husband and wife).

Can't abide either of them - no idea why really, they just grate on me - literally everything they do/day irritates me.

I get on with the vast majority of other people but just not these two!

With the work situation, just be polite and professional and leave it at that. You don't have to like her.

If you're constantly meeting people you can't stand you're probably the problem but yes it's totally normal to meet people who kind of grate on you now and then. Usually best to give them the benefit if the doubt and try to rub along with them (unless they've actually done something awful).

My sister and I would agree with you - we may as well have been born on different planets for all that we have in common, ie zero.

It's so true.
Some people just wind me up ( and I wind them up ) but there isn't real reason for it. Just a clash of personalities. Some people I click with and others I don't.
it's a weird thing about people and women friendships I've found are the worst to navigate. Women are harder on each other and much more competitive.

Thanks for all your replies, they have certainly made me feel better xx

Yeah I get this also,
What sort of things is she doing to annoy you etc?

I think @nowayhose’s first point is an important one — often people we dislike remind us of an aspect of ourselves we’re not keen on.

People that irrationally annoy/irritate me usually end up being fine and it was more about me than them.
Sometimes though, I’ve had a really strong gut feeling about someone. That’s a completely different thing and should never be ignored.

There’s been a few (not many) people I actively dislike - but generally I find others dislike them too so I think it’s them!

Then there’s been loads of people I don’t dislike but they’re just never going to be a great friend. That’s just people being different surely.

And then yes, a few people I instantly click with.

In your case, do you know how others feel about the new girl?

Totally. Sometimes you can try and try but .. nope.

It's kind of liberating when you realise this and you can stop trying to please everyone, so to speak. Sometimes you do just really click with someone, most of the rest you get along with without problems, sometimes it just doesn't work between you and you can tell they know it too. As mature adults all you can really do is not try to force humour, be pleasant and not deliberately push each other's buttons. As a less mature adult I may or may not have occasionally accidentally on purpose pushed people's buttons...

Just as not everybody likes us, we don't have to like everybody either. Nothing wrong with that. As long as we are polite and civil to everyone, there is nothing wrong with secretly hoping their next shit is a pineapple!

I can never judge people so quickly.
I'll always give people a chance but don't trust people easily.
That's through experience of making rash decisions.
My friends are all brilliant. 😊

I’ve said this many a time on similar and “trust your gut” threads.

I’m 47 and as an ex army brat and army wife I’ve met a LOT of people.

A few - less than a dozen - times in my life I’ve met people I disliked on sight, didn’t trust. All but one I was proven right within a short amount of time.

I don’t think it’s anything “woo” I’ve an interest in psychology and related subjects and there’s a wealth of research on the unconscious signals we pick up on...

Body language
Tone of voice
Facial expressions
Scent...

That informs our response to certain people.

I’ve also learned the hard way (from stupidly ignoring my “gut”) That treating people at work as trustworthy until you KNOW they are (2 of my closest friends started out as colleagues) is foolish.

I agree with pp you are there to work not to socialise. If you get along with colleagues that’s a bonus but the work is the priority.

Don’t do or say anything around this person you wouldn’t be happy with the highest “boss” knowing about. Do your work professionally and diligently. Be civil with her but don’t get drawn into any gossiping or character assassination of ANYONE or of criticising your workplace.

You say ‘girl’ so I assume she’s late teens, very early 20s - is it her first job? Maybe she hasn’t yet got the hang of being in a workplace and things might get better. Good luck, anyway.

There’s one woman where I work who I know is lovely but just irritates me for no reason I can properly pin down.