Upset brother hasn't told me directly he's going to be a father

[Zeusthemoose]

Just that really. AIBU to be upset?

Just spoke to my Mum and he told her 3 days ago. She assumed I already knew.
We've been messaging this week and he's said nothing!! His Gf is 5 months pregnant - I saw them last month and again not a word or hint. I know the reasons people like to wait to tell people but I'm hurt they did the big excited reveal to my parents and didn't even think of letting me know. Has anyone else experienced this from a close relative. Btw im over the moon but not sure if I should congratulate him as I feel that my input obviously isn't that important to him.

I think its very common to make the announcement to your parents, and let them share the news with the rest of the family. Grandparents often enjoy this. maybe you dont see them veryy often or it would be just said in conversation.

It does seem a bit odd. They've told your mum quite late too which makes me wonder if they've maybe had concerns in the pregnancy or something?
Do you have a good relationship normally?

YABU, maybe he is assuming the news will spread. Maybe it's a man thing. My brothers will tell me incidental stuff but will not bother with big stuff assuming the jungle drums will tell me. Wish him and gf all the best and put it behind you.

I never directly told my siblings - you tell my mum anything and she's passed the news on to everyone with whom you share any genetic code plus all her friends and the postman with embellishment and speculation and her own spin within approximately 47 seconds (her equivalent of posting on Facebook, which she doesn't do) so the idea of needing to break any news to any family members except for my mother personally is alien.

I think it works similarly in many families...

Ok thanks for your replies. We are very different and he is a pretty closed kind of guy anyway. I will congratulate and stop being so sensitive.

I told my mum then she told every single relative possible! Pre Facebook. He probably assumes your mum told him. I'm surprised you haven't mentioned it or wished him and his partner congratulations 🤷‍♀️

He assumes your mother has told you, as in fact, she has. Just congratulate him and don't worry about it.

Lots of people are nervous about pregnancy so maybe he was just following the wishes of his gf if you generally have a close/good relationship don’t let it get in the way. This is happy news don’t let negative emotions cloud that.

It’s annoying he hasn’t told you himself, but not worth causing an argument over. Just congratulate him and enjoy the good news!

I have a friend who was too embarrassed to tell anyone. One of our friends suddenly noticed and asked her if she was pregnant when we were all out at a meal and then she told us she was ......7 months pregnant. She is quite shy and private.

OP, I think your DB will be expecting your DM to tell everybody. I can understand why you are disappointed though. I couldn't imagine my siblings doing anything but tell me directly - except my sister and brother did not do that at all. They told our parents and they told the rest of us.

We didn't tell anyone until I was 16wks.

Told parents & left it to them to tell others.

I've had similar happen. Although in my case, it was understandable, as I had been through a failed cycle of IVF and had been told that another IVF cycle would have only a 1-5% chance of leading to me having a healthy baby. So I did understand.

I remember that when my DSis announces her first pregnancy, my DM and I were away on a women's weekend with friends from my church. My DSis called my DM and it was obvious that they didn't want me to know what they were talking about. So I was hardly surprised when they told me their news.

I was annoyed about this, though I knew that they genuinely didn't want to upset me. But I was hurt that they really thought I wouldn't be delighted at my DSis's news. Besides, I was unimpressed with my DM's very furtive behaviour. She definitely doesn't do subtlety.

YANBU to be hurt that your DB didn't tell you himself, but you would be unreasonable to hold it against him. It's happy news after all.

Yes don't worry about this at all. it is,as it is.There are no rules for this kind of situation.

I was in your position for my brother and sisters pregnancy news. I most certainly was not put out. This news sharp spreads, anyhow it's their excitement to deal with the way they want, let them enjoy it their way. YABU.