AIBU to go through CMS?

[3kidssinglemum]

Separated early this year and had a private arrangement set up between us for him to pay CM to me for our 3DCs. He then lost his job and refused to pay out of his final paycheck, even though he's living with his parents and has virtually no bills, whereas I have to watch every penny to get by. He has since got a new job and kept ignoring my texts asking when he would be able to start paying again so I contacted CMS. He has thrown a massive tantrum over it, demanding that I cancel CMS and we can come to an arrangement again, but he's only willing to come to an arrangement after I've cancelled and not before. I did warn him that I was going to do it if he still refused to pay, so he wasn't blindsided by it, but he's still acting like I've crossed a line.
WIBU to contact CMS?

If he won't pay then no you did the right thing.
He can't just pick and choose when he pays.

Stick to CMS. He sounds like he could be flaky with payments in future.

You did not do the wrong thing.

If you cancel you can’t backdate.

I absolutely would not cancel regardless . If he misses a payment he will build up a debt ,

He doesn’t like been able to do what he wants

Yeah stick to CMS, I wish I’d done it sooner as now there’s no way to get any of the arrears from when we had an informal arrangement. You warned him, it’s his own fault.

Nope.. You don't get to stop and start supporting your children so neither should he.

stay with cms, let him throw his toys out and stamp his feet, it's tough.

uwbvvvu to cancel it, it's money for your dc, think of them first, it's about them.

Nope, you've tried the "come to an arrangement" route and he didn't stick to it. So let him keep tantruming if he wante, just set up the CMS.

Men who don't want the RP to go through CMS, generally either want to skip payments when it suits, or hold the RP to ransom.

Keep going through with the CMS. You still have the option to have it paid directly to you instead of them taking it from his wages but with the added protection of if he stops paying they can then start taking it from his instead of having to re-set up the claim.

Yanbu at all and he’s been a arse.

The tantrum thing is normal my exh has been kicking off for two months because he decided to half the child maintenance payment without telling me or explaining why for our private arrangement. Turns out he’s been under paying me for years and I’m now entitled to more. I’ve heard it all including “I’ll have to live on beans on toast” too “I can only afford to use my brand new 4x4 for work now” and the gem “your obsessed with me, why won’t you let me move on”
My answer is always “talk to the cms”

Stand your ground and let the cms deal with him

Am I right in thinking that even if he refuses to cooperate with them, they'll just start the process anyway and I'll still get the money for my kids? Literally the only thing he could do to stop it would be quit his job out of spite and leave himself with no money?
He's still badgering me to cancel it, this is literally the longest conversation we've had since before we split up- and we once had a shared day out with the kids together and I gave him a lift.

They will start the process regardless so just ignore his bleating. I'm about to do the same with the father of my 13 year old who thinks he can do as he pleases and underpay first his son because ' you don't need the money.' He leaves jobs as he feels like because he has finding elsewhere (not an income as such though so he's safe) and I've had enough now.

He HATES the idea of cms ... they all do! Stand firm and don't discuss it with him

They will contact him.

He will be offered direct payment which costs him nothing . If he doesn’t then payment goes through them which will cost more .

Even if he leaves his job . Unless he claims nothing he will still be required to pay £7 a week which is £7 more than you are getting now.

I would tell him you will be not having any further discussions on the subject please direct your questions to cms.