Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think the chair of the PTA is on a power trip?

35 replies

User3billion · 15/11/2019 12:03

Newly appointed chair of PTA & I think she's lost the memo about what her role entails & indeed the whole purpose of a PTA.

She sent a letter using a frankly ridiculous font saying how amazing the PTA are, how they value parental involvement listed all the current members job titles and so on, fair enough.

Then at the most recent meeting she (allegedly) told the members that whatever was said "at the table" remained there & that nothing discussed within the meeting was anything to do with anyone beyond the committee. She went on to say that anyone found discussing anything with any other parents would be asked to stand down from the committee.

Aibu to think she's batshit & the whole point of the PTA is to engage parents beyond the committee to increase fundraising opportunities. And that the only things being discussed around the table should be fundraising & therefore nothing confidential?!

OP posts:
Foxglovesandprimroses · 15/11/2019 12:07

She'd be better off joining the governing body.

NanooCov · 15/11/2019 12:10

This is not the first time I've heard of this approach from a PTA - AGM very open and then the committees very secret squirrel, like they were discussing state secrets or something. Over inflated sense of self importance I think.

DobbyLovesSocks · 15/11/2019 12:15

Our PTA is very open. Our committee is of the opinion that every parent in the school is a member of the PTA - it's just up to each person how active they want to be. Every meeting we hold is advertised on our school newsletter and held in a variety of locations and times (school, local costa, after school, evening etc) to make it accessible for as many people as possible. If people cannot make the meetings they are welcome to make suggestions or offer help in other ways.
Anyone who makes the PTA all about them or insists on keeping things secret either shouldn't be on the PTA or should apply to be a governor - those meetings are generally kept private but minutes should be available on request

Original poster
User3billion · 15/11/2019 12:16

She'd be better off joining the governing body.

In her opinion probably... Although I couldn't think of anything worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
User3billion · 15/11/2019 12:20

@DobbyLovesSocks this is my view - surely a PTA consists of all staff & parents (especially given the number of staff that support events despite either not wanting to or being unable to attend meetings) & the committee are the organisers.

Her approach has just made me feel like I don't want to support them. If we're not good enough to know what's going on then my money is not good enough for you either. I'd rather give directly to the school.

OP posts:
AryaStarkWolf · 15/11/2019 12:31

She needs to join Fight Club I think

Elementalillusions · 15/11/2019 12:35

When I was on the pta we had a chair a bit like this..... she didn’t last very long.

Howyiz · 15/11/2019 12:35

Honestly, why do you care? Maybe she was operating Chatham house rules rather than complete secrecy. How would you know the exact content if you weren't there. Never trust gossip to inform your narrative!

lyralalala · 15/11/2019 12:41

You say she 'allegedly' said that - if you didn't hear it then don't take it as gospel

I was accused of saying at PTA meetings that they shouldn't be discussed outwith the meetings and got a right lambasting by a woman accusing me of hiding things. What I actually said was "There's been a few misunderstandings recently because people have been discussing that we (as the PTA) decided not to fund X, please can folks be clear that is because we were asked to fund Y instead so folks know we're not planning on siphoning the money off for our own uses"

Vulpine · 15/11/2019 13:12

Just tell her how you feel but in a non confrontational way

Mummyshark2018 · 15/11/2019 13:20

Op are you on the PTA as you say allegedly? If not I'd recommend you join then if you want to change things. Im not saying you're wrong and yes things should be generally transparent but what are we talking about here- not releasing the details of the Christmas Disco?

I'm on the PTA and is an utterly thankless role (other than the thanks that we give each other and from some teachers). You spend lots of time going to meetings, organising events, staying after school to 'work' at cafes, bake sales, bbq's etc and the same 10 parents are running themselves ragged whilst the rest of the parents get to enjoy another event with their children whilst mine stands next to me for most of the time and I don't get to enjoy the events. I do it because the school is in a challenging area and we are trying to build up community spirit. I have stepped back a little though as I was getting a bit down hearted.

VisibleShantiLine · 15/11/2019 13:22

Haha. I've experienced this before, though not in the PTA. There was a looooot of impassioned discussion and debate about really very minor things. Yet not much actual action. The meetings went on for literally hours. Hours for something that could have been done and dusted in 45min. Drove me batty.

I remember raising my hand once to second a motion (!) and was abruptly told I had "no power" to do so as I wasn't an "executive member".

I quit soon after that.

Agree with a PP it's likely down to over inflated sense of self importance. And a lack of hobbies.

Original poster
User3billion · 15/11/2019 13:22

She needs to join Fight Club I think 🤣🤣🤣

Howyiz - I care because they're happy to take my cash/my time therefore I think they need to be transparent and accountable. As I said previously, there's nothing, or should be nothing, within the PTA that requires the need for confidentiality.

Lyralalala I'm cautious of hearsay/gossip but this came from a fairly reliable source who's not known for idle gossip. There are PTA committee members from whom comments would be met with the "smile & nod".

Vulpine she's not a "non confrontational" kind of person.

OP posts:
MulticolourMophead · 15/11/2019 13:28

I'm a chair of a PTA,

While we might decide to keep something confidential, most of our stuff is open (it's rare, last thing we kept quiet was about an event we were planning, simply because the company were being flaky and we didn't want to get hopes up until we had properly firmed it up.)

Keeping PTA stuff secret is a No from me.

Original poster
User3billion · 15/11/2019 13:28

@Mummyshark2018 no, not on the PTA currently. When my eldest started the school I asked several times about reforming the PTA & was told it was "in the process". I asked to be involved, volunteered to get it up & running but was told it was "being sorted" and by the time it was my eldest was in their final year & I'd moved on to other volunteering opportunities.

I volunteer with a local sports club as a coach & junior committee member. I'm also the secretary for the junior league. Unless it relates to disciplinary proceedings/child protection then none of what we discuss in our meetings is confidential. And as far as any fundraising is concerned it's the more the merrier.

OP posts:
Paddington68 · 15/11/2019 13:30

She wouldn't be the first, she won't be the last.

minisoksmakehardwork · 15/11/2019 13:32

It isn't as uncommon as you think. The aim is to prevent idle gossip causing harm. Our committee has a clause to 'agree to disagree' as some people feel quite passionate about certain issues and it has caused conflict in the playground when one or two try to drum up support for their opinion.

We've also been asked to be mindful of our discussions after one parent/staff member/Ptfa member got very loud and coarse about a situation while in the playground. At the time, everyone standing with this person was a member of the Ptfa and it was said it could be construed that 'the Ptfa' were siding with them rather than remaining outwardly neutral on the matter.

Paddington68 · 15/11/2019 13:33

One school that I know do a 'PFTA witness protection'
Parents/carer can pay a specific sum and in return the PTFA are not allowed to contact them.
it is HUGELY popular.

crosspelican · 15/11/2019 13:37

Parents/carer can pay a specific sum and in return the PTFA are not allowed to contact them.
it is HUGELY popular.

As a PTA chair that sounds brilliant! Except I'd set it at about £250 per family.... maybe we'd hit some of our urgent fundraising goals for the year!

blackteasplease · 15/11/2019 14:01

I’d leave her to it!

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 15/11/2019 14:06

. She'd be better off joining the governing body

Fuck no! We get enough officious busybodies thinking they know more than actual,people with jobs and/or lives outside the school gates as it is!

Though to be fair i do wish one of our parent governors would stop posting things that, whilst not highly confidential, do need sensitive handling on her personal Facebook page....

PineappleDanish · 15/11/2019 14:10

Yes the PTA should be open to all parents. In fact, our constitution says that all parents and teachers at the school are automatically and by default members of the PTA and free to attend meetings at any time.

However, anyone who has ever been on the PTA knows what a ballache it can be. There is an endless supply of parents more than happy to criticise and tell you that you're doing it all wrong but never step up to actually do anything. Maybe this Chair has got sick of the snippy comments and critics and decided to keep things a bit more quiet.

MulticolourMophead · 15/11/2019 14:20

Maybe she is tired of it PineappleDanish, but a better way to do stuff is by discussing the issues, and why she wants everything confidential.

Not by issuing diktats.

jamesforagirl · 15/11/2019 14:20

Our PTA chair, posted on the school page, that at pick up, we needed to stand back and look at all the wonderful things the PTA had purchased and give the PTA team a pat on the back and/or a round of applause?! ummmm.... what? You mean the things the PTA bought with the money the parents paid for overpriced plastic tat and whatever else we felt obliged to buy? Ok then!

caranconnor · 15/11/2019 14:22

You weren't there. Maybe confidential stuff has been shared by a PTA member? Maybe a PTA member has shared a disagreement between PTA members in a meeting to shit stir. Stay out of it OP. If she really is on a power trip she won't last long. But you may not have heard the full story.

Swipe left for the next trending thread