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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be ridiculously sad over a ring?

22 replies

NewYoiker · 15/11/2019 01:37

Now I will caveat this with I'm feeling ridiculously emotional anyway and this appears to have tipped me over the edge..

I'm clearing out my mums house and came across her jewellery box. All full of tatty jewellery that she loved.. whatever.. it was her choice.

What I didn't expect to NOT be there was my Dad's mum's engagement ring and eternity ring worth a lot of money but worth more in sentimental value as my dad passed away when I was 12 and that was my only physical link to his parents and my grandparents.

I found the paperwork: they were sold in 2010 for £600 and probably went to pay off some debt which pisses me off more than it should as I have had to sort out her mountain of debt anyway so it didn't even last that long!

Aibu to be angry and sad it's totally gone and cannot be got back?

I know it's just a ring but it feels like more..

OP posts:

Seren85 · 15/11/2019 01:41

No, I don't think that you are. Obviously your Mum had them and it was her choice but it is sad when cherished items aren't passed down. My Nana was buried with hers, I'm told I'll get my Grans as the eldest granddaughter and my GMils were collected by my MIL and her sis for keeping because generally that's what you do. I'd be very sad too.

Trumpton · 15/11/2019 01:43

That hurts so much and probably sold for a fraction of what they were worth .
You are nbu at all , I would feel the same way.

Bluerussian · 15/11/2019 01:43

I'm so sorry but the money was probably more useful to your mother at the time than the rings. I am not particularly sentimental about my bits and pieces of jewellery but was heartbroken when my engagement ring was stolen so I sort of understand how you feel. It will pass, I promise.

Seren85 · 15/11/2019 01:47

I'm also probably extra sensitive about this having lost the stone from my own engagement ring. Didn't realise the sentimentality until then.

Original poster

NewYoiker · 15/11/2019 01:48

Think I just to forgive her. It's hard though! Maybe I could get one that I will choose but it will be in memory of her? I'm already planning on getting her engagement ring, her and my dads wedding rings made into a ring so they'll be together again. Sounds stupid but it's something she always talked of doing but couldn't bear to melt down my dads ring which is fair enough.

Maybe I'll see if I can buy a couple of loose diamonds and add them to the design if that's even possible.

I'm glad I'm not being truly unreasonable. My dad died when I was 12 so 16 years ago, I was in uni at the time she sold it and I feel so sad she didn't tell me

OP posts:

DramaAlpaca · 15/11/2019 01:57

I'd be hurt & upset by that, too. I'm a sentimental old thing & that sort of thing matters to me. I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

CTRL · 15/11/2019 02:07

It’s sad and I would be abit upset about it too but I’m sure it was just as hard for your mum to sell it, so I’m assuming she must have been in a really difficault position and had no choice.

Sorry op x

notangelinajolie · 15/11/2019 02:11

No because the jewellery and it's sentiments weren't yours. Me and my DH sold my engagement ring when we needed money. I don't regret it because we had to feed our children. It's just stuff - what you should be holding close are your memories which you can hold in your heart. I am sorry for your loss

Original poster

NewYoiker · 15/11/2019 02:13

@notangelinajolie thank you. That's a good perspective to have. I appreciate that. Thank you

OP posts:

itwaseverthus · 15/11/2019 02:23

Your mum sold that ring, probably to give you a great christmas or something you needed. See it as a living display of love. A ring is an inert thing, it's not people or memories. The memories are what count, they cannot be touched. Money is just a means to an end.

itwaseverthus · 15/11/2019 02:26

And I truly am sorry for your loss, it's young to have lost both parents. Are you ok? It must be so hard. I am almost double your age and i haven't experienced such loss. Who is there for you?

Original poster

NewYoiker · 15/11/2019 02:27

@itwaseverthus I'm getting there. I've put off doing this January. I've got DH who is so so good and a really bloody good psychotherapist!

OP posts:

FridalovesDiego · 15/11/2019 02:30

I don’t get this. I do get that you are feeling particularly fragile, but they were not your rings. If she needed the money, so what if they were sold? As a pp said, it’s just stuff.

Lostkeysinaraindrainurghh · 15/11/2019 03:29

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notangelinajolie · 15/11/2019 03:51

Also adding that I recently had to do the same and I discovered the things that I cried over and meant more to me were the valueless things. Birthday cards & photographs, a cabinet full of little nik naks and little gifts I'd bought my mum over the years. She'd kept them all. In her wardrobe was my late dad's jumper, belt and radio and even more heartbreaking was her mum's (my grandma's) pink eiderdown.

I've kept them and of course her jewellery box but I hold I no sentimental feelings for that. I will keep it and it's contents for my daughter's. Don't be sad about the rings, I'm sure they were sold for good reason.

Be strong, don't do it alone and don't forget to laugh alongside with the tears.

Lostkeysinaraindrainurghh · 15/11/2019 04:33

This reply has been deleted

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Jammydodger1981 · 15/11/2019 06:53

@Lostkeysinaraindrainurghh don’t be so nasty, absolutely no need for that.

Ignore them OP, they’ve been going around threads posting nasty comments for some reason.

Bourbonbiccy · 15/11/2019 07:18

I can understand you being really upset, but I think your mum had to do it to keep herself afloat and sometimes people have to do things they don't want. As you say try and forgive her and make a nice on in their memory.

I can understand the upset, my uncle is refusing me my nans wedding ring since she passed, it's a sentimental thing for me and very upsetting. I hope you can try and move on and sorry for your loss.

EvaHarknessRose · 15/11/2019 08:07

It's ok to be ridiculously sad over your past loss of your dad, the recent loss of your mum and now the loss of the ring. That's a lot to process. Please do something really nice for yourself today

Thestrangestthing · 15/11/2019 08:15

Yes I think yabu to be so annoyed at the woman who brought you up, for selling something that didn't belong to you, probably because she needed the money.
You are thinking about having the rings melted down, that to me is basically the same as its not the same piece of jewellery anymore.

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 15/11/2019 08:22

Yanbu. I'm very much in the "it's just stuff" camp usually but some things we just get an attachment to.

My nana used to show me her wedding ring every single time I visited and said that's yours that when I go. When she did die my aunt (who was from a previous marriage) took all her jewellry saying children had no use for it. My grandad who gave nana the ring was bot her dad, she didnt even like him. It was cruel and greedy and I still cannot forgive her for it. It was not the value of the ring, I was 10 i didnt care for such things, it's the fact my nana always told me it was mine. Its just stuff but it meant a lot to me so I get it OP.

Sorry for your loss

Geppili · 15/11/2019 17:12

Some mother's might have given you those rings on your 18th or 21st.

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