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AIBU about dog care after separation?

11 replies

suggestionsplease1 · 14/11/2019 23:01

Ex and I split at the beginning of the year (her decision - OW) and I stayed in the house with de facto main caring responsibilities for our shared dog - bought together 4 years ago.

She continued seeing him on the days I was working full time, and seemed keen about this - it was one of the things that she checked upon splitting up, that she would still get to see the dog. I also asked her to take care of him when I've been holiday, which she has. When we've both been away separately I've arranged kennels.

Now that the house sale has been sorted out (I bought her out) she has decided that she doesn't want to see him anymore - that it is a ongoing tie that doesn't benefit us. Which I get, but I want best care for my dog, and she is able to do that far better than someone he doesn't know - he is a difficult dog unfortunately, reactive and I worry about him with others, but she knows how he is obviously and how to manage him.

We have a dog walker that can see him on Mondays and Tuesdays, which I will pay for now, and I am around Weds and Thursdays, but Fridays are still an issue and holidays are still an issue, and I am miffed that she won't step up and take responsibility on these occasions because that is in his best interests - best for his welfare and quality of life.

AIBU to have this expectation that she continues to try to look after him on occasions that I can't? Given that he is a joint responsibility , we both committed to getting him, and he has some behavioural issues that mean he is best with someone who knows him well. (And yes, we have worked hard and continue to work hard on his behaviour, with trainers, classes and books, - he has guarding tendencies and can also be unpredicatbly reactive at times)

OP posts:

Pipandmum · 14/11/2019 23:06

I wouldn't want an ex part of my life to look after a dog and consequently have access to my house. You have 'custody', so he's your responsibility.


Wolfiefan · 14/11/2019 23:07

Can the dog walker help with holidays etc?


suggestionsplease1 · 14/11/2019 23:13

Dog walker can't help, I checked - she has dogs of her own and knows what he's like - he's fine on a joint walk with all dogs together but he would likely be more of a liability in her home because of the guarding issues.

OP posts:

WannabeCleaner15 · 14/11/2019 23:15

I had a similar situation with my ex and our dog. Unfortunately I had to tell him that he wasn’t going to have ongoing contact as it wasn’t a good breakup and I was never going to move on with him always being around in the background. There was a long story too about him using the dog as a control over me (wanting to find out my new address, meet my new partner at pickups, go months without bothering and then expecting me to drop everything to facilitate him having contract with the dog).

In your situation it sucks that you’re left to pick up her responsibilities, but it’s unrealistic to believe this arrangement could have continued for the rest of the dogs life. If she’s decided not to have contact there really isn’t anything you can do to change that.


suggestionsplease1 · 14/11/2019 23:16

I'm not thrilled about her being in the house, but of the options, and out of what is best for the dog, it seems least worst.

OP posts:

Wolfiefan · 14/11/2019 23:16

She’s moved out. She’s moved on. You’ve kept the dog. I would say it’s up to you. Speak to behaviourist or vet for recommendations?


Popc0rn · 14/11/2019 23:17

If she cheated on you with someone else, do you really want her still around?!

Life is so much better without any trace of lying exes, trust me.


suggestionsplease1 · 14/11/2019 23:23

I guess I want what's best for the dog. And I want to not be stressed worrying when I'm away, which I will do if he's with someone else. Yes, have worked with behaviourists - ongoing management.

OP posts:

Winterdaysarehere · 14/11/2019 23:26

I know a woman who shared her ddog for ten years with her ex. Week on week off. Bonkers imo . He had cheated yet she stayed tied to him via ddog. No dc!


Wolfiefan · 14/11/2019 23:26

I meant recommendations for care not training!!


suggestionsplease1 · 14/11/2019 23:35

ahh, ok wolfiefan, yes, could try that.

OP posts:
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