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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about alcoholic mum

27 replies

venusmay · 14/11/2019 21:09

One of the school mums has confided in me that she has been attending AA meetings for alcoholism, her husband has been very worried about her drinking and she has been in some bad situations because of her drinking.

The other school mums have noticed her mood is either very up or down but I haven’t commented and wouldn’t break a trust. The problem is that the school mum with a drinking problem has organised a night out for us all, a meal and maybe bars afterwards with a lot of the other mums.

I was stood with everyone and she said she couldn’t wait for the night out because she wanted to get really drunk and let her hair down.Im now worried because I know she’s got a problem with drink,AIBU to say something to her?

She has been really off with me since she told me she was an alcoholic and makes horrible comments about my appearance sometimes.

OP posts:
caravanette · 15/11/2019 01:33

Personally no but I wouldn't go to the night out

HouseworkAvoider10 · 15/11/2019 03:48

No. I wouldn't go.
Especially when she is treats you so badly.
Tell her to fuck off, next time she negs you.

Lifeisabeach09 · 15/11/2019 03:55

Agree with PPs. Don't go on night out.

SnowsInWater · 15/11/2019 04:01

I agree with the others, don't go on the night out - it's a disaster waiting to happen. The fact that she has been off with you since sharing such a confidence is pretty much par for the course unfortunately, she probably regrets it and thinks that you will be judging her. Someone is going to end up babysitting her for the night if she does get drunk and she won't thank you for it if it ends up being you.

Lostkeysinaraindrainurghh · 15/11/2019 04:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PumpkinPie2016 · 15/11/2019 05:53

I wouldn't say anything but I wouldn't go on the night out. It sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

PumpkinPie2016 · 15/11/2019 05:55

Lostkey the other mum has already told the OP she is an alcoholic Hmm

Etinox · 15/11/2019 06:04

@Lostkeysinaraindrainurghh
You ok? That’s the second thread I’ve noticed you being nasty in this morning?

Procrastination4 · 15/11/2019 06:06

Lostkey When the other mother told the OP, she effectively “made it her business”, whether she intended to or not. What responsible person would attend a night out and not feel an onus on them to do something about a situation where the mum gets so drunk she’s going to get herself into another one of those “bad” situations?

venusmay do as PPs have suggested, and don’t go. Then you won’t spend the night on edge, worrying about what may happen to a person who is now apparently sorry she confided in you and is treating you badly as a result. You owe her nothing.

Procrastination4 · 15/11/2019 06:10

PS-don’t say anything to her. Also, your reason for not going is because you’re unable to-whatever excuse you want.

YouJustDoYou · 15/11/2019 06:16

Don't go on that night out. It'll be a train wreck.

Ginfordinner · 15/11/2019 06:28

Why are you so angry Lostkeys?

user1493413286 · 15/11/2019 06:35

I don’t think there’s anything you can do or say but I wouldn’t go on the night out.

Bluntness100 · 15/11/2019 06:38

I can't understand why people would body swerve the night out. Why miss out.

Op this problem is the woman's. Don't make it yours. Stick with the other mums and have fun.

churchandstate · 15/11/2019 06:54

She’s confided in you that she has a drinking problem, which she is trying to manage. That’s her business and all you can or should do is decide for yourself whether you want to go on the night out.

Bourbonbiccy · 15/11/2019 07:02

I would probably miss the night out, as I wouldn't be able to enjoy myself knowing she has a problem and watching her on self destruct.

I probably would tell her, one to one, if she mentioned it to me that I thought it a bad idea if she is enrolled in AA and was going out to get really drunk. It would obviously end badly with being told to F off but I feel I would have at least said what I felt.

Pinkypurple35 · 15/11/2019 07:07

Yes make an excuse and either miss the do, or leave early before it gets too messy. It will be a car crash.

churchandstate · 15/11/2019 07:16

Rather than telling her what you think she should or shouldn’t be doing, it would be a much better idea to ask her how she is, if there is anything you can do to support her and then let her know - gently - that you can’t make the night out. She wouldn’t be going to AA unless she was already hyper aware that she has a problem. She doesn’t need you telling her anything.

sarahjconnor · 15/11/2019 07:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Obligatorync · 15/11/2019 07:38

Don't say anything, don't go. She regrets telling you and is being unpleasant anyway. Stay out of all of it.

formerbabe · 15/11/2019 07:50

Honestly, don't do anything. There's nothing you can do. She's an adult.

Frownette · 15/11/2019 08:06

OP don't get drawn into it, it will zap your energy. Try to mentally take a step back and let her muddle through

FilledSoda · 15/11/2019 09:35

I wouldn't socialise with someone who made unpleasant remarks about my appearance. So the decision would be cut and dried for me .

Woollycardi · 15/11/2019 09:54

I wouldn't go and I wouldn't raise anything she has previously told her with you. She needs to work through her own crap. You're only human for feeling so conflicted about this. If she's saying unpleasant things to you I would stop listening to her.

Woollycardi · 15/11/2019 09:55

Sorry 'previously told you with her'.