I could really do with come advice about how I should be a friend to one of my oldest friends who I think is struggling. It's long but I’ll try and chunk it up to make it readable:
Context:
We have been friends since we were 10, and we’re now 28 so I know her very well. We now live at opposite ends of the country and probably only meet once or twice a year, she’s almost like family that’s growing a bit distant, but there’s still a lot of love there.
Background:
She has always been a bit mixed up. As a child and young adult quite attention seeking, created big dramas out of things and did used to tell lies occasionally (not to friends, but to adults) it was like she lived in her own version of reality. She’s always been very self-absorbed, some would say selfish, but she is really incredibly kind-hearted and generous, she just struggles sometimes to see situations from other people’s point of view if she disagrees with them. She has always had low self-esteem in my opinion.
Current problem:
She’s having what I think is a mental health crisis. Because I hardly ever see her, I’m learning about it through her Facebook page and things that other people have told me. She’s started this new business, it’s not multi level marketing, it’s something she’s thought of herself, but she’s chucking money into it with blind faith that it’s going to pay off, and boasting about how great her life is on social media in a way that really reminds me of MLM. She is convinced she’ll soon be a millionaire, in spite of evidence that it’s not really working out and she’s getting herself into quite serious levels of debt convinced it’s all about to ‘get big’ for her. She’s fallen out with her mum and her three sisters, all of whom have tried to talk sense to her, but she has cut them off as ‘toxic unsupportive people’ (they ARE unsupportive of what she’s doing, but only because they’re worried about her – and a bit exasperated too). She’s also fallen out with her siblings-in-law, and her very good neighbours who often baby-sat her children. Her support network seems to be shrinking by the day. I’m not sure what her husband thinks about all this, can only assume he’s supportive of what she’s doing. I'm not that close with him.
Her narrative on social media is essentially: “my family are toxic / holding me back and I’m better off without them, my unsupportive friends have shown their ‘true colours’, big exciting things are on the horizon for me and my life has never been better”.
I worry she's in denial and there's a massive crash coming later down the road.
Question:
What, if anything, should I do? If I go along with her narrative and be ‘supportive’ I worry I am enabling her towards catastrophe. If I try to gently challenge her though or suggest I don't believe her life is wonderful I’ll be cut off as ‘unsupportive’. Unfortunately because we live so far apart we don’t really have the close heart-to-heart talks we used to. A bit of a barrier seems to have sprung up between us because I recently got a job in an area she once tried and failed to get into herself, so maybe she feels she has to maintain the ‘I am doing my dream job living my best life’ line with me. I feel so stuck. The only thing I can think of is to just be there to help pick up the pieces eventually, but she is the sort of person who will NEVER ask for help or advice (especially from me, at the moment, because of the job thing). She is extremely proud and if it goes south I think she might just drift away and maybe going into a downward spiral with her mental health without ever reaching out. Or, maybe I should just trust that she knows what she's doing, as with any adult??
What, if anything, do you think a good friend in my position should do?
TIA x