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AIBU?

Am I (taking kids to school/nursery)

27 replies

anothernamejeeves · 14/11/2019 18:05

So due to my DH's job and early starts I naturally take the kids and most evenings unless I am late with work (very rare) I collect. DH sometimes cannot work if extreme weather (like today).
We have argued this evening as I never have any help in the morning as he starts early (I understand that). What upsets me is when he has a day off he thinks he should get a lie in and never offers to get up and take the kids. He also does not offer to collect them. His argument is well I'm already having to go out so why should he

OP posts:
Craftylittlething · 14/11/2019 18:08

Is your DH the parent of these children? I think it’s really sad that he doesn’t want to take/ collect them from time to time.

WorraLiberty · 14/11/2019 18:08

I think he should collect them definitely.

But there's not point in not having a lie-in if you're going out to work anyway.

TheHootiestOwl · 14/11/2019 18:09

DH did all nursery drop offs and pick ups as it was on his way to work. He never expected me to do it on my days off. I did get up and help in the morning though, I didn’t lie in. I did pick them up sometimes if he was late.

MustardScreams · 14/11/2019 18:10

Er no he can nap when the kids are at school and then pick them up like any normal parent.

This would piss me off royally. YANBU.

PrincessSarene · 14/11/2019 18:12

When do you get your lie ins?

anothernamejeeves · 14/11/2019 18:13

DH did all nursery drop offs and pick ups as it was on his way to work. He never expected me to do it on my days off. I did get up and help in the morning though, I didn’t lie in. I did pick them up sometimes if he was late.

Understandable to an extent but I am the only one picking up and collecting

OP posts:
ChilledBee · 14/11/2019 18:13

You've made your own bed by encouraging him to have a job that stops him being an involved dad.

What time does he leave and what time do the kids get up? He could do some housework in the morning or some school prep.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 14/11/2019 18:14

How early does your DH get up and start work? Is his job demanding? - if he gets up long before you then yes I can understand him wanting a lie in

(But I'm sure the children would like him to take them/collect them on the odd occasion)

MustardScreams · 14/11/2019 18:14

Where has op stated she encouraged her husband to have this job? Why is it always the woman’s fault somehow?

NamechangeWhatFor · 14/11/2019 18:14

My husband begs to do drop offs/pick ups if he can. But this is nursery, the novelty will probably wear off by school.

LightsInOtherPeoplesHouses · 14/11/2019 18:14

I feel your pain. Whoever is taking DS to school it's always me getting him up and ready and it does add that extra bit of difficulty and I do find it frustrating sometimes. However DH has health issues that make mornings difficult for him so we have to work around that. Your DH could help out but chooses not to, that would annoy me, especially if there's other areas where he doesn't pull his weight.

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 14/11/2019 18:16

encouraging him to have a job that stops him being an involved dad.

What a crock of 💩

You mean the job that pays the bills and enables OP to be a stay at home parent???

ChilledBee · 14/11/2019 18:17

She's encouraged him because at no point during the TTC period or pregnancy has she said to him that obviously his hours will have to change to reflect the commitment he is making to become a father. She's accepted that he works and she works and sorts the kids too.

MustardScreams · 14/11/2019 18:17

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted op clearly says in her op she works Hmm

ChilledBee · 14/11/2019 18:17

@itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted

From the OP:

unless I am late with work

itwasalovelydreamwhileitlasted · 14/11/2019 18:18

@ChilledBee
Seriously??? How many employers do YOU know that just allow people to change their hours because children have come along.....

MustardScreams · 14/11/2019 18:18

@ChilledBee wtf! Why does op have to say any of this?! Does anyone have to say to a mother “oh you know you’re having a baby, might need to make some adjustments in your life”? No they do not.

He is an ADULT. Op is not his frigging mother.

anothernamejeeves · 14/11/2019 18:20

lol he has done this job a good ten years before we met

OP posts:
anothernamejeeves · 14/11/2019 18:21

I'm not a stay at home parent...I work 30 hours a week

OP posts:
ChilledBee · 14/11/2019 18:22

Anyone who has worked for 26 weeks can request flexible hours to accommodate parenting duties. There are also rules specific to under 5s and disabled dependents.

You can also leave your job and find a position where the job or the company is more family friendly. Men can have their career options limited by parenthood in the same way women always have. They just choose not to and stupidly. women support them in that.

anothernamejeeves · 14/11/2019 18:22

Also I'm not talking about him helping on his work days but when he's off due to circumstances

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 14/11/2019 18:22

Dh has 2 weeks off work in december and has offered to take ds to school and collect and take me to work and pick up.The school is 5 mins walk away and my work is 10 mins walk away,I could easily do the runs myself but he wants to because it's his family and if he can he will.I think your dh is U.

ChilledBee · 14/11/2019 18:23

@MustardScreams

The OP wouldn't need telling. The fact that women have to make adjustments to even begin to consider facilitating a career and parenthood becomes pretty clear to us early on.

Mylittlepony374 · 14/11/2019 18:24

It's a little sad that he doesn't want to get them. My husband works similarly but whenever he can get off early he collects the toddler. She loves it and he loves how excited she is to see him instead of me.

But I do understand him wanting a sleep in.

ChilledBee · 14/11/2019 18:25

Also I'm not talking about him helping on his work days but when he's off due to circumstances

That's the mistake you're making. He isn't "helping", he is parenting or cleaning his home. You "help" on your work days so why the hell shouldn't he?

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