To not give their kids anything for Christmas this year?

[SunshineAngel]

I have a friend through a hobby that we both do, and I used to be quite close to his wife. We'd go out together, shopping or for food, or to the cinema, and I'd take her and the kids for days out too in the holidays.

The thing is, since she's learned to drive, I've been dropped like a hot potato, and I now realise that I was just being used.

I realise now that she never made any plans with me, unless it fit with something she needed to do. Like if she needed to buy a birthday present she would suggest a shopping trip. So now she can drive herself, I don't get invited to anything.

I'd got in the habit of buying the whole family presents for birthdays and Christmases, and them me (though I could tell she'd just gone to B&M for mine and picked up things with no thought to whether I'd like them. I'm not ungrateful, just trying to show how much this friendship doesn't matter to her).

Over the past year, I've seen her once, and I'm even seeing her husband a lot less as he doesn't attend our hobby quite as much due to working.

I bought them all birthday presents and easter eggs this year, but I got nothing in return.

I know that you don't give to receive, but I also don't want to carry on giving when I never see them, and when it's costing me money.

I was going to text the husband and asked what the kids wanted for Christmas this year, but then I thought hang on, why should I? What happened wasn't their fault, but I'm also not family, and people come and go in life don't they?

I just feel guilty for not getting them anything, but I'm not a part of their life anymore - entirely down to their mother learning to drive and no longer needing to pretend to be someone's friend just to get lifts everywhere.

It hurt me quite a lot.

But AIBU to stop buying them gifts? I will of course send the family a card.

I have tried to plan things, meals out with them and my family, but they're always "busy".

My posts always end up long I am so sorry anyone who actually read all that!

You’re definitely not being unreasonable. I’d let this friendship go.

No YANBU. Save your money.

That's terrible! Whatever you do, do not spend a penny on this horrible woman or her kids. And don't agonise over this any more - she certainly won't be.

Yanbu. I think it would be weird to carry on giving presents to be honest for someone you don't see, that doesn't want to see you, and that isn't going to get you anything

Definitely NBU, how horrible to do that to someone, pretend you like their company just to use them for lifts. That must make you feel a bit shit OP. What a horrible person she sounds like

Definitely don't get them presents this year.

I might get a half price selection box for each child with the idea that if you saw them you could give that, and if not you could eat it

Not a chance I'd buy them gifts - not even a cheap selection box. Surely it's unlikely you will even see them so cross them off your list and don't give it a second thought.

Don’t carry on giving them gifts. Save the money for your own children. As a pp said, she won’t be thinking about it so don’t you either.

OP, don't you know it is THE LAW that once you have met a child, you have to give it Christmas presents for ever? And if it grows up to have children, you have to give them Christmas presents too? Because those presents you failed to give them were the only presents they would have received from anyone, so all their Christmases were spoiled. By you. So hang your head in shame, you evil child disappointer.

Or, you know, just accept the friendship has run its course (or has failed to outlive your direct usefulness) and let it go. I'm sure they'll survive.

Definitely don't and move on with your life and forget her

Let this friendship go. She has already. Don't call or text or explain. Just go on your way and save your money.

Send a card from your family, to their family, as an acknowledgement, more for your own peace of mind that you've been "the bigger person" so to speak and not just cut her off.

I don't think that's being a mug, it's a pretty minimal thing cost and effort wise, but sends the message that you wish a Merry Christmas, and you acknowledge that gifts are no longer something that are exchanged from both parties, irrespective that she's instigated that.

Shes acted like a prick = she doesnt get your kindness anymore.

Don't give this any more thought - you shouldn't have done birthday presents and easter eggs this year in my opinion.

It will probably be a relief to the family if you don't, they may feel guilty that you are still doing this when they have made it clear they don't want a friendship with you.

Also, if you fancy it, just think how much nicer it would be to donate presents to a children's or family charity, instead of this ungrateful family!

Thanks everyone, I just wanted some reassurance. I only did them this year because all their birthdays are before the end of March so I hadn't really come to the conclusion that I wasn't wanted/needed anymore by that point. The one time I've seen her was before that so we were still sort of in touch when I did that.

It does hurt a lot because I actually saw her (and her husband) as my closest friends. We seemed to get on very well, and I didn't feel like I was being used at the time.

But never mind, I have plenty of other friends.

You sound like a lovely thoughtful person and a good friend.
Concentrate on those who aren’t cheeky fuckers this Christmas [santa]