To replace my 12 year olds smart phone with a very basic pay as you go?

[Somethingsosimple]

Ds is in year 8. Last year he had a fab year and was on top of everything. This year has got lazy and I’m constantly being told he has behaviour points for talking in class, forgetting homework etc. We have taken his xbox away but he is constantly on his phone and it’s driving me mad. Thinking about getting a very basic phone that he can’t do anything on except message and make phone calls on. Every night is a battle to get him off. Would this be unfair as it would effectively stop him being on WhatsApp etc? Anyone else managed to control usage better? I feel I’m loosing control already!

Maybe do it for 2 weeks to get him off using it constantly & reintroduce with strict boundaries that if he breaks he gets his brick back for another 2 weeks & repeat?!

Have you tried banning phones at night / during certain hours first? He could put a password lock on it if he wants but must leave it with you / downstairs. If he displays addict behaviours during this (ie gets violent / starts trying to sneak it back) then there’s a case for a permanent ban.

It might be very difficult now that he has one. In hind sight I dont think smart phones are a good idea for 12 year olds. It is a hand held computer. I passed a secondary school at closing yesterday and every other child was staring at a screen walking down the road. My grand daughters school says no phones but they all get them out at lunchtime. Peer pressure is a night mare

Apps like ‘moment’ work well (I think) to monitor screen & individual app usage. I’m sure there are others. Phones are so central to their lives now (sadly) that I’d be worried about being too harsh & him ending up funding another secret phone in the future which would he worse imo.

Good fucking luck. We have been having screen time battles about various devices with our 18 year old since he was 8 and it never ends. Secret phones, lying, rows. GCSE revision was actual hell. We banned him completely from his phone at one point for a short period (after a giant row about time limits) and we ended up at the GP while he told the doctor that he was clinically depressed because of a lack of phone - the GP suggests he negotiate with us over time limited which I happily agreed to be part of and he refused.

You will get people posting on here to tell you to let him self regulate. If that works for you, hurray and go for it. Our son has zero self regulation, and believe me, we’ve tried.

Why not though, seeing as this is a new thing, say that homework needs to be done before he has his phone in the evenings, as a start?

There are apps you can install on your child’s phone that control screen time/app usage. Ours uninstalled it almost immediately so we abandoned that.

It is actually very hard now to buy a basic non-smart phone!

No, you need to show him that actions have consequences. No empty threats either as it's just pointless. My son is same age and in the evening I give the ten minute warning then "right, it's time - hand it over" and if I need to warn after that, well I don't warn! I just remove it from his hands. Which rarely happens, as he has learned.
No phones in bedrooms either because I just can't be bothered to police that, they must be left downstairs.
If my son was like yours I would absolutely remove the smartphone as I think he'd see the error of his ways and do all he could to get his phone back.

Can't you convert his smartphone to a PAYG tariff, with no data?

If more parents did this there would be far fewer problems caused by on-line bullying, give your child the ability to bully or be bullied and don't be horrified at the results.

What kind of smart phone does he have? My 12 year old has an Samsung, as do I so we have Google Family link. I can set him limits of how long he's allowed on it, and set bedtimes (phone goes off at 9 and on at 7.30). I can also lock it at any time from my phone, so if I see him constantly on it, he gets a couple of warnings, then it's locked. Other rules are that he's not allowed it in his room, he can only use it after homework is done in the evening and after he is ready for school in the morning

I feel your pain though! I do think they need a smart phone at this age - his school do all homework through an app and he chats to his friends on WhatsApp so I don't really want to take it away but it's a massive temptation for a 12 year old (or a 42 year old...) to have a handheld computer constantly available

My DD is in year 8 and has a very old very creaky Lumia. It won't allow Snapchat or Facebook, it barely let's get watch YouTube.
She was due to be given my old Samsung until she acted an arse and so she now has to prove by behaving well and keeping her room tidy that she is old enough for a decent mobile. It has bugged the shit out of her.
However, since instigating this in January, she has indeed behaved well, been helpful round the house and done homework when told.
As a result she will be getting a better phone for Christmas.
My two both know that attitude at school or home will result in bans from computers, TV or in DS case his PS3. They still slip up and that's a week mixed media ban.
I find it the best deterrent to modern kids. So yes, take his phone away until he learns manners and respect. My two know they may be able to use these things, but DH and I pay for them. We can easily take them back.

I really think as parents we all need to remember a few things. We love our children we want to give them the world want them happy all the time.

But we arent helping them in the long run.
We have to do things sometimes that the kids dont like and we shouldn't give in for an easier life.

When I was a kid I got my first phone when I was 12 as I had a walk to the bus stop and it was for emergency.

Taking his phone and replacing it with basics is a very good idea

You could remove the data from the contract and then restrict wifi. If he's still playing games etc then get a brick. They cost around £15 from argos. It means he still has a phone for going to and from school and if he goes out at weekends but can only earn back the smart phone for good behaviour.
If you don't take control on this issue now, you will never get it back. Might be worth taking the hit now for long term gain

take the porn-accessing brick away until behaviour improves and stays that way. Yes, a small tough two-week-battery phone is all he needs.

There's lots of apps like Google family link which means you can control he's phone from yours. You can lock it remotely. Remove apps and set time limits. They can't remove the app. It's very good

I don't agree actually. All the teenagers I know organise their social lives via Whatsapp, none of them use texts anymore. In fact, I don't think I personally have sent a text in the last year either.

Screens are a part of daily life now and it is better to manage use of them rather than ban it entirely. You can get lots of apps that allow you to do this. You can then link this to performance in school, completing homework etc.

It comes to a point where you have nothing else to take away and what happens then? Negative punishments give you nowhere to go eventually, whereas the ability to earn something gives more incentive.