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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell DH I’m fed up with him

7 replies

Youtoldme · 14/11/2019 09:11

My DH took voluntary redundancy from a job he became to hate at the start of the year, the package he received is enough to live on till he can access his pension in 18 months time, I still work full time- our plan is to sell up in a few years and move abroad. Since he gave up work he stays in bed till 11am, then just watches TV, besides walking the dogs (if I’m at work) and sometimes cooking the evening meal he does very little else. He as mentioned having no motivation at present and I realise that he may be depressed, I have grown resentful at having to do the majority of chores at home. Yesterday he was talking about selling and retiring and I thought is this how it’s going to be, so I said what about the now and told him I was fed up of doing most of the day to day things around the house. This caused a massive row, he said I was kicking him while he was down and he never has a go at me (TBF he doesn’t but I feel that I just have to do everything so what is there to have a go at). So was IBU to tell him I’m fed up?

OP posts:
MairzyDoats · 14/11/2019 09:14

No, you were absolutely right. But once things have calmed down you need to sit down together and work out a plan of action. It's not fair for him to let you bear the burden of responsibility while he wallows in his own misery. Can you suggest some volunteering schemes or perhaps looking for a part time job? It sounds like he needs a purpose, and some structure to his day to make him get up in the morning.

BatEaredFox · 14/11/2019 09:15

Have you always done the majority of the chores? That seems unfair.

Now he's not working I'd expect him to step up at home, he's either depressed due to the change or he's being lazy. There are solutions to both!

Youtoldme · 14/11/2019 09:22

Thank you both for your replies, and yes I always have done the majority around the house, and I do think that we need a good chat & plan as where to go from here

OP posts:
billy1966 · 14/11/2019 09:30

Big chat. YANBU.

Planning for retirement is a real thing.
Whilst I would be a little sympathetic to the transition for him, him doing so little would not be on.

Make a list of what you expect him to do every day and let that be the start of a routine.
Don't hold back with the list of jobs that you do, and what you are now handing over.
Sounds like he has gotten away with murder for years 🙄
Give him the job of planning, shopping and cooking dinner.

If he continues to be a lazy slob, you can definitely let him have it with both barrels.

Retirement can be very trying for women if their husbands don't have a plan.

It's a lot of time to spend with someone who is lazy and irritating you.

I would be kind, but very firm with him.

You have my sympathy 💐

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2019 09:36

Instead Of resenting each other, why not just sit down and talk amicably. Explain you are starting to resent doing all the chores and working, and that you need a compromise situation. Be nice to one another, and try to reach an agreement,

Northernsoulgirl45 · 14/11/2019 10:07

He absolutely needs to do more. Yanbu

pointythings · 14/11/2019 10:14

He isn't working, you are. That means he should do the majority of the housework. Apply the concept of equal leisure time.

He may well be lost and depressed, but he needs to take steps to deal with that. You can support him but he's an adult.

Time for a serious talk to plan for both the present and the future.

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