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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Playdate - Snub or follow up?

18 replies

BombayPotatoes4 · 14/11/2019 01:27

Friday, took the plunge and text a potential playdate.

The mum isn't at many drop offs, we have different working patterns it seems. All reception children. No reply since, to take it as a no or chase it up?

Me: It would be really nice to have X over to play after school this term if he would like that? Happy to drop him home afterwards.

Potential playdate: Thankyou, will have a chat to him about it later and let you know.

Me: Sounds good! 👍

AIBU He doesn't want to come
YNBU Chase it up and stop being paranoid

OP posts:

HaveeeeYouMetTed · 14/11/2019 01:30

I'd personally leave it. I have a friend who always replies "sounds good. I'll check so & so & I'll get back to you" & then never does so I now take that as someone trying to be "polite" that they aren't interested.

Eckhart · 14/11/2019 01:34

The ball's in their court. If they're interested in meeting up, they'll bat it back.
I don't think it's a yes or no for ages when this happens. People are busy and ditzy and take a long time to get back to each other. I wouldn't ask again though. Leave it with them.

Derbee · 14/11/2019 02:14

Way too early to take it as a yes or no. People are busy.

BillHadersNewWife · 14/11/2019 02:35

I always ask my DC if they want a playdate when invited. They might not get on with the child in question...or just not want to.

She might have forgotten or be busy or perhaps her child isn't keen. Don't follow it up. Ask someone else.

Pilot12 · 14/11/2019 02:53

Maybe she feels her child is too young to be left with a stranger. You wouldn't normally leave a child alone at a party until P1. Your offer to return the child home says Mum is not welcome to stay. Perhaps you should have invited Mum to come for a coffee with her child.

YouMaySayImADreamer · 14/11/2019 02:54

I would just leave it. If I had received that message I would probably find it a little vague and non specific so would reply as she has done and then possibly forget about it until it was too late to reply!

I don't know if i'd have wanted dc to go on a playdate at this age to be honest though unless I already knew the parent. IME there were lots of parties in the reception year where you would get to know parents and children, and playdates started midway through year 1.

Preggosaurus9 · 14/11/2019 03:21

Has the mum been to your house for a cuppa before? If not then it's really weird to suggest her child come over after school on his own

Redrosesandsunsets · 14/11/2019 03:28

Yes definitely have mum over too. I’d not send my kid off to somewhere they’d (or me) never been before.

BoomBoomsCousin · 14/11/2019 05:33

If you’re really busy and your DC has plenty of others to play with after school then leave it. If your DC could do with a stronger network of friends then chase. Forgetting to get back to you once could easily be simply forgetting. She may be being polite but not necessarily at all. Lots of people are just fairly disorganized. Asking a couple of times isn’t being too pushy.

BillHadersNewWife · 14/11/2019 05:36

Thinking about it, it IS a bit vague. You could try once more...

."How does next Wednesday sound? I'll drop him home at 5? If you'd like to, you're more than welcome to join him and have coffee...otherwise, I'll pick them both up and drive him home"

Strugglingtodomybest · 14/11/2019 05:46

I've voted for you to chase it because I know what I'm like sometimes. If she's busy she may well have forgotten about it, or she may have done that thing where she's composed a reply in her head and thinks she's sent it but hasn't. Or is that just me?!

TaxFool · 14/11/2019 05:59

I think you need to specify a date if you want a definitive answer...

AmIThough · 14/11/2019 06:13

'This term' doesn't really give her much to go on. The fact she said "I'll let you know" and didn't let you know would suggest she doesn't want him to come.

Geschwister4 · 14/11/2019 06:19

Has the mum been to your house for a cuppa before? If not then it's really weird to suggest her child come over after school on his own

Really? At my kids reception this happened all the time, no one expected to accompany the children on an after school play date. It is about the kids making friends, not the parents. I would leave it for now OP and ask someone else maybe, but I don't think you have done anything wrong.

fartingrainbows · 14/11/2019 06:21

If you've never hosted the child before then I'd follow up with a "whoops, meant to say you're welcome to stay for a cuppa too if you'd prefer that?"

I stayed for the first one with each new child just so I felt safe leaving him.

needmoresleep1 · 14/11/2019 06:28

Maybe she doesn't want to feel like she has to do it in return?

KarmaStar · 14/11/2019 10:39

Because you mentioned the word term OP,I think the other child's parents may have seen it as an open invitation over the following few weeks rather than a invitation for say after school on Friday and that's why they have not seen any urgency in a response.
Either wait for them to respond or follow it up with a couple of dates which they can pick from to suit.

Damntheman · 14/11/2019 11:54

My 6 year old's best friend's mum consistently just forgets she was going to check :) Some people are like this! It's fine to shoot off another message but I would recommend specifying a date or two rather than have it be an open ended 'some time this term' kind of thing. Some people find it very difficult to respond to an invitation that wide.

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