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AIBU?

Is this normal?

20 replies

Alte · 13/11/2019 23:25

I don't want this to sound like I'm bragging, I'm just looking for an honest opinion.
We live in a fairly well off area, but our children go to school around 30 minutes away. A lot of their friends are from deprived areas and, while they're not poor, they have less money than us. Earlier I heard my 14 year old DD joking with her friends about how she's "always broke" and "can't afford nice things". I know that this is not true - I can see what she has in her bank account and she has over £500! This isn't the first time I've heard her say things like this either. Her friends probably know that this isn't true, but they always joke about it with her. Is it normal for DD to be acting like this or should I say something to her? TIA!

OP posts:
negomi90 · 13/11/2019 23:34

Stay out. Your dd may be down playing wealth to make hey friends feel better. She may be doing something else. Either way as long as she and her friends aren't doing anything dangerous I'd stay out of it unless asked.

VanyaHargreeves · 13/11/2019 23:40

I have done similar to this, it is adapting to company so that you are accepted and don't seem "above yourself"

Like saying something was a gift rather than say I bought it if I know it's out of the other persons reach

nowifi · 13/11/2019 23:48

I think it shows good social awareness on her part and she probably just wants to fit in too, I wouldn't mention it to her

Moomin8 · 13/11/2019 23:50

Children feel the need to fit in with their peers. Imagine how her friends (with not much money) would feel if she sat there saying she's got £500?

Finchy19 · 13/11/2019 23:50

It's fitting in, and adapting. Would you rather she brag about how much money she has? Then she leaves her self in a position of not knowing if someone is using her.

Antigon · 14/11/2019 00:00

I would be worried that she's angling for free stuff. But it doesn't sound like that?

Bouledeneige · 14/11/2019 13:41

Good for her. Your daughter is showing good social awareness and sensitivity.

My DDs oldest friend is at uni and doesn't have a student loan as she is super rich with a trust fund. She lives in a very bling mansion. She never tells anyone and buys clothes from charity shops and the cheap stores most 19 year olds go to. Good for her. You get judged if you're better off than other people and it's good to be sensitive to the fact other people don't have what you have.

Eckhart · 14/11/2019 14:03

There's a number of reasons she might be doing this. How is she with money generally? Have you asked her if she feels she's got enough?

AryaStarkWolf · 14/11/2019 14:08

Why would you say anything? It's obvious why she's doing that

VardySheWrote · 14/11/2019 14:08

What on earth do you want to say to her? Do you genuinely believe she should brag about her money?

Always play down your finances - just read the threads on here where posters are absolutely ripped apart for daring to have more than £2 a month and spending more than £120 on a holiday for 5 for 3 weeks.

Seriously ,your daughter sounds like a very sensible young lady.

And to be fair, £500 doesn't buy you that much these days anyway, when people start looking at designer labels and electronic.

titchy · 14/11/2019 14:18

Your dd sounds far more sensible than you do. Hmm

What do you think she should do - say 'Oh I've got hundreds of pounds in my bank account'?

Sallyseagull · 14/11/2019 14:36

Sounds like shes trying to fit in. Seems relatively normal behaviour to me.

BrieAndChilli · 14/11/2019 14:46

plus she may not want to let people know she has more money as there may be the expectation that she pays for everything.
I've had to sit down DD and say she sould stop buying all her friends hot choc and cake and drinks and sweets when they are out as they never buy it back and its costing me a fortune (and we arent well off). I'm all for her being generous but it was getting to the point where i thought she was starting to be taken advantage of.

HUZZAH212 · 14/11/2019 15:51

What would u rather she said? I've got more money than you 🙄

Bluntness100 · 14/11/2019 15:57
Hmm
Alte · 14/11/2019 16:55

Thanks for replying. I obviously don't expect her to tell everyone she has more money than them, I just found it odd that she was lying about being broke when she's not. I never really considered that her friends might ask for free stuff if they knew the truth.

OP posts:
charm8ed · 14/11/2019 17:16

Maybe her friends do have more money than her for clothes and stuff.

Redspider1 · 14/11/2019 17:19

When I was a teen I was embarrassed that my dad had s new company car every year because my friends parents didn’t. She’s just trying to fit in. They don’t need to know how much money she has. Stay out of it.

newnameforthis76 · 14/11/2019 17:41

I think it's pretty obvious, isn't it? She just wants to fit in with her friends and doesn't want them to think that she's the spoilt rich kid or that she's bragging if she mentions that she's got money to spend. She doesn't want her friends to feel bad for having a lot less than she does. I don't think her behaviour is remotely odd, it's very, very typical for teens to create whichever persona they think will help them fit in.

Bluesheep8 · 14/11/2019 18:04

Exactly what newname said. I was friends with a girl from a very wealthy family when I was younger and she always had new designer accessories, belts/scarves/handbags/sunglasses etc. When anyone commented she would tell people they were fake and that her Dad picked them up from markets when he was away on business. (He did buy her them but they were all genuine). She was just a sweet, kind person who didn't want to be seen as different amongst peers who couldn't afford that sort of thing. If your daughter is like the girl I'm talking about then you should be very proud op.

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