Why is there so much jealousy in families?

[burntpinky]

Just that. Jealousy and then unfair treatment. Discuss.

"Discuss" Why don't you go first?

Go on op - at this rate we are maybe thinking your inability to carry through any convo might be the cause of jealousy (and bitterness) in your experience ???

Ignoring the ‘discuss’...

To answer the question the root cause lies in unbalanced/unequal parenting, leading to serious sibling rivalries that continued on unresolved into adulthood, in both my DM's generation and my own

I agree with this. My elder sister (middle child) had a rivalry with me since we were very young (8 and 10). She got her way in childhood because she was bigger and stronger (e.g. always sitting in the front of the seat, always having the first go). My parents loved all their kids but didn’t have the skills to nip this behaviour in the bud. The result is that my sister still feels very entitled and has a deep seated hatred /jealousy.

"Discuss" ugh, rude.

Discuss? You sound bossy.

I don’t care enough about what anyone else is doing to be jealous.

I do me, they do them.

think op may have had a domestic emergency and started a discussion at a bad time ?

You first OP

I think in my family, lots of not-great things echo down the generations, in spite of best intentions (definitely I find myself subconsciously defaulting towards traits of my mother’s which I had always sworn I would never do!). I guess if jealousy/unfairness/favouritism characterises that, it’ll seem that the whole family is riven with it. Patterns are hard to break.

I have mostly learned to train myself out of feeling jealous towards my sibling, but it still comes naturally - I have to recognise it and pause and rationalise it away, my instinct is usually to compare and feel competitive. It’s not a trait I’m comfortable with in myself.

@Antigon

My eldest sister happily regales anyone who will listen about her Cinderella childhood, when only evidence to the contrary exists on this. My DM was in an abusive marriage, basically a lone parent and struggled to cope with everyone's needs. Eldest was very jealous and resentful of me as the youngest. She is a ridiculous adult, and the definition of immaturity and entitlement. Other sibling agrees. In an argument she will throw something you did/said when you were 12 as "supporting evidence"

We are all around the 40 mark

Age before beauty op.

Sometimes it is engineered by a troublemaker to a) cause drama and b) shine favour upon themselves. The character flaws of those who feel the need to do this are numerous and not indulging their bullshit, even if it means you feeling ostracised, is the best course of action if you want an uncomplicated life.

You discuss.

I think there is a lot more jealousy than people like to admit

Are we all suddenly far more aware of how showing favoritism to one child can harm other siblings of course not we just discuss it more openly

This can be so subtle and it’s not always about loving being closer to or preferring but also bonding/understanding or just getting one child more than another

And it’s an emotion that we are least like to admit too but it’s normal to feel it at some points in our lives

How many families fall out after parents or a parent has died often all these buried feelings come to the surface and play out in petty arguments over something small and insignificant

Where has the OP gone?

Where has the OP gone?
Discuss.

Where has the OP gone?
Discuss.

Why has no-one posted on this thread for almost 21 hours?!!!

DISCUSS!

Did you lot fecking hear me???

Do as yer told.

Where are you @burntpinky ???

🤣