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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To expect me and my newborn to be left in peace?

39 replies

weaverhat · 13/11/2019 16:48

3 hour train journey with 4 week old baby to visit family member. Had to get up very early in the morning to get the train and hoped once on the train me and baby would be able to get some sleep and just wake up for feeds. Didn't expect to be bothered by 2 strangers constantly.

About one hour into the journey 2 women who were travelling together came to sit opposite me, there was a table in between us. Wasn't bothered by them sitting opposite me as the train was packed. I was winding DD at this point. They were having a conversation with each other but when I then repositioned DD so she could go back to sleep they both kept saying "Aww, look" to each other and they both ended up staring at DD and cooing. Could have put up with a bit of that but I started to feel like a museum exhibit.

Eventually they started asking me lots of questions and making comments. "Isn't she lovely."/"You're a superstar travelling with such a tiny baby."/"I miss the newborn days with mine."/"What's her name?"/"How old is she?" etc etc. Didn't want to be rude so I was receptive to them both at first but when they eventually asked where I was headed I said something along the lines of "X so it's quite a while away. We had to get on the train very early this moring so I'm just hoping I can get her to sleep for the rest of the journey so maybe I can have a kip too." I made sure to phrase it so they'd get the message I'd like to be left to go to sleep but without it sounding accusatory to them. It seemed to go over their heads and they both went on about their kids when they were babies etc.

I got a bit peeved. I don't expect people on the train to stay in silence just because of my baby, them talking quietly to each other sat opposite us wouldn't have bothered me. But I was clearly tired, bags under my eyes, tending to and BFeeding my newborn and I resented that I had to chat back to them or come across an utter cow.

Got up at one point to go to the loo in the next carriage to change DD. One of the women said "If you need to go to the loo we'll hold her for you." Wasn't a smell from DD so I guess they assumed I wasn't changing her and jumped at the chance for a cuddle. I politely said thank you but she does need changing. Once I got back onto my seat I didn't say another word to them, closing my eyes as soon as I sat down with DD before they even got chance to say something. As soon as I got to my stop I quickly said bye to them and rushed off the train. I accept I was probably rude, but if you were sat opposite a new mum on the train with a cranky baby who was obviously very tired (and had hinted that to you more than once), would you not leave her too it?

It's been a good few hours now but I'm still slightly annoyed about it all. I go from thinking "God I was such a bitch" to then thinking the women were very inconsiderate. Must be the hormones.

OP posts:
NoSauce · 13/11/2019 17:36

They weren’t mind readers, they probably thought they were being nice, chatting to a new mum travelling on her own and that she wanted to converse, as she carried on chatting.

People can’t win.

dottiedodah · 13/11/2019 17:37

I see where you are coming from but TBH sleeping on a train holding babe is a little unrealistic ! I dont think you will run into them again so dont worry . Try to rest when you get home and take it easy tomorrow if you can .

ShoppingBasket · 13/11/2019 17:41

Headphones. Even if you are not actually listening to anything headphones in your ears let's you ignore people. I don't think they were being unreasonable though either.

Straycatstrut · 13/11/2019 17:41

I'd feel pressured. if I sat opposite you and just smiled and looked away and not made comments about how cute your baby was, and hadn't started talking about her and babies I'd be sat there fretting "Omg she thinks I'm rude now for not going all gooey over her baby"....
I'd hope I'd get the wanting to sleep message though! sometimes I don't "hear" things first time.

Toddlerteaplease · 13/11/2019 17:44

I was on a train after a night shift. I was lucky to get a seat and planned to sleep. A bloke got on and didn't stop talking the entire way to Manchester. The people in front of me were taking bets as to wether I'd come back, when I got up to go to the loo. I had to as it was the only seat!

dontalltalkatonce · 13/11/2019 17:44

YABU

ShoppingBasket · 13/11/2019 17:45

Also I would offer to look after someone's baby/child/bags if they were going to toilet and I had been chatting to them. Wouldn't expect to be taken up when it's a baby but I would offer out of politeness Smile.

FavouriteSoul · 13/11/2019 17:48

I absolutely loved strangers complimenting me on my newborn DS. I knew he was the most adorable baby in the whole wide world and I was the cleverest woman ever to have given birth to him, and having people coo over him and agree with me, was amazing. Grin
A busker once asked me his name and then launched into the John Denver song Matthew.

My son is now an adult but I still look back on those days with a smile.

Straycatstrut · 13/11/2019 17:48

@Toddlerteaplease

Oh my god I'd rather stand! [shocked] I can't stand it when people talk at me! I have a million things swirling around in my head I need to concentrate on. It's bad enough when the kids are doing the whole "Muuummmmyyyyyyyy" 20 thousand times a day, the time I'm travelling or dog walking (other dog walkers can be just as bad) is my thinking time!

WorraLiberty · 13/11/2019 17:51

YABU, you should have just said "Anyway, I'm going to close my eyes now and try to get some sleep".

Or (as you eventually did), just closed your eyes.

AJPTaylor · 13/11/2019 17:53

You wouldn't have slept anyway. Should have put headphones on.

user12345796 · 13/11/2019 18:02

Don't elevate your importance in their eyes. They will have completely forgotten you and your baby by now.

AhNowTed · 13/11/2019 18:03

YABU. They were just being friendly.

Livelovebehappy · 13/11/2019 19:05

People sleep on trains?!? What do you do with your bag/purse? I would be nervous of getting robbed if I fell asleep in public.

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