Am I just being sensitive over partner

[Mumprobs]

I don’t know if I’m being over sensitive or what but I’m 20 pregnant (why I think it could just be hormones) and my partner makes me feel shitty about my self all the time. It’s little comments that put me down but I was on my way out to go shopping he said to me that I should of ‘shaved my upper lip’. I was taken back as I think it’s genuinely nasty to say but I let it slide then he said something about my two front teeth so I just left the house but I can’t get it out my head and it’s always horrible little comments like that!! Am I just being sensitive or am I right in thinking this is not normal?

I am definitely rethinking the relationship already. It will be hard at first I’m used to the routine with him in my life but it’s all very draining now and a part of me just wants to be out of the relationship, it’s not bringing me any happiness.

Ooh he’s not even subtly horrible!
Nasty nasty comments.
He will eventually do it to your child.
I’d leave and not even put him on the birth certificate as I wouldn’t want anyone dripping that poison in my child’s ear.

OP. I'm so sorry, what a horrible thing for him to say and for you to hear while you are pregnant.
People often recommend a book about controlling men called "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft. Even if you're not a reader I strongly recommend that you at least read the Amazon customer reviews for this book, they are very insightful and relevant for you now.

Leave, leave, leave. LEAVE!

He's awful and it's not going to get any better. If you have family then pick up the phone, tell them what's going on and lean on them.

Seriously - leave.

It’s Reynolds unkind and serves no purpose but to make you feel miserable. I think I’d make sure he did understand the impact by telling him it is unacceptable. Each and every time and explain it using examples of his imperfections.

Something like, “That’s a really unkind and unnecessary thing to say. How would you feel if just before we went out I mentioned your belly overhang/ spots/ bald patch?”.
Repeat until message reaches home without emotion, if possible.

If there are no signs of acknowledgement, no apology, no contrition, then I’d have to consider whether I was prepared to accept this behaviour long term.

That’s abuse, if it’s not a one-off (and disgraceful if it is).

It seems like telling him how you feel is pointless because he doesn't respect your feelings, or want you to feel good.

You could just respond by focusing on his behaviour (ie 'What you just said wasn't very nice' rather than 'What you just said hurt me') That way you'll get to make your point without making yourself vulnerable. You know in your head that you are right, so you don't need him to validate that. Whatever he responds, you can just walk away or say nothing further or repeat that it wasn't very nice. It doesn't need to be a discussion.

All this, of course, is to tide you over whilst you're sorting out your plans to leave.

I would like to add something that made a big difference for me in a similar situation. Even if you were being oversensitive (and I don't think you are in this instance), a decent partner would respect that, and understand that, and be super careful to be gentle with you. Being sensitive doesn't give someone an excuse to ride rough shod over your feelings. They are still your feelings, whatever's triggering them, and people who love you care about how you feel.

This arsehole doesn’t deserve you. What a horrible man he sounds.