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To think when someone is in Crisis you don't faff about?

29 replies

hopefullyanon · 12/11/2019 20:08

AIBU to think that when someone is on FB posting externally concerning things that make you believe they are a danger to themselves and their children you do not let the 'admin' who have a lot of safe guarding training apparently  faff about and do what ever chatty Bs they feel like.

Don't all charities and MH advocates say to get the police etc involved?!?

Today a member of a BF group posted something very concerning. The admin said not to do anything and that they were trying to contact the OP.

I managed to stalk FB called the NSPCC and sent them SS which they then passed to the police.

The admin are now cluttering the page saying nobody should do anything and that they are all trained. In what I don't know.

But what I am genuinely concerned about is what qualifications do they have to tell people not to call the police, to not go 'RL'?!

One of the admin tells people not to involve the authorities because she had her son removed from her by the police and his father now has residency due to her having a breakdown and posting it over Fb and someone called the police. Surly she is the last one who should be advising posters?

Sorry for this absolute mess but I've been watching this unravel and their advice now has me very concerned.

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PurpleDaisies · 12/11/2019 20:11

I’d hope the admin have also contacted the police and are just trying to stop a lot of other calls to them.

You have done the right thing yourself. It’s probably best to hide the thread now because it seems to be upsetting you.


WTF99 · 12/11/2019 20:12

You sound a bit over involved tbh but in reality if you want to call the police, or anyone else, you're an adult and you can, no matter what anyone else says


Cornettoninja · 12/11/2019 20:17

What WTF99 said really. You don’t need anyone’s permission to act on your own concerns. I think that multiple calls about the same incident would be picked up by the police so it doesn’t really matter if they get more than one report.


hopefullyanon · 12/11/2019 20:20

But from what they've posted they don't want to involve the police. That's what concerned me.

The admin disliked the police route because when she was reported to the police it was all their fault she lost her child.

I always do what I want. I've always found these group rules quite funny because they are almost always unenforceable.

But I am concerned about the ridiculous advice they are giving out to some very vulnerable women.

OP posts:

Winterdaysarehere · 12/11/2019 20:21

Trained in the art of FA...
Fuck All.
You did the right thing op.


PurpleDaisies · 12/11/2019 20:21

But from what they've posted they don't want to involve the police. That's what concerned me.

You don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes.


PurpleDaisies · 12/11/2019 20:22

What sort of ridiculous advice are you talking about?


hopefullyanon · 12/11/2019 20:22

You're right.

But from reading the ridiculousness of their recent post I also don't fully trust what's going on.

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Andsoitisjust99 · 12/11/2019 20:26

I think it’s a very weird thing you did OP. Lots of mums have sent me all kinds of ranting and raving messages in the middle of the night (I am part of a few WhatsApp groups for the purpose of connecting with mums) and they are all functioning mums by day. Having a young baby, being tired. I think admin were right to contact her before making a referral on the basis of one post. All you’ve done is make other mums afraid of seeking support. I really do feel strongly that you have acted out of line.


hopefullyanon · 12/11/2019 20:30

You think a woman posting that she is self harming in front of her children is nothing to act about? Hmm

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PurpleDaisies · 12/11/2019 20:31

It might not necessarily be true. People troll about all sorts of stuff for attention.

What advice was she being given that was so bad?


hopefullyanon · 12/11/2019 20:32

Nothing. They closed all the threads and told people to do nothing. But then one admin was posting about how the police must not be involved because rod what happened to her.

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Cornettoninja · 12/11/2019 20:35

You can only go by your own gut instinct really, none of us are privy to what has gone on but if you’re concerned and not pacified by their reassurances then you can only do what is right for your own conscience.

Someone’s experience of losing custody isn’t relevant tbh. That’s only one side of the story and you have no idea what the complete picture would look like. They may be justifiably nervous or they may be in denial about what actually went wrong. Either way it’s not about them.

I don’t think there’s much can be done about FB groups more than you could do anything about people irl.


PurpleDaisies · 12/11/2019 20:36

Nothing. They closed all the threads and told people to do nothing.

That’s the advice mental health charities and professionals give for threads with suicidal posters. Do you think lots of untrained people would be helpful?


Cornettoninja · 12/11/2019 20:37

All you’ve done is make other mums afraid of seeking support. I really do feel strongly that you have acted out of line


How many high profile cases where mothers and children would have been saved a lot of heartache and worse if someone had intervened would you like me to google and link right now?


hopefullyanon · 12/11/2019 20:38

I know I look like an idiot right now.
But this has had me a little shook today.

I kept going over it.
What if she hurt herself? Why if the children saw? What if the police arrived and did remove the children but she hurt herself because of that.

I basically managed to overthink every stupid scenario.

That poor woman was alone, overwhelmed and had nothing to hold onto expect her phone.

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whoviangirl88 · 12/11/2019 20:40

You did the right thing OP. I say that as someone who lost custody in part due to mental health.

The children are the priority here not the mum or the admin.


Oakmaiden · 12/11/2019 20:43

I can't help feeling that someone posting about it on a FB group either wants someone to do something to help them or is trolling.

I think you have done the right thing.


Faez · 12/11/2019 20:45

I think you did the right thing, you informed the authorities and they decided what action was appropriate. Better safe than sorry.


hopefullyanon · 12/11/2019 20:48

I just wish I could know she's OK.
She didn't have anyone to call. She just had some Facebook group :(
She had her phone and all she could do was post.

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PurpleDaisies · 12/11/2019 20:53

This is the other reason those threads need to go down or get closed. You don’t know anything about her or if she was even real. You’re far too involved.


CodenameVillanelle · 12/11/2019 20:53

Why do you think the admins of a Facebook group would or should know how to behave in a situation like that? They are just internet randoms who happen to admin a group. Use your common sense (as you did) but I think it's odd that you expected some kind of rational response just because they are admins of a group.


80skid · 12/11/2019 20:54

Sounds like she needed someone to have her back today, and luckily you did.
Or she's a massive attention seeker, but falsely claiming to self harm in front of the kids is a cry for help in itself.
You did a good thing today OP. But now you need to step back and understand that you may never know the outcome. You're not involved and don't need to be now. But potentially, you made a big difference to someone who needed it Thanks


Cornettoninja · 12/11/2019 20:55

@hopefullyanon you’re not an idiot at all. You’ve sensibly reacted to a situation by alerting people better placed to deal with the kind of situation you’ve alluded to. It’s not often a situation would be police=losing children and if it does there are larger issues at play and the children need protecting.

I’ll never forget (some years ago mind) some knowledgable eagle eyed posters spotting postpartum psychosis in another poster. As far as I know she was persuaded to speak to someone irl and got some proper help.

There’s very little you can do from behind a screen, including properly assessing a situation, but police, SS etc have to resources to do that and can respond appropriately.


hopefullyanon · 12/11/2019 20:55

@80skid thanks. I've got the amazon stick on and am reading random threads on her. So it's all starting to be in the past.

If it is real's just so bloody sad.

OP posts:
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