Formal -Prom daughter

[mcmen05]

I am totally gutted for my dd1 she has her formal on Thursday night and her bf told her yesterday he doesn't want to go because of his anxiety.
She has cried all night she wasn't going to go either but I think I have talked her around because she was so looking forward to it.
I told her we would go for breakfast before hair and makeup and lunch after and I ordered her a corsage today.
I would really love to contact his mum to get her to persuade him to meet her at the venue at least as he said he too nervous to come to house and now doesn't want to go at all.
My dd doesn't want me to get involved but I hate seeing her upset this is such a big day in a girls school life.
I don't know the bf or his parents

I’d keep out of it with regard to talking to his mum but carry on supporting her. It sounds like you’re doing a brilliant job for what it’s worth.

I hope she has a lovely time x

Does she have any friends she could go with instead?

I'd focus on your daughter and wouldn't interfere with the boyfriend. Can she go with friends instead?

To be honest, if his anxiety is that bad, your daughter will probably have more fun without him. Sounds like you've done a great job, I would leave it there.

Thanks for replies yes alot of friends going but everyone coupled up with someone. She was devastated last night was going to put her dress and jewellery on Ebay to sell but I told her to think about it but she cried all night.
I do understand about anxiety as I have it myself but it's just he said he was going all along until 3 days before.
I just think he had no intention of going as he never showed a photo of his suit.
But left it to all tickets where booked so she couldn't ask a friend.
She had so many Invites but turned them down for this bf.

OP, your understanding of anxiety isn't coming across well here. Nowadays anxiety is overused for people simply now and again being anxious. However, those who suffer genuinely want to do things, they truly at times convince themselves they can and will do it, but as time gets nearer the reality hits and the mental turmoil is too much. It is difficult to explain and you can come across as flaky to others, but it is not nice to live with either. You want nothing more than to go and be happy and have fun but the thoughts are crippling.

You saying you think he had no intention etc is uncalled for and it's time for you to nip unnecessary comments in the bud. You have no right to speak to his mum and ask her to persuade him to do anything he cannot mentally handle. Just show some understanding and compassion to him also.

All you can do is be supportive to your daughter, help her understand that he has not done this purposely to hurt her but unfortunately this is the harsh reality of anyone who suffers severely. Most likely once she gets there she will have fun with her friends anyway, no one is going to be stuck to the hip with their significant others. Just lessen the drama for her and don't make your own comments to her, just simply be supportive and let her know she will still have fun. All of her friends ARE still going and they will not disregard her.

Tbh going stag and seeing all her friends will be much better for both of them than her having to be reassuring him all night and him hating it.

@IDontEvenHaveAPla sorry if I have offended you or anyone else about anxiety but I actually take medication for mine and I do change my mind last minute so I do totally understand about anxiety.

Ditto what @IDontEvenHaveAPla said. Anxiety usually manifests itself the closer you get to the event, with all his best intentions he probably was thinking he would go, but now feels entirely unable.

Your daughter won’t be alone once there, certainly from what I remember of my prom, and most casual prom photos I’ve see of my siblings, you arrive with your ‘date’, and then the most part of the evening is actually spent with your mates anyway.

@IDontEvenHaveAPla just though I would up date you on formal night. Her bf finished with her the night before formal and he went and acted about hugging other girls so it was nothing to do with anxiety it was because he wanted to finish.
My dd put on a brave face and went and had a great night.
And due to your comments on I didn't know what anxiety was I couldn't face my work night out due to my own anxiety. Words can be very hurtful.

I know it's easy to say but please don't ever let tossers on the internet stop you from going out again xxx

Is this in America?

@vivacian no it's not America but what difference does it make.
@caroline161 thanks it wasn't just her comment stopped me going out it is my anxiety and the whole upset the ex bf put me through. It was so sad for a mum to watch her dd get on the bus to her formal without a partner when everyone else on her bus had a partner. I totally broke down in tears when her bus left.

I’m surprised people said not to talk to his mother. I definitely would have. They could have persuaded him or got him some help! Your poor daughter. And it would have been heart breaking having her so upset. I hope she still had a lovely time OP 💐

I know she ,use be very sad presumably she's either in the last year of her GCSEs or A Levels and so very young. I'd be encouraging her to enjoy herself with her friends rather than how this is 'such a big day in a girls school life'.

I'd be saying 'ok so Bob doesn't want to go to the prom so how is Jasmine getting there.' I can't believe that her friends won't just bring her into their plans.

As shitty and as cowardly as your DD’s bf was, she is well rid. Secondly, you were glib about anxiety and when rightfully challenged, you blame respondents 🤔 for triggering yours. if you aren’t prepared for your opinion to be questioned (and obviously your own experience hasn’t made you the most sympathetic) then perhaps a public forum isn’t for you. Suffering from anxiety and being a hypocrite, aren’t mutually exclusive

Encourage her to go with her friends.

How long has she been with her boyfriend? I sympathise with his anxiety but I think I would be encouraging her away from this relationship.

I'm assuming she is a teen. She should be out having fun, making ambitious dreams for her future, not wondering if she's going to be stood up at the last minute or what the next boyfriend crisis will be.

I'm trying to picture somewhere where they talk about formals and corsages and going stag. In my experience school proms are a recent americanisation of a school disco, the kids go in friendship groups and have a laugh.

In my kid's school, those kids with no partners all went together in groups. There were some that came alone and no one commented. Lad 1 went with four girls, lad two went with his best mate and five girls. All about keeping the pressure off. Can she call her friends and join up with them?

The formal was Thursday

@agentjohnson you must have a perfect life. People come on forums for help not put downs.

Yeah I'd guessed it must be America.

You weren't put down. The post was trying to explain how anxiety sufferers feel, nit having a go at you.

Could admin please remove this thread as Formal is over and it's making me more upset a few comments

They tend not to delete threads down for that kind of reason OP.

Can you stick with the conversation and explain what has upset you? (Or just un-follow and let it go).