To never want to see my friend

[Allthecake89]

Hi everyone, I have a friend that I met 12 years ago. Before kids we go on great. But since kids I have sort of seen a side to her I don't like. Her child is now 6. She became a mum 18 months before me. I always helped her out with babysitting etc in that first year. I thought we would always help eachother out and go through motherhood together.

After my DD was born her child got extremely jelous. She just sat there and let her child attack her on her playmat etc. If I fed my DD her child would steal her bottle and scream in her face. When my DD was a few weeks old she said we could walk to the fayre together (25 min walk) I out my DD in her pram for her settled and then my friend said we were going in the car. I said to her I had just settled her in the pram. If never done the collapsing of her pram or the carseat without my partner. She insisted. So there I was screaming newborn, struggling to juggle a seat, a pram , a bag .. her dummy fell on the grass and she screamed around the fayre for over an hour. I was close to tears myself as she didn't do anything to help me at all. After nine months of what felt like selfish behaviour I suggested meeting once a month without kids for a meal or something. Knock the play dates on the head because the kids were not the right age to play. She took in really bad and stopped speaking for two years.

We ended up both expecting babies at the same time and we did get back in touch. We began meeting just for the odd hour with just the babies. She soon got back into wanting too meet on her days off. If I wasn't free she went moody. If I had to cancel she made sarky comments like we still go out with colds because it makes us feel better rather than sitting in the house. I never contact her first about meeting because I have no desire to meet her. I know it sounds bitchy but I never feel she gives a monkeys about my kids. She won't offer them food at her house. Not even a drink. She always takes but never offers anything. She's had bags of next clothes for nothing and never considered offering a few quid or buying my DD some sweets. I've done all this stuff for her in the past and always given her kids good etc.

She wants to meet up this week. I was sort of planning too but now I've got a bad throat and the dreaded monthly is coming Thursday which makes me feel awful.I really don't want to say I'll see her because I know full well she won't be happy if I let her down. I just never know what to do when we meet up. We should be comfortable enough with eachother now that we can go into eachothers Homes for a cuppa and if it was a true friendship we both would surely be closer to eachothers kids.

I have another friend who I met four years ago. We seem to really click. She's the sort of friend that lifts my pushchair down the stairs, we buy eachother coffee and we both care about eachothers kids. We buy cheap £5ish gifts for their birthdays too. I feel like the connection and closeness doesn't exist with the other friend.

I don't know what to do about her message. I am so annoyed at myself for getting myself back in this position. I guess some friendships just don't work out after kids.

[KarmaStar]

Hi op
This person is not a friend,she is a taker.
Her negative energy is driving you down.
For your own good you need to tell her that you do not want to see her again then block her.
Carry on enjoying time with your other friend.
Do this tonight and you will wake up tomorrow morning relieved and feeling like a great weight is off your shoulders.
Good luck.

[SummerWhisper]

Hi (friend)

The past number of times have been stressful and not in the best interests if my children. I won't be meeting up again. Thank you for your past friendship which I will always value, but having our very different ways of parenting has put an inevitable strain on our friendship. No hard feelings from me, I just need to focus on what is best for my children

Take care,

Xxx

[SummerWhisper]

*of my children

[candative]

You aren't responsible for making her happy by meeting up. She makes you unhappy, she sounds a bit self absorbed and rude, why do you put up with that? Blank her or make an excuse, but don't meet up. Rinse and repeat, the 'friendship' will drift.