I kind of know I am BU.. it's more of WWYD?
Long back story but I try to keep it brief without dripfeeding..
I am in my 40's and pregnant with my no.4, a surprise baby but very much wanted. I live in the UK with my British DH, but I'm originally from another European country, and my own family still lives there - about 3h flight away. I am incredibly lucky to have been happily married to my DH for 18 years, but my family has never really approved for us settling here, and not in my home country.
My birth family has had a lot of issues over my whole life, from alcoholism to violence, fundamental religious beliefs, and the relationship between my parents was always very volatile. They divorced when I was in my 30's, very acrimoniously, and didn't talk to each other for 10 years. Recently however they have been getting on a bit better. My mum and dad are now in their 70's, still physically in good health. Their behaviour over the years has been very immature and there have been so many family feuds and problems as result.
I moved out when I was 16 and have struggled to overcome my past over for my whole adult life. I am currently maintainng a low contact with my parents. I care about them a lot and do not want to cut them off altogether, but their behaviour still hurts me regularly.
Both my mum and Dad are happy to hear from me when I call or when we go to visit (we rarely visit these days as it is expensive for big family like us, and there is always drama), but they make hardly any effort to keep in contact with us. They habitually ignore all my childrens birthdays ( and mine and DH's too but that doesn't matter so much) hardly ever call me ( maybe once per month if I don't call) and they are very reluctant to visit us. This has been ongoing for years. In my dad's case, it's just plain "can't be arsed". He last visited 2 years ago. My mum usually blames money worries, religious beliefs (in case of birthdays) or her fear of flying. She last came 18 months ago ( I paid for her flights as usual, I have no problem with that as it's cheaper than us going over there).
They both seem to think that I can only blame myself for getting ignored, for choosing to live in another country, and the language barrier ( My children unfortunately haven't picked up my mother tongue as our home language is english , and we have such little contact with my family).
My children are their only grandchildren and this is definately going to be the last baby I have.
Our baby will be delivered by a section next week (!) and I have told my parents this, but not the exact date. I am nervous about the recovery and was really hoping my mum would come over.
Unfortunately, both my parents have declined the invitation to visit us when the baby is born. I offered to pay for my mum's flights, but she is still refusing to come over. (For the context, she was happily telling me the other week that she had bought some new gardening equipment, worth about £400, and then in practically same sentence said her passport is out of date and she cannot afford to renew it (£50) in order to come and visit).
My dad just says " oh your mum will probably come over, I don't think I will this time". He is financially comfortable and has absolutely no reason why he could not travel...we would pick him from the airport.
Both of them are expecting us to tell them as soon as the baby is here and to send lots of photos etc.. But I feel so hurt with their attitude that I don't want to tell them about the birth until sometime later, and feel reluctant to send them any photos. If I send photos they will feel even less need to visit... AIBU?
I know it is petty and it certainly don't do any good, but I feel so abandoned, it's like they do not care about us at all...WWYD? I find it very difficult to actually talk to them about my feelings, as there is already so much hurt on the background from years before and they will find a way to blame me rather than acknoledging their behaviour.
I know they aren't ever going to change, I will just have to come to terms with their behaviour. I don't need their attention or affection as I have my own lovely family here, but at the moment I acually feel like I'd like to hurt them like they are hurting me. I realise i'm probably being very hormonal and making this into a bigger deal than it is, but just trying to gain some perspective...If you have / had children / grandchildren in another country, how important would it be for you to visit them?