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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Only Child - Research

15 replies

KM99 · 12/11/2019 11:15

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2019/11/11/children-no-self-centred-siblings-says-myth-busting-study/

As an only child and the mother of an only child, can I ask if this means no more debate on MN? 😁

OP posts:

trumpisaflump · 13/11/2019 17:56

@KM99 unfortunately I don't think you'll change the outdated stereotypical opinions of only children in MN nor in general society!

Babybel90 · 13/11/2019 18:04

I think this quote says it all for me

Given that the number of families with only one child is increasing across the world, perhaps the time has come to stop stigmatising only children and condemning parents who choose to have only one child.

But there will always be someone who’s next door neighbour’s, brother’s cousin had a spoilt only child therefore the same applies to all only children

FunOnTheBeach20 · 13/11/2019 18:11

Thanks for this. I’ve had one baby and love being a mum, but am seriously thinking of stopping at one (I always thought I’d want a bigger family, but not sure I do now). Was worried my LO would miss out, so this has been a useful read.

Celebelly · 13/11/2019 18:16

No, you'll still get the posters who claim it's a 'shame' and they 'feel sorry' for only children. Like everything, it's projecting and/or lack of ability to understand that family setups different to their own can be just as good and a weird sort of defensive that by someone else choosing not to have more children, they are somehow being judged for having multiple. So I doubt it'll change anything! Human nature innit?

Oh, and don't waste energy on feeling sorry for me, my childhood and life were/are bloody amazing and my DD's will be too!

aHintOfPercy · 13/11/2019 18:19

My DH is an only child. He was certainly not spoiled and is a lovely man. He never felt he missed out as a child by not having siblings. I think the biggest issue for only children is ageing parents. DH's parents have always been demanding and now they are old and suffering ill health they put so much pressure on him. He's in a constant state of guilt. Having a sibling or two to share the burden would be lovely.

Aragog · 13/11/2019 18:22

perhaps the time has come to stop stigmatising only children and condemning parents who choose to have only one child.

Oh, if only!

Some people, even on a very recent thread on MN, were adamant that being an only child would be a fate worse than death.

Aragog · 13/11/2019 18:23

Having a sibling or two to share the burden would be lovely.

But even that is not guaranteed. DH is a probate solicitor and sees many families with fall outs, not speaking and various other issues where the support is not there and it is still down to one child to do the work.

DobbyTheHouseElk · 13/11/2019 18:28

Having a sibling or two to share the burden would be lovely.

I have a sibling who lives abroad, no use whatsoever. All the burden (if you want to call it that) is on me.

Livebythecoast · 13/11/2019 18:32

My DD15 is an only child. She loves it and has never mentioned a sibling. She's certainly not spoilt but of course I only have to buy for her and not feel guilty that I have to buy for xyz too. Actually she even said to me the other day that she was glad she didn't have younger siblings cos alot of her friends can't come out as they're babysitting their siblings. She's sociable, has lots of friends (heard all the only child, lonely child). It's a personnel choice of course and people can have as many children as they want (sue radford 22 ) but it works for us and we're happy

SoftBlocks · 13/11/2019 18:39

Most adult onlies I know have really good friendship circles and good social skills because their friends mean so much to them.
It is perfectly possible to have a lonely childhood with siblings and some of the most spoilt children I’ve met have had brothers and sisters. Not to mention sibling rivalry and favouritism.

SoftBlocks · 13/11/2019 18:40

Having siblings can be great but it’s not everything.

Mummyshark2019 · 13/11/2019 18:48

There's no right or wrong number of children to have. It totally depends on your circumstances. I come from a family of only children and it is fine. I have not missed out at all. I would not want a sibling now.

NC2020 · 13/11/2019 18:53

My hairdresser is a confident, funny and successful buisness owner. She was telling me about how great it was growing up as an only child and how great it was for her parents whose relationship seemed to survived better than her peers who had siblings. I had never thought of that aspect tbh. Definitely changed my perspective on potentially having the one.

Willyoujustbequiet · 13/11/2019 20:02

I'm in the unenviable position of knowing both sides. My only sibling died in their late twenties.

I would give anything to have a brother or sister still. Having to look after and bury your parents all by yourself is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

Medical/financial reasons aside I would always advise against having an only child.

cacklingmags · 13/11/2019 20:42

I am the mum of an only child, who had such a great time growing up, we always had friends over and sleepovers so they were never lonely. They are now a happy and successful academic who knows how to network and make friends. Also, hopefully, they will not be sharing a very decent inheritance from us.

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