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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have my dog put to sleep?

253 replies

NotAHun · 11/11/2019 19:44

Not sure this is the right place to be posting this. Long time poster but name changed for privacy...

We have a small ish breed dog. She’s 5, over the last year she’s bitten 2 of my dc one twice, and two other times when people have knocked at door, once when taking a toy off of her, she’s also bitten me hard enough that I lost my nail. She just punctured ds’s arm right on the bony bit and through a long sleeved top and jumper because he tried to push her away as he opened the door to let me in (I hadn’t knocked and she would have heard it was my voice the other side of the door.

I cannot walk her off lead as she would definitely bite a toddler unprovoked she hates tiny children! My dc are all over 5. I don’t feel comfortable re homing her because no one can guarantee that they never come into contact with children and I feel responsible.

It’s awful because we all love her but if ds had been wearing a t shirt and not a jumper she could’ve done serious damage. I feel so guilty at the thought of having her pts but no idea what to do.

OP posts:
LunchBoxPolice · 12/11/2019 18:48

You’ve done the right thing - it’s a huge shame but she was a dangerous dog who had lots of second chances.

CheeryB · 12/11/2019 18:54

If you can't be bothered to spend the time training and correcting the problem

I think OP went to great lengths to resolve the problem. 4 bites to her children and one to herself. Consulted with a veterinarian and also a friend who is a vet. Both agreed it was the best course of action.

you should send her to be rehomed with someone who will make the effort

That's an unpleasant thing to say to someone in this dilemma.
There are very few people who will take on a dog that has bitten 5 times. OP has gone through a sad experience today, feels bad enough already. She did the right thing for the dog and her family.
For all we know, tonight or tomorrow or next week, the dog might have done some real life changing damage to one of her children.
Or she could spend her life worrying that a future owner could suffer the same fate. No. OP was brave enough to make the decision that the dog could no longer be trusted. I admire her for that.

I've been bitten by a neighbour's rescue dog. It's a small dog and I was wearing thick trousers. I didn't make an official complaint. However, it's a criminal offence to own a dangerous dog, and I knew it was a rescue that had bitten before. She brought it into my kitchen, through the back door, on a lead, uninvited. And the little sod bit me
for absolutely no reason at all.
I'm glad it was my ankle and not some poor toddler's eye.
OP cannot live with that possibility hanging over her head.
She did the absolutely right thing.

Icanflyhigh · 12/11/2019 18:56

I think you've made a very brave, and correct decision.
Be kind to yourself x

CheeryB · 12/11/2019 19:02

If they decide she needs to be put down at least you can say it was not your decision and it was made by professionals

That's passing the buck. OP was brave enough to make the call herself.
She knows her own dog. And she knows it's not trustworthy.
She owned responsibility for the decision with professional input.

QuestionableMouse · 12/11/2019 19:20

I'm so sorry op. Its the hardest thing.

CheeryB · 12/11/2019 19:32

It's a dangerous dog and there's no place for them in our society

Agreed. Well said.

FabbyChix · 12/11/2019 19:37

Errr she needs to be in a home with no kids simple - so you re home

FabbyChix · 12/11/2019 19:38

You killed your dog? Done dogs can’t be around kids it really is that simple

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 12/11/2019 19:39

FabbyChix

The dog has bitten an adult, children and other dogs.

Please RTFT

spanglydangly · 12/11/2019 19:49

@FabbyChix read the updates

MistyMinge2 · 12/11/2019 19:51

I'm a massive dog lover and would try everything not to put a dog to sleep, but my children's safety would always come first.

I think you made a very difficult but brave decision.

GrumpyMiddleAgedWoman · 12/11/2019 20:03

The dog is a product of how you have raised and trained it.
Dogs are also a product of their genes. Sometimes shit happens.

Honestly, I think some people just come onto threads like this to be sanctimonious and judgemental.

OP, Flowers. You must be feeling shit tonight, but you made the right call.

NotAHun · 12/11/2019 20:03

No. I did not “kill her” she was was humanely out to sleep in my arms

OP posts:
NotAHun · 12/11/2019 20:04

I am feeling totally shit. It’s really sunk in now. I miss her, but I still know it was the best thing

OP posts:
spanglydangly · 12/11/2019 20:08

@NotAHun whilst the majority of the posters on here are sensible and have a balanced view, you're going to get ridiculous hysterical posters who haven't read the full thread or who look through rose tinted glasses where animals are concerned.

I would suggest you hide this thread.

You already feel upset and this won't help.

tobee · 12/11/2019 20:10

Op I went through this too. It's a very painful decision, I know. Even if you believe it's the right one. I found people did not understand that although my ddog bit me, I loved him very much. I still miss him and love him.

Please be kind to yourself. It's much better that you got to choose to do this rather than something terrible happening down the line and someone else making the decision for you. Or living with the guilt of your dog hurting someone badly. Even if you don't feel like that now.

ThanksSad

NotAHun · 12/11/2019 20:10

Spangly, you’re very right.

I was about to post to thank the huge majority of posters who posted with kindness and sensitivity even if they disagreed with me. I do so appreciate it Flowers

OP posts:
hopefullyanon · 12/11/2019 20:12

Look at all these posters coming on here and public ally advertising that they are useless.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 12/11/2019 20:38

Lots of thoughts for you @NotAHun you made a very brave decision and one which I would have made too.

NotAHun · 12/11/2019 20:47

Tobee yes exactly I love her so much, loved her, I still do love her. Which is why it was such a hard thing to do.

I also feel this was less stressful than having the choice taken out of my hands.

Imagine if she had seriously injured or worse killed one of my children or a visiting child/child on street and then it transpired not only had she bitten once but 5 times, can you imagine how I would feel, what people would say about how stupid I was to let it happen more than once?! Same if I re homed her and heard she had hurt new family - she would still have been pts and she would have had the upheaval and upset.

That’s not to say I’m not upset, it’s really kicked in tonight. Am sat here having a cry and looking through pics of her stupid (in an affectionate way before anyone attacks me again!) lovable face.

OP posts:
tobee · 12/11/2019 21:01

I know Not.

I saw two behaviourists over some months and the last one I'm still in touch with now. (Both we're properly accredited). The second one did not recommend re homing as she said ddog might have behaved well for a while but would likely reverted to biting. I felt guilty for ages (I'm afraid to say) and still wonder if I did things wrong. I have never had a dog before (or since) so I'm glad you have other dogs so you know it wasn't you. I loved being a dog owner. Sad

My ds had to hide all my photos of ddog for me for a while, but I can now look occasionally.

tobee · 12/11/2019 21:02

The first one behaviourist I saw btw didn't recommend re homing either btw.

tobee · 12/11/2019 21:03

Sorry for typos

CheeryB · 12/11/2019 21:06

My parents had an aggressive dog. It was a soft bundle of fluff as a puppy. It hated me. They got it after I'd married and left home so it didn't know me. It bit me twice while I was there. Once when it was laying on my foot while I was sitting on the sofa and I shifted and it didn't like it. So it bit me. I had an injection and 4 stitches.
Second when it escaped the front garden and had nipped a child playing out. I was the only person to respond to the child's plight and went out and grabbed it so it bit me.

My parents might have been rubbish dog owners, who knows? But this meant that I didn't visit my mother's house for the 10 years before she died. I couldn't go in the house or take my children in there.
It bit her, it bit my adult brothers and it was a really well cared for dog.
They didn't mistreat it, they fed it and walked it for hours, they took it to training classes. It was just a rogue aggressive dog.

Some dogs do have an aggressive streak that can't be trained out.
For the last 10 years of my mother's life, I couldn't visit her. They promised to keep the dog locked up a couple of times I went but it leapt over gates or kept up a constant yapping. I could not tolerate the noise or the risk any more.
So this small noisy and aggressive dog played a huge part in my not spending very much time with my family and not seeing much of my mother when I visited my home town, (250 miles away)

My memories of rare family visits are marred by the yapping and asking my mother to come out to the car to see me, because I couldn't take my babies in there. She was sad about it but understood that I couldn't possibly go inside.

It was a very aggressive dog. With no apparent justification. It showed no signs of being in pain or having any bad behaviour until it was challenged. Laid on the bed. Get off the bed. Nope. Growled and snapped until you let it stay. Fine and happy laying on the sofa. Until you told it to get off. The dog was not in any discomfort. It just thought it was the boss.

If my mother had taken heed of the signs early on, after the dog had bitten, and had it pts, I'd have different memories. My children would remember days spent on visits to their grandparents house being looked after and fussed and loved and playing games and whatever it is that grandparents do. My parents died whilst my children were 8 and 10 and they'd never set foot in their grandparents door.

Because of that fucking dog. Which is now dead. And it robbed my children of any sort of relationship with my Mam and Dad, their grandparents.
To me, that's a pretty huge thing.
So I do not think aggressive dogs should be given a 6th chance.

meyouandlulutoo · 12/11/2019 21:11

@NotAHun

In your situation PTS is the kindest, safest and most responsible solution. If your dog was surrendered to a rescue, she will be afraid and will just be waiting for you to return for her, fear biting may contribute to the problem anyway and there may be no rhyme or reason for that. Who knows what goes through her mind. Fear of toddlers is a real thing with some dogs and even with a behavourist this may never be resolved, and as you quite rightly state you never know when your dog may come across a child even if rehomed with a family where there are no children

On MN I often see soft muzzles suggested - it is not recommended to use this type of muzzle for more than 20 minutes at the maximum, as this design is actually less comfortable for a dog than a basket muzzle and potentially more dangerous. Soft muzzles prevent a dog from panting, which is the only way she has of dispersing heat, they cannot drink while wearing one either. Soft muzzles have their uses, ie a nervous dog on a vet visit, but should never be used for exercise.