To not bring it up until mil does?

[FlowersInMyGarden]

Me and my Mil don't get along. She is very interfering and controlling over my dh but that's another thread. Mil usually always brings up Christmas in October trying to guilt us into staying from Christmas eve until the day after boxing day. When we say no we can't do Christmas day we end up being guilted to going boxing day and staying a few nights (it's the staying over I'm opposed to). As punishment we got an undercooked soggy toddler size boxing day dinner. This year she hasn't mentioned it yet. Do I just leave it until she mentions it. Also my parents are wanting to see us on boxing day so if I say yes to that and mil then asks no doubt it will be a mega tantrum.

Decide what you want to do and who with. Then ask/say nothing as needed. When you’re asked, state your plans and move the conversation on.

Sounds simple but I realise reality isn’t the same. But that could be your starting point.

So how come she can insist on you visiting on Boxing Day but your parents can’t? How is that fair?

I would pre-empt her and tell her the plans you have settled on. How far away is she? Is a day trip feasible?

What did you do last Christmas in terms of seeing her and your mum?

Say yes to your parents. Giving you an undercooked dinner is just ridiculous. You are not children you have complete control of where you want to go and what you want to do. The power she has over you is what you give her. Take it back by telling her YOUR plans. If she gets upset try to get some emotional distance. Repeat "I am sorry you feel that way MIL, we look forward to seeing you on X day this year." Make sure you have a back up meal at home in case she tries to pull the food thing on you. "What a shame about the food. Unfortunately we can't eat this." Then make your way home.

CoraPirbright it's maybe an hour and a half in the car

HollowTalk my parents visited on Christmas day, and then went to mil's on boxing day. We had a young baby and my dad offered to cook us Christmas Dinner. It's more the staying for a few nights that I hate. She is worse on her own turf.

Lentilbug thanks I will use that reply.

The potatoes (2 small ones) were still hard on the inside, yet soggy on the outside. Mccain frozen potatoes would have been alot better.

Shame she has left her planning so late. You are all planned and organised. You can fit her in on 2nd Jan...

Sorry your going to someone else. If she asks then either dsis or 3rd cousin once removed. Then you're fully booked with all sorts of lovely socialising with friends and family until the 3rd week of January

Make plans ASAP!! Then you have a perfect excuse ‘sorry we’ve sorted all our plans this year’

While at the new plans say ‘this has been great, same again next year?’

Why do you need to stay for a few nights ? Compromise stay 1 night , arrive lunch time go home next morning. Offer to bring some buffet type food . She may have a small appetite and not really think .

Invite your parents to you boxing day then invite MIL as well,telling her your parents will be over as well and you'll be doing a big buffet.

She can decline, but you have plans already which you have invited her to join in with. Done.

So you had your parents Christmas Day and went to his parents Boxing Day. Pretty standard for turn about so invite il’s Christmas Day this year and Boxing Day with your parents. Obviously il’s can’t stay over as you are up n out early next day etc.

There's no need to stay when it's only and hour and half away. We travel further than that for a day trip to visit relatives. In any case you do what suits you and Dh. If Dh insists on seeing her on Boxing Day let him off. You can go to your parents. Kids can choose where they want to go. Or decide now what you want to do during the holidays and then if she bring she it up you simply tell her your plans - e.g. visiting your parents Boxing Day and you will then visit her for a day on 27th and you are then visiting your friend on 28th so can't stay over with mil.

Just tell her you are having xmas at home from now on and do that? Then you wont have shit food and dont have to stay over.