Not attending university lectures/tutorials

[captainholt99]

Hi. I’m 22 so this really feels like my last shot at uni as I can’t get funding for more. I’m studying in a polytechnic uni in England so not like a Russell group etc, but still a good uni. Also I’m doing law and it’s my first year.

Basically I had a miscarriage at 18 weeks last year that I’ve found awful to cope with, and then last month had one at 7 weeks. I have endometriosis so we have been trying for a baby for 2 years on and off, and I was just going to take a year out of uni when it happened, but I’m finding it so hard to go. I feel really depressed and just detached from everything. I want to go but when I do I just can’t focus anyway and completely zone out into my thoughts.

Will I be kicked out of uni? Does anyone know how I can deal with this better? I’ve signed up for uni counselling but had gp counselling the first time and found it really unhelpful

How likely is it id get kicked off for bad attendance?

Very likely IF you don't speak to them, explain your circumstances and let them arrange support. If you just bury your head in the sand through embarrassment they won't know that you're in a bad place mentally and will have no reason not to think that you're just not interested or engaged. Please speak to them - we're not ogres, we do want our students to succeed.

@Wonkybanana okay, I’ll suck it up and contact them directly then. Thank you!

Different universities have differed rules an procedures around attendance. I'm a lecturer at an ex poly. We don't withdraw on the basis of attendance unless the student has ignored repeat attempts to contact them to discuss - we understand that there are a host of reasons for low engagement in taught sessions, and if a student is still submitting work, we're much less inclined towards losing that student! Worth noting too that even those unis that make loud noises about attendance cannot, in fact, enforce it; you are all adult learners who are choosing to attend the institution. Withdrawals occur when the student does not attend; does not submit work; does not respond to university contact; and always have a clearly stated appeals period once it's communicated to you via post and email.

Speaking too as a personal tutor who is frequently stood up by my students, do email yours and apologise, even if you do not at this time provide an explanation. I've 120 personal tutees and over the year the number of times I sit like a numpty waiting for them does start to grate. An apology would be a professional thing to do.

You sound like you are in a bad place OP. Lots of people I know didn’t go to Uni until they were your age! Why don’t you speak to your Uni, take time off if necessary, finish your degree and then think about starting a family?

Please do talk to your personal tutor or another trusted lecturer or someone in your programme. Uni lecturer here, I would be really upset to know my personal tutees were struggling with something like this. It's what I'm here for. You don't have to go into all the details with your tutor if you don't want to. You can just say you had some health issues over the past year and it has really affected your mental health. I wouldn't press for the details. I'd focus on making sure you got the support you needed to feel better and carry on, if that's what you felt you were ready to do.

I think you need to give some serious thought to what matters most to you. TTC given your health circumstances is massively stressful on it's own so no wonder you're struggling with your mental health. Doing a law degree is also hard work, especially if you're under the extra pressure of this being your last funding for uni. Trying to combine the two is just asking for trouble. You're putting yourelf under way too much pressure here (and I write this as someone who thrives under pressure). You need to focus on one outcome rather than two. Personally I'd concentrate on your degree and then revisit TTC after you've completed your studies. You'll still only be 25 after you graduate. It's not like you're 38 and the clock is ticking. Maybe it will also help to give your body and your mind some time to recover from. I do think you're being a bit naive thinking it's as simple as "I'll take a year off uni if I have a baby". Maybe take a step back and do some hard thinking first.

Talk to your uni, you can do it through the disability services or your tutor. I had severe social anxiety and managed to get permission to work from home while in uni. I was even allowed to take some exams at home. I had to come in for practical, tutorials and some exams. My uni also had video links to lectures so I could watch live at home as the lecture was happening or later. They really do work around you if you need the help and can provide the medical references from your GP. As long as you are not taking the piss they honestly do their best to come up with a plan that meets your needs. Once I stopped forcing myself to go in and went in only on days I was comfortable to and I could prepare well in advance for my compulsory attendance my marks went from 75-80% to +90%, as I could just focus on my work.

I am sorry to hear about your loss, but trying to get pg at the same time as starting a degree course is bonkers