Getting annoyed at DP...

[Letsallcountsheep]

DP and I have a DD(2) currently teaching her peak when it comes to terrible twos tantrums

Normally I would I do 90% of the childcare even when DP is home. I also put her to bed which can be hit or miss whether she goes straight to sleep or not. Nothing major, she stays in bed just calls/cries for me to come back coz she wants cuddles/water/needs a wee/lost her dummy that kind of thing. Occasionally I will ask DP to help settle her, go see what she wants etc. Sometimes she accepts daddy has come and will settle after he goes in others she will scream bloody murder and hit him away until he gets annoyed and walks away (stomping and swearing will follow outside of her room) then has a go at me for asking him help. I then go in a settle her.

So tonight she's been in bed since 7:30, asked to go for a wee twice(without actually weeing) then got upset coz she weed in her pull up so asked me to change her bum. Changed and left. Wanted water once and cuddle. After being called for fir the 7/8th time I asked DP to go up

I hear her screaming at him to go away she wants me etc he storms out of her room screaming "I'm not getting screamed at by a fucking 2 year old" comes down stairs and slams the living room door "that was a fucking great idea wasn't it, I told you she won't want me, I'm sick of being screamed at". I then go up to a hysterical DD calmed her down and am now in our room annoyed. So AIBU to ask for support at bedtime? Or do I just suck it up and accept it? FYI she has sleepovers at my DMs and she goes to bed no problem and she will also go to sleep for DP if I'm not here.

This only happens maybe once a week.

That should have been REACHING her peak of terrible twos

You have 2 toddlers. He should not be losing it like that.

It doesn't sound as though she has a healthy relationship with DP. Perhaps this is the issue that needs to be addressed?

Well his nose is probably a bit out of joint because it's not him he wants and no one likes rejection from anyone especially your own child. He feels defeated.

It’s not great that he lost it, but it’s also not great that she’s ruling the roost!
You need to work together to get her in a routine at bed time where you’re both involved. When she screams at her df don’t go in as you’re just reinforcing her behaviour.

I think it's really hard for both of you to be honest. You because its lots of pressure feeling like you're the only one that can help. And him because it is horrible to be rejected by your child, even if you know its just a phase and they dont mean it etc.

He would have been unreasonable if he'd sworn at her, but I think most parents swear about their kids when they're being difficult.

I think when our daughter was about 2 years 4 months and started to 'get' turn taking we explained that mummy and daddy wanted turns putting her to bed. Did it when she wasn't ill or over tired or anything. The first few nights were a bit tricky but then she liked trying to remember who had done it last night and who's turn it is this night. We've stuck to it rigidly as otherwise she develops a preference that's quite hard to break

Sorry no we have a DD who is 2

I have tried telling him I shouldn't be going in every time she asks as she is just getting her own way. He just says well if she's only going to get upset anyway then I should go in coz she might settle quicker

I understand it must be awful to be rejected all the time for him

He does help with bedtime routine milk, bath, dressed, teeth, then I leave the room and he reads her her bedtime story.

Like I said this is only a problem once a week at most I just get irritated that he's the adult and seems to be competing for the best tantrum

We couldn't take it in turns as DP has 2 work commitments a week so isn't home for bedtime but she knows when daddy is working, she actually never plays up on those nights funnily enough

Your name change means your posts aren't highlighted so people might miss them - you'd need to capitalise the L again I think.

PP meant that your partner is behaving like a toddler too. Although I'd agree that it seems your partner and daughter need to spend more time together and you and him need to be a united front on this.

Thanks I went from the webpage to App and for some reason the NC didn't work

Spending more time together is difficult but I do agree. He doesn't have as much patience as I do. Having said she has him wrapped around her little finger, I'm the one who disciplines her 90% of the time

Thanks I went from the webpage to App and for some reason the NC didn't work. Gone back to webpage instead of the app

Spending more time together is difficult but I do agree. He doesn't have as much patience as I do. Having said she has him wrapped around her little finger, I'm the one who disciplines her 90% of the time

He must be a bit rejected that his child was screaming at him to go away.

They do have very similar personalities and clash even now

I do encourage time alone, I suggested he do the bedtime stories, she doesn't have a bedtime story with anybody else

Toddlers can push your buttons he needs to stay calm, I would be livid at him for his performance but I think it’s a bigger issue than just tonight, he needs to take a more active role in bedtime otherwise she will never want him to settle her. Can bedtime be a family activity, both do bath, both do story so she gets used to you both doing it and being there? What happens if you go out for the night?

We do bedtime routine together when he's here, it's just story they do alone. If I go out it's usually after she's in bed but if I need to go out earlier he will put to bed and she does settle

He has apologised for what he said and his behaviour but it means nothing to me now coz I know it will be the same next time.

One of mine went through a very similar phase for about 6 months (sorry!). If I was around only I could do anything for her. She was perfectly happy with anyone else as long as she knew I wasn’t there. Didn’t even work to hide in the house - she’d find me 🙄

DH did feel rejected. Which was exactly what was happening so not unreasonable! We talked it through with each other because it was equally frustrating for me to be responsible for everything if I was around.

Keep communicating and reassuring each other that it is a phase and it will pass.

She would reject him less if he spent more time with her and did more of the bed time settling. Ok sure fine don't take alternates but whenever he is home then he settles her (without shouting at her). You're right, she's getting her way so she won't stop doing it until that changes.

Don't do bed time together. He does it himself when he's home. He does that enough and she won't reject him anymore.