To not tell DH I know he is smoking again?

[ethelfleda]

He quit 2 years ago, just before DS was born. I smoked before we started TTC and haven’t since.

Thought I’d caught a whiff of stale smoke occasionally but thought nothing of it (naive I know!)

Anyway - just vacuumed under the sofa cushions and found an empty cigarette box there. He just came in and got in to the shower immediately (been happening a lot) so sniffed his clothes and definitely got a whiff of cigarette smoke.

But I’m considering not telling him I know... mainly because I’m worried if it ‘comes out’ that he will just go back to smoking full time again and in front of me and DS. Whereas if he continues to try and hide it from me, at least he will have motivation to quit or either at least not smoke as much.

WWYD??

Don't tell him

Yes I would continue to play dumb.

As someone has been the secret smoker, I’d go with not saying anything.

When DP said he knew I’d started smoking again, I went back to smoking as normal, rather than just the odd one when he wasn’t home.

I've been playing dumb with DH for about six years now. He never smokes when with me or with our son, only out in his shed when he's home without us or very late at night when I've gone to bed. I've seen the rubbish bin. He must know I've seen it. But we continue in blissful ignorance

50% of smokers will die as a direct result of their habit. So I suppose it depends how keen you are on DH’s continued survival, OP.
I used to do the sedation for the diagnostic bronchoscopy list to diagnose lung cancer in my hospital. I still remember the awful Christmas Eve list one year, when all six patients (smokers) turned out to have cancer.
The poor respiratory physician was trying to decide whether it was worse to leave them in suspense until after Christmas, or tell them the result and warn them there was a higher than 90% chance it would be their last Christmas.

50% of smokers will die as a direct result of their habit. So I suppose it depends how keen you are on DH’s continued survival, OP

Exactly - I’m a bit annoyed he has been lying obviously but the biggest issue here is that I care about his health! I’m trying to decide whether he is more likely to quit if I don’t say anything or quit if I do!

The annoying this is, I told him the other day that I had gotten a quote for BUPA for him and DS (I already have it through work) and told him how much it would be based on him not smoking or using nicotine products for the past two years. He said nothing.

I’ve put the cigarette packet back under the cushion in the meantime.
I have had a small feeling in the past he may have read some of my MN posts as well so it’ll be interesting to see if he suddenly comes clean

Would I be a complete idiot to tell him I know, but just try and be supportive (rather than cross) and tell him that I will help him quit again??
I don’t want ya to fall out and after all, I know as well as anyone how hard it is to quit!

Well that was a quick change of heart OP.

Do whatever you need to do!!

I was in this situation with an ex. I ended up telling him I knew and once he has been rumbled he smoked more than ever. So yes, I would say don't tell him!