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AIBU?

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Original poster

What to do with elderly neighbours hungry cat?

55 replies

LittleMissMe99 · 10/11/2019 13:36

So, my elderly neighbour has a cat. She is 93 and has been in hospital for a week. She told me previously her daughter in law hates cats, but would feed her if anything happened. Anyway, it's been a week (I've not heard how she is) and the little cat keeps running in our house starving. It's not being fed I don't think. She's a small thin cat anyway, but even thinner now. My husband decided to feed her. Which would be fine, except my youngest daughter (aged 8) is deathly afraid of cats. So she can't live here! The minute we open the door she runs in, and has now discovered the small window for my dryer. So I can't put that on without her appearing. She's a beautiful, affectionate little cat (2 years old maybe?) But my daughter won't come downstairs in case she's here. I'm not sure what to do, as I suspect the neighbour won't come out of hospital. I read about spraying her with water, but it feels cruel. Suggestions please?

OP posts:
Dollymixture22 · 10/11/2019 16:15

Please don’t spray a neglected tiny cat with water. Why would you ever do this? Poor thing is hungry and lonely.

Your husband’s instincts are right, if there is an animal suffering; you do what you can to help. That is an important lesson for your daughter. Even if she dislikes cats. She also needs to learn cats won’t hurt her, ot this irrational fear could follow her into adulthood.

If you can’t have the cat in your home, keep feeding it. Does it have a catflap to get into next door? Leave a note taped to the neighbours front door, explaining you are concerned about the cats welfare and asking them to ring you, If no one answers in a couple of days then call your local shelter.

But don’t scare he little cat please.

InfiniteSheldon · 10/11/2019 16:16

Please don't call a rescue centre and possibly break an elderly ladies heart talk to your daughter she can learn a very valuable lesson about empathy here

Bluetrews25 · 10/11/2019 16:19

Can you advise DD just to ignore the cat? One day it may come and nuzzle up to her and they could end up best buddies.
Disclaimer - may be talking bollocks as I am a dog person.

QuantumEntanglement · 10/11/2019 16:26

Please dont call a rescue centre and possibly break an elderly ladies heart talk to your daughter she can learn a very valuable lesson about empathy here

Yes, do leave the cat to starve and freeze to death so the elderly lady won’t get upset about a rescue service actually doing something to care for it.
Are you for real?

crosstalk · 10/11/2019 16:30

OP Agree that you should contact the owner's relatives or find them out from a neighbour. It's getting very cold, so even putting out a plastic box with insulation and a door would help the cat ... with food and water nearby. Perhaps your DD could help? If none of this works, then the Cat Protection League.

afternoonspray · 10/11/2019 16:34

If you explain to your daughter how lonely and hungry the cat is and how much she needs someone to care for her, it might help her stop being afraid. Tell her she doesn't need to touch the cat but come and look at it, and if the cat runs towards her it;s because she is lonely and wnats a friend, and she has silky fur. DS2 used to be terrified of dogs, then one day we had a family emergency and a friend had to look after DC on the day her new puppy arrived. He's never been scared of dogs since.

squee123 · 10/11/2019 16:37

definitely a good chance to help your daughter get over her fear. A fear of cats can be a huge issue in later life. My mother in law has never been to visit us at home because we have cats (they predate my husband) and she's been terrified of them since she was a child. I find it really sad that she's never been to see her son's marital home because she is so scared of cats.

Dollymixture22 · 10/11/2019 16:40

Slightly off topic, but why the hell did a lady of this advanced age get a kitten. Surely she knew it would outlive her.

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 10/11/2019 16:44

Not off topic at all. It was selfish and thoughtless of her and if the cat is left to starve how is that better than being rehomed?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 10/11/2019 17:40

It might have been bought for her to "keep her company" , maybe by the DH of the Cat Hating DIL ?

Dollymixture22 · 10/11/2019 17:48

If it was a present it was a bloody stupid one. And whoever bought it should be round caring for the poor little mite.

I don’t understand how people can be so immune to animals suffering.

Even the original poster on this thread is more concerned with keeping to poor little thing out of her house than actually helping. At least her husband has some decency.

crosspelican · 10/11/2019 18:08

Thank you @Thefemalekeithrichards ! When I got the notification that I had been mentioned I was sure that I was getting my arse handed to me for some reason as so often happens! Grin

BoomyBooms · 10/11/2019 18:16

I was terrified of dogs until my parents bought us one. Try to encourage your daughter down perhaps? She doesn't have to love cats but it's a bit of a life skill to be able to walk past one or exist in the same room as one... That little cat really needs your help right now!

Alsohuman · 10/11/2019 18:16

Do give over @Dollymixture22, the cat’s there now, it needs to be warm, fed and loved.

Dollymixture22 · 10/11/2019 18:50

Give over yourself😊. I have as much right to Voice a view as you do.

InfiniteSheldon · 10/11/2019 19:06

Of course I'm for real you idiot where on my post does it say leave the cat to starve? Reread it without your muppet glasses on I clearly mean her to feed and care for the cat hence suggesting teaching dd some empathy

ColaFreezePop · 10/11/2019 19:09

@Dollymixture22 my DP's cat was originally an old lady's cat. It was given to the old lady to give her some comfort by her carer. The carer was suppose to look after the cat when the old lady died, but as the carer didn't look after the cat properly my DP just took her.

OP the cat may actually have someone who is suppose to have her if your neighbour passes away. Hence leave a note and get your husband to feed the cat etc before getting in touch with any form of shelter. Also you are best working on your daughter's fears of domestic animals otherwise it will make life more difficult than it needs to be when older.

Dollymixture22 · 10/11/2019 19:17

Ok I feel like I am getting a lot of grief here. I did suggest leaving a note to see if someone was supposed to be caring for the cat. I have also strongly advocated that the OP takes care of the cat until a permanent solution can be found,

I am sorry if my view is unpopular but I stand by it, it is irresponsible for a woman in her nineties to have a two year old cat. People are correct it may have been a present. However, regardless of the circumstances there should be a plan on place to ensure the cat is well cared for. It doesn’t sound like there is in this case.

ViciousJackdaw · 10/11/2019 19:47

Is your dryer in a futility room by any chance? If so, could you simply keep that closed off to your DD and perhaps stick a blanket and a dish in there (and probably some newspaper on the floor too...)

I do agree that this is the perfect opportunity to help DD get over her dear of cats though. I mean, what does she do when she has to walk past one in the street? Plus, it is coming up to Christmas and I don't know if you are anti-Bible stories but if not, I suppose there's a parallel to be drawn between the Nativity and the little mog with nowhere to go.

Honeyroar · 10/11/2019 19:57

Yes, I agree, it's a perfect opportunity to get your daughter over her fear of cats (where on earth did she get that from at such a young age?). It is a shame that such an elderly lady took on a young cat, but it's here, it's hungry and the weather is getting colder... You're doing a kind thing if you can help the little thing until the lady is out of hospital. If it's really a pain could you ask the relative if they could leave you a key or leave the porch/shed open?

Thefemalekeithrichards · 10/11/2019 20:09

@crosspelican

I know that feeling haha !

Have a hug 😻

Original poster
LittleMissMe99 · 10/11/2019 20:11

She rescued it herself. It was abandoned.

OP posts:
Original poster
LittleMissMe99 · 10/11/2019 20:13

Thank you all. There is no cat flap so I think we are all the poor thing has got. My daughter is gone in a flash as soon as she sees her, so it's tricky as I can't get them in the same room. I might do as someone suggested and feed her in the shed? At least it's dry in there and I could get a little bed for her.

OP posts:
Dollymixture22 · 10/11/2019 20:31

Op, not sure what the weather is like with you, but it’s very cold here, there was a hard frost last night.

The little cat should really not be sleeping outside tonight. Could you let it sleep downstairs once your daughter is alseep?

A cosy bed in the shed might be fine, you can get little microwaveable heat pads for cats, I use them in the winter and they stay warm for 12 hours.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 10/11/2019 20:32

Do you know if she's been neutered and micro chipped?
She might not be if she's been a house cat (and the lady might not have been in the position to arrange it)

Cat Protection League would give you advice on the legalities .
You know the cat has an owner .
You don't know if the cat is being fed apart from yourself .

If you put a note through the door ( don't stick it on the outside , don't advertise the fact her house is empty) the DIL will see it if she calls round .
Being in a shed will get her out of the cold and give her shelter but no company .
Or if she's un-neutered , she won't be alone for long !

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