To lose patience with flaky people?

[Squarinup]

Friend told me on the day (around midday) that they couldn’t make my dinner party. It was a great night in the end but spent a fortune on wine and prep and so annoyed by the thoughtlessness. This isn’t the first time and they don’t ever miss any events organised by them, or which are easy to get to (eg not having to trek to someone’s house). I am fuming! Excuse was really flimsy. I don’t know what to say back

Bump

Do you think there’s more of a reason behind it? I’ve got a friend who struggles with certain social events so will often cancel but never cancels me coming to her house but I tend to be prepared for it and I know there’s a reason behind it.

Yep. I had a evening thing once, nothing flash, buffet style but id bought for 8. 2 peope came. The other 6 all texted during the afternoon with excuses that ranged from 'i forgot we' ll be out all afternoon so just want to veg' to 'am hungover'. Its massively inconsiderate.

I have a friend who will never put herself out for anyone. If she does show up she needs lots of gratitude for it as there’s always a story as to how hard it’s been to get there. No anxiety issues or anything, she can always turn up to her current favourite’s events without any hassle.

I don’t ask her anymore, to save all the song and dance, I just place her in the can’t be counted upon category and make more time for others who make time for me!

Just don't invite them again.

You have my sympathy, they are incredibly annoying. My SIL is a delightful person but utterly flakey about making plans. She gets herself double or triple booked and then let’s people (usually me) down. I’d much rather she just said “I can’t do that date, can we do the weekend before/after”?

I have a friend who was really flaky and it used to drive me mad. Turns out she was suffering from anxiety and depression and found it really hard to leave the house.

Be kind.

I know its hurtful but maybe just dont invite that person to anything again.

Irony is I have been that person - ridden with anxiety and depression! But have always made an effort and pushed mysekf when it was a close friend or someone who I knew had made a huge effort

OP, exactly. I suffer from anxiety and depression and CFS, but yet still try to make the effort to meet up.

I had something similar after a bbq some years ago and never invited them over again as a lot of money had been spent getting food in and time had been spent in preparation.

Can’t not invite again as lives too closely intertwined / same group. I am so angry!!!!

On these kinds of threads there's always a bunch of people jumping in to defend the flaky person citing social anxiety, etc.

If this were the case - explain this to your friends so that when you let them down yet again at the last minute they can at least try and understand.

Or if you don't want to tell them - then don't bloody commit to things knowing that time, effort and money will be spent and you'll more than likely flake on them at the last minute.

To continually bin people off when you've made or agreed plans, with some shit excuse, is bad manners.

What is an appropriate reply?

Considering how close she lives etc you'll have to invite her. That said, id give her the invite (so technically shes invited) but then not push the subject with her. Id theb take it as a given that she doesnt turn up

Do they invite you to dinner parties?

Are they flaky with other people?

Don’t invite again. I wouldn’t. If it’s a group thing, assume they won’t show or make something you can freeze.