To be fed up of dp putting the phone down on me any time there's a hint of conflict?

[TubsGlory]

It's driving me mad. I just said something that clearly pissed him off (hes helping out with retiling my bathroom and i asked him if he could wipe up any adhesive spillages in the bathroom whilst they are wet as I had to spend ages yesterday chipping it off the bath before I could use it)
He clearly felt I was taking the piss and being ungrateful and put the phone down. He does this any time there is a hint of us not agreeing on something and it's really beginning to wind me up. I feel like I'm not allowed an opinion or to voice it.
I'm not an argumentative person. I don't want to tell at him or fight but the minute I say anything he doesn't like he hangs up or says "bye then" and puts the phone down.

YANBU its a passive aggressive way of saying "shut the fuck up"

Why have these converstaions on the phone? Face to face

Randomly hang up on him when he's in the middle of a long conversation.

He is helping you , why arent you there helping him by wiping up the spills
I would hang up on you too ...after telling you to do your own tiling

What happens if you have a conversation like that in person?

The bathroom is not big enough for the both of us. We tried that and agreed it wasn't practical. I also said that I'm happy to clean up once he's done if he lets me know he's finished.
This is just one example and he hasn't always been like this. He does it all the time at the moment and then denies any knowledge of it. We rarely fught/argue either so it's not like he's trying to prevent that.

Well it's fair warning of the kind of person he is.

Do you want that kind of life, is the real question.

It sounds like you don't live together or have DC. How long have you been together?

Depending on how invested you are and how the relationship is otherwise, it's ultimatum time. Either you go to counselling together to sort this issue, or he is dumped.

You can't build a good relationship with a person whose response to being told something they don't like is to blank you. You can't move forward as a team. You can't parent well. There's no point.

I would calmly tell him the above. It isn't something you can accept, if he thinks his behaviour is just fine and he's happy with it, that's his prerogative, in which case... Bye Felipe.

Honestly, i'd save difficult or awkward conversations for when you are together.

I always used to ambush my teenage kids on a car journey so they couldn't escape ;)

My DH threatens to leave me most time we argue.

He is an emotionally immature twat and he cannot have an adult disagreement, this is due to a very dysfunctional childhood.

However he used to pack all his stuff and I would beg him not to.

He now threatens it, I ignore him, he calms down and then we have a calm adult discussion.

Yes it’s hard work

I absolutely can't stand this! Thankfully dh has prob only done it twice in 6.5 years but it gives me the rage.

YANBU. It’s annoying at best, controlling at worst. What happens after he puts the phone down? Does he come to his senses and apologise and you have a normal grown up conversation? Or do you have to apologise to him for whatever it was you said?

That is a very clear message ''I will not hear you. You will not be heard''.

Do you think he does it deliberately to ‘win’ the argument, or does he pathologically avoid conflict?

If the latter and you relationship is good in other ways, I’d be inclined to try and get him to couple’s counselling. My DH was like this and it took around 10 years and actually leaving him to get him to go therapy and the issue was fixed in ONE SESSION. Seriously, no problems since. It was a fear of conflict and once he had been shown a simple way to actually bloody talk about things that were upsetting him, he had no need to do it again.

I don't think he does it to win, I think he can't bear arguments, but we've had about 4 argument over a 7 year relationship so I dont get his logic. His parents argued a lot so I wonder if it's down to that

Counselling then! And pronto.

No discussion - well, the discussion would be, do you want to come to counselling or do you want to be single again

I personally couldn't stand DP hanging up on me (which he no longer does) I think he needs to learn to talk to you. You both need to talk to each other.

Totally unacceptable behaviour.

My ex used to do this too. I don't shout or anything like that. He did it if he didn't like what I was saying.

He also used to try and kiss me to shut me up if we were face to face. I told him he may as well just put his hand over my mouth, it was the same thing.

Notice I did say ex...

I would do it - hang up - to avoid a 20 minute ranty-tant.

DH likes to argue, I don't.

He only needs to say it once, I will get on with it. If I stay on the phone: the job does not get done and I listen for aaaaaaaaaaaages being told what I should be doing, and how I should be doing it, getting fed up whilst he goes over the same ground 26 times.

we are different, we can both live with that - have done for 20years and counting