Friend uses me as a diary

[Phoenixxx]

I don't want to sound ungrateful because I know these days there are so many people who don't stay in contact etc.
But I have a friend who lives in another country, we message every day but these days I have less time to reply as I am out the house for 13 hours most days.
When I get back i'm zonked and often falling asleep in front of the TV by 9.

There is a different time zone and when I turn my phone on in the morning I often wake up to 7 different messages from her. She has actually joked before that I am her diary and she will literally write to me whatever comes into her head.

I get messages like 'oh I think I left my gym bag at home.' 'Oh actually no I didn't'.

She will send me 3 different YouTube videos a day and I rarely have time to watch them.
I will often wake up to 6 different paragraphs all about different subjects and I don't know where to start.

At the moment she has a crush on someone who has a girlfriend and her messages are largely 'signs' he likes her.

One day I was moving house, I had to have the house empty the next day. She wanted to message to discuss a guy she liked and I replied politely that I would but I was literally moving the next day. She took it badly and sent me 7 'thumbs up' in a row on Facebook.

Would you say something ? I'm grateful she wants to be in contact and I am happy to give her advice but I feel sometimes that she expects me to be 'on call' and sometimes i'm just too tired or busy.

My sister and I do this to each other. We're very close and if something daft comes into my head I'll send her it without necessarily expecting a reply.

I'd ignore messages until its convenient for you to respond - don't even open them if you're busy. Reply only to the ones that actially merit a response. If she starts to get pissy or passive agressive with you, tell her straight.

She is treating you like a husband but how weird that she can't just have these thoughts in her head only but have to send them to another. Bizarre behaviour.

Direct her here! She can post all sorts of crap to her hearts content.

I juggle 20 different things a day I could not be doing with this at all! It'd drive me wild. I'd reply that "Wow X listen! I've got x and x and x on at the moment a bit busy to be reading all that" then I'd only reply when I had the time - to the stuff I thought was worth replying to.

She sounds about 15.

Ask her where the unsubscribe link is.

You seem to think that you should be grateful that she wants to be your friend!

Does she have many friends in real life?

I have a friend like this. She is disabled and spends a lot of times indoors as she isn’t very mobile. I do feel bad for her and help her out as much as I can. It was getting to the point where I was being bombarded with messages. I’m talking about 20 messages a day and calling me for little things like picking up charity bags, going to the post office for her. I have 3 dc and work full time. I had to take a step back when it got to the point where I was waking up and dreading her messages.

For your own sake, talk to her and if she doesn’t chill out, you need to take a massive step back

My DM sometimes does this (for no good reason as she lives with my Dad and has loads of friends). I just ignore her particularly inane comments and, if she later says “you didn’t reply to my messages” I say “gosh, I’m so sorry. Remind me what the question was..” which forces her to admit that there was no question or point to her comment. She never admits to bombarding me with silly points but I think she does occasionally see that actually no reply was actually necessary.

Turn off notifications for her posts, then read them once a day and reply to the questions. Is she lonely? Or is this a bad habit she’s got into.

Mute the FB conversation for 24 hours at a time, it’s a godsend of a feature.

Sounds like a bit of a one sided friendship

I have someone like this is in a group WhatsApp. 90% of the group share things of interest or share info on events/meet-ups, 1 person over shares pics of their meals, a new rug they bought, or random conversations they had without ever using the spell check function on their phone They largely get ignored, or the occasional wtf comment. But in a group is different. I can see how frustrating it can be when only you are expected to reply.

I have a friend who is also like this. Doesn’t really bother me. When I am too busy or bored to reply I just ignore the messages. Works fine for both of us.

Maybe block her for a bit? For your own sanity

A friend of mine used to do similar. It was a sign that she was lonely. I just ignored the rambling and replied to those that I wanted to at a time that suited me. Eventually she got more of a social life and it calmed down and went back to normal.

I had a similar type thing with a friend of mine.

In the end, I just started throwing stuff back at her so for instance if she said she thought she had vertigo, i'd say I think I might have arthritis. Oddly enoughly, that would shut her up, it was like she didn't know how to respond to some information i'd imparted.

She hardly ever does it now. It's so tedious and self absorbed.

Tell her straight
She needs to put this crap on Farcebook or some such.

@GetOffTheTableMabel gives great advice.

I muted a WhatsApp group due to hundreds of messages from one friend. And all her videos and photos. Had to remove it from auto download to my phone, as some months I had more photos of her kids and pets than of mine! She is lovely but there were times I'd not look for days and see 70 messages (mostly her between friends). I don't have time for that. If I'm busy, I'm busy.... She'll ring me if it's urgent. I look when I've time

It's ok to make yourself less available, mute the convo. and dont read them except last few when you glance or have time . You wouldn't read junk mail, so why read her junk texts?
And if there is an urgent question hidden amongst all the texts she'll repeat or ask you, then you say "no time to read all those messages, what was the important one?"

When my mum sent me 10 long messages in a row one day which was all 'fluff and what they ate for dinner' stuff (she exceeded even her Personal Best), I replied "who dis? Tolkien?! 🙈" 😂 😁 😁

1 thumbs up is fine, 7 are passive aggressive and sarcastic

It might be if you did them but if I did that it definitely wouldn’t be aggressive and sarcastic. It be ‘oh no, so sorry. I forgot!’ Extra emphasis on the 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

No wonder so many posters are in a continuous state of ‘being offended’

I don’t know if narcissistic is the right word, but she sounds really self-absorbed! Why would she think you’d be interested in every mundanity that goes through her head? Why is she offended that you having a life means you don’t have endless time to chat about what she wants to discuss? I’d just continue to not reply to the things you have no interest in and be upfront if she raises it.

If you like her, then tell her how you feel. If you aren't bothered, then disengage.

Just tell her to stop texting you because you’re in different time zones and it disturbs you. If she tells you to put it on silent... tell her I don’t need to, because you’re the only person who disturbs me and I’m telling you to stop. The messages you send me aren’t even conversation starters. Just email me instead please. And block her number before you go to bed, then unblock it when you get up. Delete any messages that don’t need a response.

Buy her a journal for Christmas so she can offload in writing to herself

Borntobequiet so did I, thought what's she doing? Milking her?