To tell him his behaviour was unacceptable?

[Kavita76]

My daughter are I are very close to a mum friend and her daughter. Both girls are 3 years olds. We were on a play date at their house when friends DH appeared and said to my daughter, if you hit my daughter, I will send you to Pakistan and if you carry on hitting her, I will send you to Afghanistan. My daughter and her friend often get into scraps and hit each other, infact my friend's daughter has left teeth marks on my daughter after biting her twice. I don't see this as anything out of the ordinary, just usual toddler behaviour. My friend and I are very aware of this and deal with it appropriately.

I am quite cross about the DHs comment. Firstly, the threat/fear put on a 3 year old that they will be sent away if there is any altercation between the two friends. Secondly, the implied assumption that it is only my daughter who does the hitting and not his. Thirdly, the racist and prejudiced undertone of the statement. This is totally unacceptable. My daughter has since then been asking me what Pakistan and Afghanistan are. I have explained they are other countries.

I am bewildered that anybody with any sense would say such a thing and moreover to impressionable young children. With the world the way it is at the moment do we need our future generations to be raised with such prejudiced views of the world around us? I for one am raising my daughter to embrace people from all walks of life without any prejudice. We live in an area where there is a vast mix of race and religions. He grew up in the same area and really ought to know better. I don't want my daughter's mind to be filled with negative opinions about any culture etc. Would IBU to let him know I was not happy with his comment and to not scare my daughter again? WWYD?

Of course you wouldn't be unreasonable to say you're not happy with it, when you're not. Xx

That’s a pretty vile thing to say to a 3 year old . I would definitely tell the parents that this overstepping boundaries and I would also reconsider if I wanted my DC to play in a home where she was being spoken to like that.
I wouldn’t go as far as no longer letting my DC playing with that girl but perhaps shift to only hold play dates at your home?

I would stop going to their house and tell him why and that you are upset. Would you mind if she and her mum always came to you?

Not sure I’d be having as many play dates with them 😬 unfortunately racism is a learnt behaviour.
Plus the behaviour of your kids seems rather extreme for friends that enjoy time together?! None of mine have behaved like this with friends at 3.

Yes, I was thinking that that I wouldn't expect that level of aggression between 3 year olds on a playdate. At 18 months, maybe. That's no criticism of your DD, just maybe a suggestion that this isn't a very happy "friendship" for her.

Of course he shouldn’t be saying that. It doesn’t sound very usual for your three year olds to be fighting, though.

Sounds weird. Not agreeing with him saying what he did but perhaps he's sick of your 3year old at his house fighting his child.
I'd not be having playdates if my child and the other were fighting each other.

Could he have said those countries simply because they're far away, like stop hitting my child or I'll send you to the north pole, would that be less offensive?