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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to bypass Christmas this year?

27 replies

Enoughnow12 · 09/11/2019 23:52

I just don't want to do it. Any part of it. I know I'll sound like a grinch, a scrooge but I have serious mental health problems that I am really struggling with and I just can't face it. I don't have much family and those that I do have are very fractured, many people not speaking to each other. Whoever I spend it with, someone will be let down and sad and will definitely let me know how disappointed they are. I don't have a lot of money at all to spend on gifts for people, much as I would like to buy lovely presents for people. I just feel like I really can't face it this year. Over the last couple of weeks the adverts and the shopping and it's all started and I just want it to all go away.

OP posts:

onthecoins · 09/11/2019 23:55

I'm with you. I'm already stressed even thinking about it.

I'm not leaving my house this year for the first time in 20 years. I'm going to spend the day watching drag race in my pyjamas, and will order a curry when it opens in the evening.

Original poster

Enoughnow12 · 10/11/2019 00:01

Yeah I feel really stressed thinking about it and then I say to myself that I won't think about it and then I feel more stressed because I can't not think about it.

Also another issue is that every year it seems more and more commercial and less about spending time with people that you love. It feels so showy and a bit of a competition about what different people have.

OP posts:

Sparklesocks · 10/11/2019 00:01

I think it’s quite a common feeling. There can be a lot of pressure to spend money and it’s difficult when you have a less than easy relationship with your family. I hope it’s as painless as possible for you.

FourQuarters · 10/11/2019 00:05

But, OP, isn’t part of your problem the fact that more than one set of ‘people you love’ have clashing ideas about where you spend Christmas, and you want to give more expensive presents than you can afford?

But of course you can skip it. It’s not compulsory. Live in a multicultural area, and you’ll see large numbers of people having an ordinary day, opening their businesses as usual etc. Do whatever you feel like.

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 10/11/2019 00:07

If you don't want to do it don't (and it doesn't make you a grinch or scrooge) plenty of people don't for a number of reasons. I will be this year as it's my DD first Christmas but in previous years I've deliberately worked overtime (shift worker in 24/7 service) and the first year after my XH left in the Nov as it was to late to volunteer to work I pretended to be ill with a tummy bug and stayed at home alone with a tin of quality street and a duvet on the sofa and actually had a lovely relaxing day. If I'm honest I can take or leave Christmas and like many possibly yourself included I do it out of a sense of duty, obligation and because it's expected. Do what suits you and what best takes care of your mental health it's just another day after all

WTF0ver · 10/11/2019 00:09

Me too. I'm so over the present buying. Will only be doing it for family this year but even that is stressful.

IamPickleRick · 10/11/2019 00:11

YANBU. I was depressed a few years back and Christmas was the worst time for me, it just reflected back all the things I didn’t have in my life at the time, like a stable family or friends who cared. You won’t feel like this every year. Could you shut off social media over the Xmas period and kind of hole up with all the little things that bring you happiness. I remember (prechildren) sitting in my room just watching dvds and eating nuts and sleeping all day till it was over. Lazy but restorative!

NomDeQwerty · 10/11/2019 00:17

Just don't. It's quite empowering.
Have the whole thing your way.
There's nothing compulsory about Christmas.

user764329056 · 10/11/2019 00:17

Am no lover of Christmas either for all sorts of reasons, the inescapable marketing brings me out in a cold sweat, even if you want to stay detached from it it’s hard to avoid from now to 25 Dec, no-one really needs anything, everyone mostly buys as they want throughout the year so the mass consumerism just seems so greedy, wasteful and unethical

Original poster

Enoughnow12 · 10/11/2019 00:22

@FourQuarters part of the problem is that whoever I spend it with it leaves someone feeling really sad and disappointed and also on their own for Christmas. I know that I am lucky to have someone to spend it with. But the upset and heartache it causes having to "pick" makes me want to bypass the entire thing as it overshadows it all tbh. As for presents, it's not really about wanting to buy more expensive presents than I can, I will struggle financially to buy decent presents for anyone. My presents will look a bit pathetic really next to other people's as I just don't have the money.

OP posts:

Original poster

Enoughnow12 · 10/11/2019 00:27

Thanks for your kind reply @TheArtfulScreamer1 I worked the past 5 years but cannot work this year. I found it easier to work it, bypass it all and spend it with colleagues who are also friends.

Tbh I think if it wouldn't cause an uproar than I would volunteer for shelter or somewhere like that but the repercussions would be huge.

OP posts:

Chunkers · 10/11/2019 00:29

I have bypassed Christmas for a few years now. I still put up some decorations and have a nice dinner and splash out on a decent bottle of wine. The relief of no longer doing the anxiety filled Christmas present shopping was immense. I might do a couple of cards this year for older relatives, but that will be it.

TheArtfulScreamer1 · 10/11/2019 00:31

We don't have a lot of money this year due to me being on maternity I've been honest with people and explained we're skint and said either don't get us we won't get you or token less than £10 gift for the kids or for the close relatives I've done cheap photo gifts of DD. Everyone has been more than understanding and dare I say relieved in a lot of cases. Honesty often is the best policy.

AwkwardFucker · 10/11/2019 00:52

Do you have kids? Tbh if I didn’t I would skip it forever. I loathe the commercialism of Christmas and having to spend money I don’t have. But the magic of Christmas is one of my favourite childhood memories and I want my kids to have that.

We are cutting back hugely on present this year though, they are getting one each, and a couple of little token stocking fillers. I’m going to try and do the magic bit by baking, decorating, driving around looking at lights etc.

Original poster

Enoughnow12 · 10/11/2019 00:52

@Chunkers what do your family and friends think? That sounds great to be honest.

I just want peacefulness and quiet and rest. Not rushing around like a mad thing. I have excruciating social anxiety so I really struggle with Christmas shopping I can't really be around that many people at the same time. I will try and do as much online as possible.

OP posts:

Stillfunny · 10/11/2019 01:04

I wish I could avoid it this year too.Used to love it , but now kids are adults and it marks the first Xmas since I found out about DH cheating. Shit Xmas last year as his head was elsewhere. Not looking forward to any of it. Too sad .

OP, could you host everyone all together?

Chunkers · 10/11/2019 01:06

I usually get invites to go somewhere, even a random work colleague invited me one year, which was very kind. I just politely decline. They do think I am a bit wired, but I bet a tiny part of them is secretly jealous.

I just feel there is such a huge pressure on people to have this perfect day, but really, it’s just another day (unless you are religious). I do admit, it can feel weird being on your own and the world outside is a bit quieter, but it is just another day with particularly shit TV.

Chunkers · 10/11/2019 01:07

Not wired, weird

UnderperformingSeal · 10/11/2019 01:18

Every year. Every year I think I would just love to not bother with it at all. I honestly wouldn't miss a single thing about it. And I don't even do the dinner and everything attached to it, that's my DM. The only reason I keep going is because I suspect that if I didn't it would break her heart.

That said, I always find a reason to enjoy it...

Original poster

Enoughnow12 · 10/11/2019 01:20

I'm glad I'm not the only one!

I genuinely just can't be bothered with the whole thing. I don't want to upset anyone or hurt anyones feelings (hence why I'm not bypassing the whole thing) but if I had it my way I would wake up tomorrow on about January 3rd!

OP posts:

scaryteacher · 10/11/2019 09:11

I've just moved back from Belgium, where Christmas is celebrated, but you don't see the mounds of stuff in the shops that appears here. They are more focussed on St Nicholas which is at the beginning of December. It makes for a quieter time.

FemininPluriel · 10/11/2019 09:22

If I didn’t have children, I wouldn’t bother with it at all.

Think I’d just go for a walk somewhere nice and then come home and eat, drink and watch films.

ControversialFerret · 10/11/2019 09:57

We don't do present buying at all anymore, which makes things much less stressful.

We put a tree and decorations up, get nice food in, and lock the doors and relax by seeing nobody else. It's bloody brilliant

CherryPavlova · 10/11/2019 10:07

Have you considered volunteering at Christmas to join with others to provide Christmas Day to the elderly and lonely? There are events in most areas and help is always gratefully received. They are usually lovely, jolly events free from family pressures.

Fr0zenFl0werz · 10/11/2019 11:36

I was abroad during Halloween
I didn't see anything Halloween related in shops or any celebrations

It was lovely !

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