Would this piss you off?

[Cheesestrings123]

DH and I both work full time, in full on corporate jobs. Since DS was born 3 years ago, I rarely bring work home on the weekends, largely because I don't get the opportunity to do it with DS in the house. However if it's something major that I really need to work on, I do it after DS has gone to bed and then work until the early hours on some occasions (in a quiet room with no distractions and no breaks)

DH doesn't ever do this, he will log on and do it when he wants, with distractions in the background, and in the last few months particularly, will spend half the weekend "working". Today for example. He got up at 9 (I woke up with DS at 7). He spent a few hours mulling around cooking breakfast, watching TV, playing with DS for 15 mins, shaved his beard and made lunch. At 1pm-ish, he takes out his laptop and parks up in the living room in front of the TV, feet up on the coffee table and laptop on his lap.

TV in the living room has been on all day. I've mainly stayed in the other room with DS, but the many times I've gone in to the living room , DH has been watching TV while casually typing, or is on his phone.

Since DS has been in bed, which was 3 hours ago, I have been sat in the same living room reading my book, and in that time he has been watching TV and going on his phone at least every 10/15 minutes, before returning to his laptop to continue typing.

I don't mind him working, I genuinely don't. It's the half-heartedness approach to it. He's been logged on for over 9 hours and he has only left the sofa to either go to the loo or to get food from the kitchen. But I can guarantee that by dipping in and out of watching TV and messing around on his phone, his actual productivity has been crap.
In my view, he should go into a quiet room, just knock out what he needs to get done, and then spend some time with DS, or do something else worthy of doing on a weekend. I guess it bothers me because there's no way I'd be able the do the same with DS in the house, nor would I think it's fair on my partner if I did the same.

Anyway I've just seen him go on his phone again and have asked him how much longer he's going to be, admittedly it might have come across as a bit annoyed, which he's picked up on and is now huffing and puffing typing away on his laptop. I'm going to bed

AIBU to have found this irritating?

Sounds like he’s using work as an excuse not to parent.

^yup.

He needs to make himself an office. I’d make communal spaces work free zones.

What is your actual problem that you want resolved? It mostly sounds like you want to police how he approaches tasks which isn't fair. If the real issue is you'd like to spend more time together or that he doesn't play with the children enough, that's what you need to be bringing up rather than that you don't like how he works.

Yeah he’s behaving like he has zero parenting responsibilities. Just selfish.

It’ll be hard but you need to have a proper conversation about fairness and division of labour - which includes him not short-changing your DS in order to lazily mish-mash work and tv for hours.

Are you saying you don't like his way of working or that it means he gets out of parenting? Because if it's the former, Yabu, I love working that way because it doesn't feel like working. Latter, Yanbu.

Yep. Totally been there and it's infuriating. I think the most annoying part is not knowing when they are "with you as a family" and when not. You've got to tell him it's not on. Now I say I need to know how long you're going to be working vs. When you're with us so I can plan the day. Then half tv half work can occur after kids bedtime.

Yeah, if some work is more important than the kids (which, on rare occasions is acceptable) then it's important enough to give it your full attention. If it's not that important or there's not so much of it you don't need a full undistracted day to work on it than it can wait till after the kids are in bed.

To be honest, it seems unkind to your child who will know he is there and want to play and it seems disrespectful to you to leave you with sole parenting duties while he basically watches TV.

It's both as they are both interlinked . I dont like his way of working because it gets him out of parenting and helping me. As I'm sure many on here will know, it's hard work entertaining a boisterous toddler all day by yourself

Prior to DS it never happened as he was in a different job which was not as busy as the one he is in now. I'm not sure if I'd be as annoyed if it wasn't for the fact we have DS and it was just me, but at this moment in our lives it just feels ...unfair

Set some boundaries. Perhaps you can both work a bit if needed on a Saturday, keep it to max 3 hours daytime then after dc in bed. Both dont work a Sunday. Take turns for bath and bed. If you are up from 7am then when dh gets up at 9am you get a couple of hours to yourself.

You shouldn't have to make a timetable but sometimes you need to. The alternative of you doing most of the child entertaining is not acceptable.

I think you need to say to him that if he needs to work he needs to set himself up at the dining room table, or somewhere equally out of the way. Working in the living room whilst half heartedly watching tv isnt really fair on the rest of the family - he's using the main room in the house that used for socialising/playing/relaxing to do his work.

I would find this annoying! He may have worked like it in the past but it's not fair on your or ds. I'd take your ds out for a walk, say we'll be back in an hour or 2 then we can all do something together. Plenty of time for him to do his work

Yes sounds like he’s using work to get out of parenting / housework .