To

[TiredSloth]

I’ve been suffering with depression quite badly for quite a long time. One of the side effects of this is that (apart from my children) I can’t bear to be touched and sex is a complete no no for me. Even the thought of it is repulsive to me.

The problem is that my dp has a high sex drive and is getting increasingly frustrated. I completely understand why and in the past I would just do it to placate him but I’ve reached a point that I just can’t carry on doing that. He is frustrated to the point that now he is constantly grabbing at me which I can’t stand. So aibu to keep saying no even though I know he isn’t really bu?

Sorry title was meant to say To keep saying no to sex?

Yanbu. Grabbing at you isn’t sexy unless you’re already very turned on. Grabbing someone with depression doesn’t seem right at all. I suspect if he was taking a more tender loving approach to your feelings - listening to you, asking your opinions, looking after you etc this might help with both the chemistry and perhaps also the depression.

I suggest relationship (or solo) counselling but I don’t see you suddenly falling in lust all over again with someone who makes you feel pestered. Sure he needs regular orgasms but he should sort himself out until you’re ready.

And quite apart from depression the not wanting to be touched after a day of demanding kids is a very common thing.

Hugs.

Thank you Skysblue the problem is that he refuses to ‘sort himself out’. Every time that I say no he says that I don’t love him anymore etc even though I try to explain that it isn’t him. It’s just that I can’t stand the thought of any sexual contact.

Sex is one thing which can go on the back burner for most, but no touch whatsoever is going to strain most relationships pretty quickly, no hugs, holding hands or anything really. I'd focus on improving your health so that this phase can begin to pass.