To ask if anyone else has felt like this after moving house ( too scared to go downstairs alone)

[OnTheFenceWithMostViews]

Please hear me out. I'm every other aspect I am strong and independent.
I left home at 16 with a boyfriend to a flat. Went tits up moved back to parents at 18..( should of listened to everyone but that was me being young and stupid)
When I went back home I suddenly had a fear of going downstairs at night.. Our house was really secure etc but next door got burgled and that was it for me.. Scared.
So there I am 18 years old.. If I needed the loo I'd wake my parents and say.. Stand at the top and watch me go down. ( toilet was at the bottom near enough)
One day I thought get a grip and go down.. And I kid you not I'm sat on the loo and our cat jumps up thro the window.. I had no light on as was worried someone could see ( one step at a time.) I swear my heart came out my chest lol

Feom then on I couldn't go down alone.
I moved out 2 months later to a flat. Then 3 more flats.. Always felt secure. Always chose too floor etc

So here I am nr 20 yrs later and we've moved to a house due to needing space.

I'm shit scared to go downstairs.
I don't think it helps that there are a lot of repair issues and it's not felt like home.
The house was previously let to bad people who had Co stant police intervention. Drugs etc. So I worry something to do with that may come knocking.

The windows aren't soundproof. Due for repair.. And every noise, every drop of rain or wind knocking something over sends my mind to overdrive.
It's been 6 weeks and I'm no better. I fall asleep when I physically cant stay awake anymore

I said to dh about it and he said its silly.. Yes I get that and to just go downstairs

Tonight he's out with ds at a match. Be home around 11 after travel.. So since dd gone to bed at 8 I've sat up here. I can't get over it.

Surely I'm not the only one? Or maybe I am.. And I need to give my head a wobble.

It’s not silly but you don’t need to give your head a wobble. You need to properly address this anxiety.

But how? I've tried.
I tell myself no one will be down there. But then I picture someone standing in the window or something. Or think. What would I do if someone was there, scream? Freeze? Run? Cower?

I understand op! I am like that at my parents' house but have no problem in my flat! I think you need to make sure the doors and windows are secure. Get new locks if needed.

Would cognitive behavioural therapy self-help book like The Feeling Good Handbook help? It sounds like this is the sort of thing where addressing your fears logically could be a help.

We've changed all the locks bar one set of interior French doors leading to conservatory as these are damaged and are being replaced but we bolted them. I lock. Dh checks. I send him back to check.. Every door and window. He's conscious to check everything anyway.

Will look at the book suggestion.
I've done cbt previously for anxiety ywaea ago after a relationship breakdown that was controlling which at the time I didn't know until after and it hit me like a tonne of bricks.
I didn't find it helped tbh but managed to plough through

I had this for a couple of weeks after someone broke in while I was unwell in bed upstairs. I was petrified. The police came and nothing horrendous happened - they hadn't come upstairs to me and I didn't have to jump out the window or anything! But it left me very scared that it'd happen again. After about eight weeks, I made myself start going back downstairs... initially I'd take my phone, and make DP fall out to me every five minutes or so to make sure I was okay. He promised to come down and get me if I didn't answer.
I'd also make sure all the curtains were closed and I had a stair light for a bit that stayed on. DP checked all the windows and doors. We still check all the doors before we go to sleep; but I can go downstairs now. Little and often.

If that's out of the question for you, I'd second exploring types of therapy that might help

I think you need to be proactively do things to make you feel more secure there. Have a light on downstairs at night if you're upstairs & until you're asleep(on a timer so you don't need to go down to switch off, as then it's dark & scary again before you go back up). Then get a low energy night light that you plug into a socket on the landing in case you wake at night too. I'd get a chain for the door & windowlocks as well.

I mean as in professional help. CBT does help but you need to do the HW and keep working on it.

I've always had anxiety when alone in the house or going downstairs. In nearly every flat or house I have ever lived in.

I remember as a teenager walking around the house in Broad daylight, holding a knife as I felt unsafe.

4 years ago I bought my current house and I have never felt insecure in it. I stay here alone all the time (come from a big family, have lots of kids myself so not used to being alone) but I've never felt scared at all. It's so strange. I still don't like to go downstairs or be alone in my parents house and sometimes other houses.

That is the reason why, even though the cost of the mortgage is killing me I never ever want to move from my house. It is truly the only place I have ever felt 100% safe.

I don't really have any advice but wanted to say that I don't think you are strange or anything for feeling that way.

@Whyhaveidonethis it’s not about being strange. It’s about recognising unhealthy patterns and excessive anxiety and dealing with the underlying problem.

Thank you. I will look into everything.
The light thing is a good idea. However dd won't sleep with a y form of light on, if a. Light is on more than a few mins she wakes up.. Even a night light.
If I go to the loo, next to our room I have to use my phone light

Her door is always open slightly. I can't have their doors shut due to ds being trapped in a room when he was 3m because the handle broke. So it's just always been door open ajar.

If you have anxiety then that’s what needs dealing with. Piecemeal coping strategies won’t resolve the overall issue.

dd won't sleep with a y form of light on, if a. Light is on more than a few mins she wakes up
I can't have their doors shut due to ds being trapped in a room when he was 3m because the handle broke

You need to be a bit more creative. Here's how to solve that for about £5.

Use magnetic closures www.screwfix.com/p/carlisle-brass-magnetic-catch-nickel-plated-15-x-14mm/2077p

and put a pull-type handle on the door on the inside. www.screwfix.com/p/hafele-barkston-handle-brushed-nickel-128mm/8067j

Then you can have a nightlight on the landing and at the bottom of the stairs.

Carry your phone with you downstairs. Call a friend, parent etc and walk slowly down the stairs. If you cant muster the courage to do this. Then literally take one step at a time. Go down one step tonight , two the following and so on.