Am I being unreasonable

[BringDinkyandDorisHome1]

As you all know, it is Remembrance Sunday tomorrow and I will be going to the service with my two teenaged children as usual. My son who is 17, is hoping to join the RAF after A Levels, so this year the service will feel slightly different for me somehow.

I casually asked him if he would mind wearing his proper shoes instead of trainers for the service, as I thought this was more respectful now that he is older and with a career in the services in mind. This request was not well received, and he pointed out they wouldn't look good with jeans. I told him they would look fine and suggested maybe wearing a pair of trousers then instead. He then offered to tell me that his friend wears trainers for every occasion. Obviously I then had the "if your friend ran down the motorway blindfolded would you follow"?

Should I just be glad that he's even going, or do you think this small request is not much to ask considering all the men and women who gave their lives so that we can live in relative peace? I am guessing some might say it doesn't matter what he wears as long as he goes.

I've told him if he thinks looking smart is too much effort, then perhaps he should just lie in bed all weekend as he usually does.

I've had a pretty crap time lately with mental health and I'm not sure what is ok/not anymore.

Thanks Guys!

Excuse typos

I see your point but it really doesn't matter. Our cenotaph is at the top of a muddy hill so most people wear walking boots and jeans.

The pastor at our church usually wears jeans, trainers, a t-shirt and an Adidas jacket. I think your son's fine in jeans and trainers. Take some time to focus on your mental health

We will be going on a ride of rememberance on sunday on our motorbike so at the service there will be about 100 of us in bike leathers and we will be just as respectful as the people dressed in suits quite a few of the bikers are ex services

It is better to attend than not attend. The respect is shown by him going to the service and considering joining the forces for a career. To worry about which shoes he wears is being too picky. And your arguments about it seem mean spirited to me. If he joins the forces, he will be in uniform for twenty years or so. Let him enjoy wearing civilian clothes before he’s out risking his life to protect and preserve your lifestyle and freedoms.

That's lovely! You are quite right! It doesn't matter and shouldn't matter what you are wearing. The fact that you are there is what matters. My son likes to go and that is what I should be proud of. I really do need to focus on important stuff. Sometimes it takes half a dozen or so people to make you see you're being stupid

I don't think it matters in the slightest. I'd be happy with jeans and trainers.

My mum still tries to dictate what I wear to things. I'm 35. 😀

I wouldn't make mine (similar age) wear school shoes and jeans as looks odd but he does have chinos and shoes and boots that look nice with jeans. I would advise against jeans and trainers and he'd probably agree. I do think it's important to dress for whatever you're doing but everyone is different.

I wear jeans and trainers to church every week. Tomorrow won't be any different.

Would wear smart trousers and my work shoes if I was part of a parade in some official capacity.

Trainers are fine but if he wants to join the RAF why isn’t he a cadet?

Smart shoes won't go with jeans so he'll need to wear trousers which will require a shirt....just let him wear trainers.

I think you can express respect through your own clothing and let your ds decide how to dress himself.

Yanbu.
I'd be asking him again to wear shoes.

Agree with a pp why hadn’t he joined the cadets if he is serious about joining the RAF. It gives them amazing opportunities and while it is not set up to steer them into joining up it does help them if they wish to. If he was a member I can confidently say he would have been preparing for Remembrance Sunday for weeks and have the shiniest boots / shoes ever.
I’m a proud mum of a former cadet not RAF, who couldn’t join the forces because of medical problems, he was a slob most of the time as a teenager but immaculate in his cadet uniform.

Put it this way - he is there, comfortable, casual and without a real appreciation of the realities of military service. Next time you attend with him, he is likely to be absolutely immaculate and almost unrecognisable (hopefully in good ways).

Let him wear what he wants this time.

Well thank you for all your great replies! We went (trainers & Jeans) and it was perfect.

He never joined the cadets as he has only decided in the last 6 months to join the RAF. and feels he is now a bit past doing that as most are a lot younger I think, although I stand corrected if I'm wrong

Footwear doesn’t matter. He went out to pay his respects. I’m sure if he joins the raf he’ll spend hours bulling his shoes for future parades.

I echo that it doesn't matter! I haven't been well and I'm gutted to have missed it today.

My 14 year old DD did have shiny shoes and a smart Air Cadets uniform on. I love to see all the youngsters paying their respects!

@BringDinkyandDorisHome1 yeah he’s probably right TBH I had kind of grown out of cadets by 18 and all the others his age will be NCOs.

I’m glad went and was comfortable. I went in my jeans and Vans too but DS went in his Junior Sea Cadets uniform and looked very smart for his first parade 😍 (even if he struggled with the marching!).