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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Do be annoyed at ex-DH bring new gf and kids to collect DD?

22 replies

MisfitNinja · 09/11/2019 13:56

I'm perfectly prepared to be told I am being unreasonable but also need to vent.

So a bit of back ground. Myself and ex have been separated over two yrs. we are civil and get on for dd sake. I am in a new relationship. Have been for 2 yrs and new bf sees dd regularly.

Ex-Dh has had a string of gfs since we split and has introduced all of them to our dx. I hate this as I think it will confuse her and she will be build relationships with people who are there one minute and gone the next.

Dd doesn't stay over night at ex-dh house. He has her for 3 hours every Saturday afternoon.

He messaged me last night to say he was seeing someone new but they were taking it slow. I replied saying good for you and taking it slow was best. Then he rocks up to collect dd this afternoon with new gf and two of her kids in tow.

Dd was a bit thrown at these strangers on the doorstep and reluctant to go with her dad.

I just don't understand when he sees her so little he doesn't want to spend some with her just them and feels the need to parade our daughter to every woman he decides to bed.

OP posts:

Original poster

MisfitNinja · 09/11/2019 13:57

Just noticed typos. Sorry! 🙈😂

OP posts:

Duchessgummybuns · 09/11/2019 13:58

YANBU to be annoyed, but unfortunately there’s not a whole lot you can do about it.

Wishforsnow · 09/11/2019 13:58

YANBU

MyKingdomForBrie · 09/11/2019 13:59

Your poor DD. Could you maybe ask him to spend some time with her one on one? Just tell him straight that she needs to see just him.

Armadillostoes · 09/11/2019 14:00

YANBU-There isn't a lot which you can do about it. Unfortunately his latest partner seems as irresponsible as he is, given that she has clearly introduced her children to him after a short space of time. Basically some people are just selfish and there is no miracle cure.

MrsAJ27 · 09/11/2019 14:00

I don't think yabu, 3 hours a week is not a lot of time to spend with his Dd. The new gf and her kids do not need to be around.

Not sure what you can do about it though.

TARSCOUT · 09/11/2019 14:10

3 hours a week isn't enough time to build a relationship so not surprising he brings others as it can't be easy,.basically random.strangers connected by blood Absolutely not saying it's right but maybe that's a contributing factor?

BigFatLiar · 09/11/2019 14:19

Depends on how old is but I don`t think spending three hours a week on their own together is to much to expect.

Pardonwhat · 09/11/2019 14:21

I read the title and was prepared to think you were being jealous and daft.
But after reading the post I don’t blame you at all.
He’s being a bit of a dick isn’t he? YANBU

Coolwinter · 09/11/2019 14:32

Yanbu

You can’t physically stop it. However you can tell him that you think it’s not fair on DD.

Especially if he only had her 3 hours every Saturday. You’d have thought he’d want quality time and growing these hours.

FizzyGreenWater · 09/11/2019 14:36

Nothing you can do.

Sadly the best way to teach her resilience here is to encourage her to see him less as a dad figure and more as a fun uncle. That's certainly what he's acting like.

You could try and point out that she was reluctant to go with him today and it's a shame as every time he dilutes their time together, she moves further away from him emotionally.

But I guess you'd be wasting your breath.

His loss!!!

SusanneLinder · 09/11/2019 14:36

I was also prepared to say you were being jealous, but having read the post, it seems mad that he is parading every GF in front of your DD. If it was a long term relationship, no issue, but a casual fling is not right for your DD. Can you have a word with him about this?

YouJustDoYou · 09/11/2019 14:39

As a child who had to go through this, it was hugely damaging. But as children we have no choice - we are forced to deal with partner after partner from selfish parents, male and female, because there is no law preventing a (non violent/conviction etc) partner introduction. It sucks, but it is what it is.

1forAll74 · 09/11/2019 14:46

I would not like this at all, it's very sad and confusing for your daughter.

Booboooo · 09/11/2019 14:48

3 whole hours? Hes being dick

Original poster

MisfitNinja · 09/11/2019 15:30

To add a bit more to it, dd is 6. And when we first split he did have daughter over off every other weekend but she started crying and refusing to go when he came to collect. She literally had to be dragged from me screaming and crying and I could t keep doing it to her. It wasn't fair on her and was absolutely heart breaking for me. So we came to the plan that he would have her for a few hours each weekend to build a relationship back up. He lives with his parents and his 16 year old brother. They like to socialise and spend a lot of time drinking and in their local pub so I assumed they were coming back drunk and being loud and this was unsettling dd.
This is the 3rd (that I know of) gf that he has introduced her to.
I feel if I mention it to him he will just kick off and take it as me being jealous and insecure (which I am not!) as he's not the most reasonable of people.
I just can't see why he feels the need to have her around with his new gfs. He has her for such a short amount of time. When I first met my bf before he met my daughter I loved it as I loved not being in mum mode and having something that was just for me. If we had joint custody and he had her half the time I could understand it a bit more.

OP posts:

Original poster

MisfitNinja · 09/11/2019 15:31

Oh god!! My typos are awful this afternoon. I can only apologise. It's a new phone! 🙈😂

OP posts:

converseandjeans · 09/11/2019 17:10

YANBU it's really sad for her that for the three precious hours a week that he sees her he can't make sure she is top priority.

MeridianB · 09/11/2019 17:22

YADNBU OP. It must be sad and frustrating, especially if he wouldn’t be likely to have a grown up response to a conversation about this.

As others have said, unfortunately there is little you can do. What does your DD say about her time with him when she comes home? Is she fine or upset?

notdaddycool · 09/11/2019 17:27

He’s being a dick and may be doing it to get a rise. If of her own volition your daughter says something like I wanted to spend time with daddy on his own or I felt really uncomfortable with them you could try reporting that back verbatim. You’ll probably never see them again.

2020bump · 09/11/2019 20:49

YANBU

RitmoRatmo · 09/11/2019 21:07

So he’s a man-child who’s living back at home with his teenage brother and his parents who drink loads and go out loads? No wonder your port DD didn’t enjoy weekends there.

Your Ex’s priorities are all wrong. First off he should’ve got somewhere more appropriate to live so as to make a suitable, comforting, nurturing other home for DD. Then been able to maintain proper EOW contact.

His other priority then should’ve been having his weekends with his DD as proper parenting weekends, sacrosanct above his -teenage- girlfriends coming and going.

He’s basically living like a teenager, at home with his parents, casually dating, absolving himself of proper parenting. And exposing your DD to this appallingly teenage behaviour. He’s an immature teenager and I would NOT be having any of it. I’d tell him to sort his shit out, get somewhere of his own to live, do his share of proper parenting, and stop introducing his latest lasses to my DD.

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